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Old 12-08-2012, 12:21 PM   #1
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Unhappy New Husband Withholding Intimacy

I just got married about four months ago. We had had some intimacy problems before, but I guess I chalked them up to stress and some of our fighting. I am in a stressful doctorate program and we had to move twice for an internship I had this last summer. But after we got married, the issue got worse. At this time, we have not been intimate for almost three months. He says I don't try, but there have been times when I say I want to and he will say he is tired or "my attitude is bad." So obviously I feel rejected and start to cry and he says that I need to try harder and I am not wearing the right things to bed and that I need to "step up." I told him that I need to see him try harder too, but he says he will and nothing changes. The last time we were intimate, he barely would kiss me and kept saying I was doing everything wrong. It was very awkward. He tells me he loves me and that he wants to be intimate with me but his actions tell me the opposite. I am so frustrated at this point and have built up so much anger and resentment that I don't know if I can even get through the rest of the year with him. Our delayed honeymoon is coming up in two weeks and I am dreading it because I have a feeling that he will continue to reject me and I really can't take any more rejection. I have told him that I can't take any more but he continues to do it. As far as I can tell he isn't gay, and we had a normal sex life when we first started dating, but he has always had a low sex drive. I just feel that he isn't holding up his side of the bargain and being a loving husband. I feel like we are roommates. He'll reject me in bed and then get mad at me when I get upset and go sleep in the other room. He doesn't get that I can't sleep next to him after he does that. I have been fantasizing about leaving him and thinking about how much happier I would be if this wasn't on my mind all the time. During the day, we get along for the most part but I have never been this unhappy. But I will feel like a failure if I can't even stay married for longer than a year. I just don't know what to do. I would try wearing something "sexy," but I am afraid that he will just make me feel stupid.

 
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Old 12-08-2012, 11:19 PM   #2
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Re: New Husband Withholding Intimacy

I know how you feel.

How about using the 'love-letter method', you know like sending through post-office addresing your husband. Sometimes indirect communication may be the best solution, due to time given and emotional-clash avoidance.

You need him to listen to you, to your empathy, to your feeling, but -as if- he didn't, in the most of time.

Love letter resembles like your writing above, you have poured your feeling into it. I bet you would feel a bit better after posting it out. That's it.

 
Old 12-09-2012, 01:00 AM   #3
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Re: New Husband Withholding Intimacy

Well I haven't tried sending through the mail but I have written him letters in which I tell him how I feel. He reads them and says they are "bulls$)&" and won't talk to me about them. I told him tonight I was going to bed and he didn't even look up and mumbled goodnight. So I got mad again and he just told me I was being ridiculous again and not trying. I mean its like he expects me to come out in some slutty outfit or something. Which I would if I knew he wouldn't just make me feel dumb. I just have given and I think divorce is inevitable. He's making me start to hate him.

 
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