How to talk to him about his ED?
My partner (age 46) and I have been together nearly 5 months and our relationship is great. He's caring, attentive, understanding, communicates well, spends a lot of time with me (we see each other 3-4 times a week, he calls everyday etc), etc. When I told him that I wanted to take things very slowly sexually in a relationship (i.e. that it would probably be several months before I'd be ready for intercourse), he was very nice and understanding, and hasn't pressured me about it at all (although now I can perhaps see why!!).
There's only one problem - our sex life (or lack thereof!) is terrible! We've got amazing chemistry and are very attracted to each other. Our kissing sessions are passionate and enjoyable, and he loves touching my body. However, when it comes to actual sexual intercourse, I fear it may never happen for us, because each time we're intimate with each other, he doesn't get a proper erection! He has two children from a previous marriage, so I know that he has been capable in the past, but at the moment it doesn't seem to be happening for him.
The first time were together initimately (naked, touching etc - obviously, no sex!), we were in a nice, fancy hotel. He'd taken me there one evening by surprise and I thought it was a hint that he wanted sex. When we got there, we started "fooling around" and no matter what I did, he didn't get properly hard. I was naked, stimulating his penis with my hands (a "handjob" to use the expression and then tried straddling him a bit, but this didn't really achieve much. He got a small, "barely there" kind of erection, but didn't last and certainly wasn't going to be adequate for intercourse.
I got the idea that he was aware of the problem because he kept overemphasising that he "wanted to please" me and tried very hard to make sure I was feeling satisfied in other ways. I played it cool and didn't make a major issue of it, knowing he would be embarassed.
I was hoping things might be different the second time we fooled around, but they weren't. Again, he didn't get a proper erection, no matter how much I tried to stimulate him.
With him having children at home, us both having busy career schedules (including him travelling a lot for work) and us not living together yet, we rarely get a chance to have private intimate time. However, last night we were supposed to have a night together....but it didn't even get to the bedroom. He was the one who'd invited me over (and had been asking constantly throughout the relationship) and I thought he was going to be very excited about it, because I had been hinting that I was going to have sex with him for the first time. But then when it got to the point we were meant to be going to bed he said "I'll drop you home now. It's getting late." Our relationship is going perfectly otherwise and I know that there's nothing wrong with us as a couple. I could sense that this "sleepover that wasn't" was directly related to his worry about his sexual performance.
The problem is - how do I talk to him about this? I'm only 23 years old and am quite sexually inexperienced, so I don't know what I'm meant to do! I love him deeply, and don't want to embarass him or cause any problems, but I would like to resolve this so it doesn't scalate into a major issue. What should I do?