Thoughts on "dirty talk"... Normal? Necessary? Disrespectful?
I appreciate any help you can give me. I have been in a close romantic and sexual relationship with my partner for a few months. I thought we had come to have a general understanding of each other's sexual likes and dislikes. But, now my partner is asking me to "talk dirty" to him and "say nasty things" to him, to use his phrasing. He made these requests while we were making love, and I didn't know how to decline, so I hesitated. When I hesitated that, he tried to demonstrate what he meant by using terms and words that make me uncomfortable and offended.
I have already declined his request at three different times, and when I do, he loses his erection -- at least for a while. I do not want to communicate to him that there is anything inherently wrong with him liking that kind of talk. I don't want him to be turned off by my declines, either.
So, my questions are:
How do you deal with a sexual preference like this which is offensive to one person but highly erotic to the other person?
Is it my job as his partner to fake it (and cringe on the inside) even if it means I will dislike myself for it?
Is it fair for me to ask him not to talk dirty to me either because it saddens me and ruins the mood for me?