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Old 07-09-2013, 07:56 AM   #1
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Unhappy Boyfriend says his sex drive has deteriorated

Hi all,

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 2 years, both in our late 20's.

Until recently, our sex life has been satisfying but lately I've been noticing that he's only been taking the initiative after we watch porn or after he's drank a few. Other nights, it's mainly me who takes initiative but am subtly rejected or ignored (I'd caress his body and sometimes would play with him down there but then we'd eventually fall asleep.)

When he makes the move after let's say watching porn, I do go along with it but can't help but overthink that the only reason we're having sex is because he was turned on by what we were watching, otherwise he wouldn't bother trying. I know people get turned on by porn but he won't even try during normal times. I've tried to make a conscious effort to stop touching him too much as I thought that may be the reason why he doesn't feel the need to touch or play with me...because I've been giving him too much attention. He's said a few times before that I was "full-on" and laughed, that had me thinking and so I've been trying to change. I told him that too and he said I am playing mind-games? I just wanted to improve...

I've begun to feel unattractive and inadequate and I approached him with this. Unfortunately the discussion backfired with him becoming sensitive and crying, telling me how he feels pathetic because he realized himself that he doesn't get morning erections anymore and that his sex drive has deteriorated. I told him that I didn't see anything wrong with his sex drive, especially after porn and alcohol, and that he did have erections no problem. I told him that he wasn't pathetic, that he was wonderful in bed when he got into it and that it was me who felt unattractive and I asked him what could I do to make him desire me again. It was a terrible teary argument that is still unresolved.

He told me he believes his sex drive is gone because he feels like a slob with no exercise. I told him that could easily be changed. I've gotten back into exercising again and encouraged him to join me, he hasn't yet. I don't know if he will but I hope so.

I feel saddened to think that I may no longer be attractive to him (he says I still am though and I'd love to believe him) and I feel bad if I were to masturbate to satisfy my feelings of frustration (we had an argument long ago when he became insecure after finding out about me watching porn and masturbating - he thinks that since we are together, we don't need to masturbate, only in front of each other...and even though he masturbates when I am away...) I think masturbation is a different thing altogether and just because I like to do it doesn't mean I wouldn't be having sex with him...if anything, I would probably have more sex with him if I masturbated.

Can anyone give any advice or insight? I feel so undesirable and frustrated!

Thank you for reading.

Last edited by Mod-S4; 07-09-2013 at 05:15 PM. Reason: Terminology.

 
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Old 07-11-2013, 01:38 PM   #2
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Re: Boyfriend says his sex drive has deteriorated

Id say keep masturbateing and let him wake in on u wile doing or just start doing it when he is laying in bed with u maybe he will want to join in and ask him if he would like to join in and help u out

 
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JMia (07-16-2013)
Old 07-14-2013, 10:38 AM   #3
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Re: Boyfriend says his sex drive has deteriorated

Quote:
Originally Posted by bigfun45ls View Post
Id say keep masturbateing and let him wake in on u wile doing or just start doing it when he is laying in bed with u maybe he will want to join in and ask him if he would like to join in and help u out
Thanks for your advice

I've tried that before in the past and he'd just look at me, ask what I was doing, then continue with whatever it was he was doing...like watch TV.

He's told me before that he thought he had Type A personality and that has been further discussed by him last week. He constantly feels stressed but always wants to work or do something to keep himself occupied. I've told him to relax and meditate but it's as if he doesn't know how. He's always rushing me even when we're supposed to have a relaxing day.

I am honestly beginning to lose all hope in this relationship.

 
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Old 07-15-2013, 06:37 AM   #4
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Re: Boyfriend says his sex drive has deteriorated

Sound like my wife all she wants to do is go on Facebook and play farming and read printers and do nothing I just go and masturbate and lay around naked she just ignore me won't say I love u unless I say it first she won't come for a hug unless I do it she just ignore sex she wanted porn we got porn now hates it she wanted toys we got toys now hates them she sleeps all day and up part of night I gave up and do what I want to pls me but this has been going on for 4 years

 
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JMia (07-16-2013)
Old 07-16-2013, 06:50 AM   #5
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Re: Boyfriend says his sex drive has deteriorated

Quote:
Originally Posted by bigfun45ls View Post
Sound like my wife all she wants to do is go on Facebook and play farming and read printers and do nothing I just go and masturbate and lay around naked she just ignore me won't say I love u unless I say it first she won't come for a hug unless I do it she just ignore sex she wanted porn we got porn now hates it she wanted toys we got toys now hates them she sleeps all day and up part of night I gave up and do what I want to pls me but this has been going on for 4 years
I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds like she may be depressed and seems to be escaping through other means. You should sit with her and express to each other what your feelings are and try to be understanding. Maybe taking her to the doctor to address this would help?

Does she work or do any activities outside of the house? Even going for regular walks would help the mind. Why not offer to go on a walk with her? Maybe she feels pressure from you to do something sexually and that has affected her libido.

I am wishing all the best for you. I have spoken to my boyfriend about everything that's on my mind and he took on board what I had to say. We seem to be doing better now as he's tried to relax. It's a start

 
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bigfun45ls (07-18-2013)
Old 07-17-2013, 08:17 AM   #6
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Re: Boyfriend says his sex drive has deteriorated

Well thats good you got a start but for me its not my post so I won't go in to details what I've tryed and what not and people won't get confused lol keep me posted what's up if you're making more headway or not enjoy have fun, ttyl

Last edited by Mod-S4; 07-17-2013 at 12:53 PM. Reason: Please type using full words, not internet slang or short forms. Thanks.

 
Old 07-24-2013, 07:44 AM   #7
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Re: Boyfriend says his sex drive has deteriorated

How have things been anybetter or same for you hope better as for me same hope to hear back from you

Last edited by Mod-S4; 07-24-2013 at 12:28 PM. Reason: Please type using full words, not internet slang or short forms. Thanks.

 
Old 07-26-2013, 01:24 PM   #8
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Re: Boyfriend says his sex drive has deteriorated

Quote:
Originally Posted by bigfun45ls View Post
How have things been anybetter or same for you hope better as for me same hope to hear back from you
Hey,

Things haven't been any better, no. I'm finding him unattractive now and I find his attitude towards me disgraceful.

Just had an argument over something small that he escalated and now he has made me out to be the crazy one for trying to have a discussion with him. I told him this relationship can't work if we don't listen to each other and he said I don't get it, that he doesn't want this relationship to work and he's not going to listen.

I think I am just going to pack my bags now. I'm tired of dealing with his manipulation and emotional abuse.

I hope things are well for you.

Last edited by JMia; 07-26-2013 at 01:25 PM.

 
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Old 08-05-2013, 12:23 PM   #9
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Re: Boyfriend says his sex drive has deteriorated

No its the same as it has been for years I go to bed early and lay down and try to relaxe and maybe masturbate and she stays up and plays her farmvile games and what ever else she reads or does but lately iv been having dreams and waking up with a major hard on lol so of corse I'm gonna take care of myself how's it going over there did u oaks up or did he start to pay attion

 
Old 09-28-2013, 10:39 PM   #10
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Re: Boyfriend says his sex drive has deteriorated

First of all, you are attractive and desirable! You are not doing anything wrong or being too demanding. You are entitled to do whatever you want to feel pretty and sexy, including touching yourself for fun and pleasure. The guilt you feel about it just complicates the relationship and the sex.
Wear sexy lingerie or nothing under your clothes and smile and tingle when you think about it, and you are the only one that knows...

 
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