Me and my wife met about two years ago. When we first met we were just like any new couple and had sex ALOT. I mean a whole whole bunch and it was amazing. This lasted about two months and I had medical trouble that has left me legally blind. In the last couple of year we have gotten married and the sex has depleated to once or twice a week(with spans of none over a week or two thrown in). I know that that is better than a lot of people have it but I am extremely sexual and believe my best years are fading away soon I will be 30. Then 40 and I am terrified I wil have no sex at all at some point and be this miserable ******* that is completely unhappy and unable to find anyone again.
More than anything I want my marriage to this woman to work and I wan everything to be not exactly like those first two months but some reseblance would be acceptable. Here are some major factors of why we don't have sex according to her.
1. Tired (we don't have kids and she works a normal 40 hr work week.
2. Missionary style hurts and it is "pokey"
3. I don't like having sex anymore("but I love you")
4. Cant be on top because it is unflattering.
There are more but I cant help but think that she is not feeling good about her self and wont do anything about it. I work out very regularly and eat right for the most part. Well enough to stay attractive but I rarely think she is attracted to me. I definitely cant help but think that my disability is unattractive to her. I cant drive and I think I may seem emasculated in her eyes because I cant do things like drive her places and she does have to look out for me some times due to my blindness. I know my independence could help a bunch but I really feel like that shouldn't matter so much. I guess I don't have a question just looking for opinions.
The following user gives a hug of support to fionnagin: aowshea (12-30-2012)
First, I am sorry to hear what you had been through.
I hope the blindness doesn't become your manifestation. What I'm trying to say in here is, she may feel that your blindness creates an obstacle ( she felt tired about that), but we shouldn't add more fuels into the fire by manifestating ourself with what she thinks, is right for us and we should confront her. A no no, this is too dangerous, except you want to end it forever.
If you want to save your marriage, the key is trying any efforts to show her the pleas. Show her that you accept your lack, but in fairly state. Remember, you should step on that, don't get drowned by her emotional. It's highly sensitive, especially if you burn it up.
Skip the idea or insecurities about the middle-age crisis. Because many normal marriage-couples that had sex in a year by only counting fingers.So, this won't happen only to you.
But I don't know how patient you would be?
Stay humble. I know this is weird. But this is the strategy to win the war. If you ask her seriously about what her problem is, she may think you put a vonis on her. Don't force in having sex, put the energy elsewhere, which is how to win her heart once more again.
If you don't, then the sex is never the same. I guarantee it would not satisfy you both, because in order to get a real acceptance to have sex from her, is by satisfying what she needs in daily routine. What does she really want --- for now? Under such condition? Because you are not your past anymore, so does she. Find the right keyhole, and that one is for the winner only. Keep remind that.
I don't believe anyone is too tired all the time to have sex, unless there is a medical/health problem. Does she have one? It's more likely that she's not enjoying the sex, and thus, she does not have a sexual urge that overpowers normal fatigue.
So, why does she not enjoy sex if she used to . . . I doubt it has anything to do with you having become legally blind. A significant mutation of your body might be a cause, but not legal blindness. I think you may be on to something with the "unflattering" angle. Women quite often combine their perception of their physical bodies with their sense of sexuality. If she has gained weight, for example, that could certainly be what's causing her to avoid sex altogether.
I wouldn't take this as a sign that the sexual side of your marriage is doomed. But, if she won't open up about it, I would keep insisting that she work on being more communicative. If you try to ignore it or stuff it down silently, the resentment itself could actually doom the marriage. Perhaps she would feel more comfortable talking to a couples' therapist.