Re: how much is to much
She's probably perfectly happy with it the way it is, or she'd want to talk about it too. You have to let her know that you aren't happy with it and that something has to change. As for what that change is going to be, that's what you two have to talk about - even if it means you talk and she listens.
What do you think are some possible options? Do you think you could explain to her what they are? You should think of some options for her, and then get her to tell you want she thinks of them, making it clear to her that the status quo isn't one of them.
(I see some options ranging anywhere from her seeing a doctor, to you two working on rekindling your romance, to you being allowed to have an affair, to name a few.)