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Old 07-10-2013, 11:29 PM   #1
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Over-Active Sex Drive

So, I have an very active sex drive. I don't know if it's Satyriasis or if it's just because I happen to be horny more often than most men, but it's starting to become a problem in my relationship.

My girlfriend was sexually abused when she was younger so, obviously, has a lot of issues with sex. So, I avoid even talking about it as much as possible. I know she wouldn't be able to handle any sexual touches at all really, so we just don't have sex. I love her quite a bit and I don't want something like this to mess up our relationship.

But, I've found recently, just talking I get aroused and find myself having to excuse myself up to 4 times a night to make sure that I'm not painfully aroused the whole time I'm with her.

She claims that she it doesn't bother her, but I'm afraid that it's going to hurt our relationship because I can't have a single conversation without becoming erect.

Does anyone know what to do about an overactive sex drive? It would be much appreciated

 
Old 07-11-2013, 03:24 AM   #2
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Re: Over-Active Sex Drive

First, I think it is important if you want the relationship to continue and be healthy, to talk about your sexual needs with her. I wouldn't just assume, because she was abused, that she can't handle or doesn't want sex. She would probably benefit from talking about it too, and she may have a healthy sexual appetite as well, but may be afraid to try it. It is important for you to understand what happened to her, how traumatic it was, what her state of mind is now, and give her a chance to have a normal adult relationship. This could be touchy, and you may have to exercise a lot of patience, understanding, and she may be fearful, ambivalent, feel guilty about trying to enjoy something that was painful for her earlier in life, etc. I think joint counselling to help guide you through this would be extremely helpful with someone nwho has worked with victims of sexual abuse. It is not realistic to expect a relationship to continue in total abstinence. If you love her, you may be able to help her heal and get past her issues, but this is a complex area that requires some guidance from an experienced therapist to help things go smoothly. It would be best to take care of your needs before having this conversation, so you can think about her, not sex, while you discuss it.

 
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Old 07-11-2013, 09:36 AM   #3
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Re: Over-Active Sex Drive

I just want to say I totally agree with ladybug. It's not realistic to have a meaningful relationship with someone where sex is abstinent and I agree that your gf needs counseling to deal with her past so that she can move forward and hopefully heal. I don't think there is anything wrong with your sex drive so don't feel bad, it's just a really complicated situation right now but realistically I don't think long term it's altogether functional to just accept this as how things are meant to be. I hope she gets more help to deal with her past so she can see sex as part of a healthy relationship instead of a painful abusive experience. You are fantastic for sticking by her and you obviously care about her a great deal so I really hope things work out for the two of you.

 
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