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Old 01-23-2013, 03:36 PM   #1
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WhiteLily0590 HB User
Boyfriend and Masturbation

Hi All,

So, I've been dating my boyfriend for just under 7 months. We've hit a few serious rough patches, but we've been very open and forthcoming with each other and we made it through them.

I know men are visual, and so porn is a good turn on and aid for masturbation. Please note that in the 7 months we've been together he's only went solo 3 or 4 times. But recently I had an OB-GYN appointment and found out I wont be able to have sex for nearly two weeks. He has masturbated once since then using porn and it drives me crazy...and not in a good way.

I understand why he's using porn, and I agree that its his right to do what he pleases, when he pleases, and that includes masturbating to porn. But it makes me feel awful, like I'm not good enough, or that maybe he doesn't find me attractive anymore. He has tried consoling me and telling me that he still loves me and thinks I'm beautiful, and more than great in bed, but I cant help feeling the way I do. He gets nearly everything he wants in the bedroom so I don't understand what he's getting from the porn that I cant give to him. It just makes me feel awful and sometimes angry. I don't want to feel that way about him masturbating and watching porn, but I cant help myself. I told him I don't have a problem with the masturbating, its the porn that's the problem. Why cant he think about me and him? Some fantasy about the two of us? I know he's not cheating when he watches porn, but I just want to understand my feelings about this, because it could start to cause problems in the relationship.

Any ideas? Hope to get some feedback soon.

-WhiteLily0590

 
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Old 01-28-2013, 04:37 AM   #2
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Location: Southampton, Hampshire, England
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Re: Boyfriend and Masturbation

You must remember that porn is just a fantasy...it's not real. As you said men are visual and watching other people in sexual acts is a turn on for most, if not all men and alot of women too.

Have you ever had a sexual dream involving someone who was NOT your partner? It would have been very pleasent, but you know it was not real, it did n't really happen and if you had the chance to act it out in real life would you? probably not. Porn is alot like this.

I bet he was masturbaing to porn long before you arrived on the scene and it is nothing personal and no reflection on you as a lover, it is just what works for him. I understand that this can make you feel unattractive and like you are not good enough, but you say he tells loves you he loves you.
Of course you could use the porn as a couple as an aid to your love making, but this will only work if you find it a turn on too.

I think the main issue here is that deep down you are feeling insecure in this relationship, as you said "We've hit a few serious rough patches".
If you still feel very strongly about this issue can't move on from it and he refuses to change his ways, you are going to harbour alot of resentment and prehaps this relationship will not work out in the long term.

 
Old 01-28-2013, 01:51 PM   #3
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WhiteLily0590 HB User
Re: Boyfriend and Masturbation

Thank You for replying to my post

Actually I do find it as a turn on. Its odd, and I never thought it would make feel like that, but it does. I feel very hypocritical, and I've apologized to my boyfriend for riding him about it. He accepted my apology.

I thought a lot about your reply, and I'm deciding to look at it in this perspective: "No ones perfect, everyone has a niche (his being porn, when we cant have sex), and if that's our biggest issue as a couple, then I'd say were doing pretty darn well. For as amazing as he is, and how well he treats me, his masturbating to porn every now and then, isn't a big deal...I mean, every man does it at one point or another right?

He reassures me of his love for me, and we talk about it very openly. My only request from him was, when he decides to masturbate, that he doesn't rub it in my face and/or gloat about it. Its enough that I know he does it, I don't want that to be paraded in front of my face. He said he could do that for me. I think we've pretty much moved past this issue...no doubt it was my own stupidity that made masturbation an issue.

Again, Thanks so much for your reply.

 
Old 01-29-2013, 08:56 AM   #4
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Southampton, Hampshire, England
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Re: Boyfriend and Masturbation

I so glad you have managed to sort his out and move on, I think you may be right about everyman using porn every now and again, and certinaly finding it a turn on.
It's so good you can talk openly about things together and this is, (in my experince) is certinaly the basis of a close loving relationship. I have been with my partner for 18 years, since I was 18 and this has worked well for us.
Wishing you all the best with your relationship, any realtionship worth keeping is worth fighting hard for. Xx

 
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