TONS of Sexual problems.....PLEASE HELP - Sexual Health - Men Message Board

haffeys · 04-21-2004, 12:47 AM

OK well this is kinda person ask if this website wasnt dedicated to everyones personal information.

Besides that fact that right now my marriage is kinda on the rocks and I am trying to save it I seem to have a sexual problem with my wife.

Sometimes when we have sex, I can feel everything but as we have sex its almost like I lose all feeling in my penis. I feel bad because I fear that maybe my penis has gotten smaller and maybe she doesnt feel it either. We have talked about this and she admitted that sometimes she cant feel me. This concerns me since if we cant feel one another then is there really any pleasure (im more concerned about pleasing my wife).

To add to this, for some reason over the past few years my ability to have sex has dropped dramaticly. When we first got married I was able to perform for awhile (20 to 60 minutes) before orgasm. Now, I am barely able to perform for 10 minutes if that.

The worse thing is that I have this huge sexual drive (im 24 and would love to have sex with my wife a few times a day) but my wife doesnt seem to have the same drive (she is 27 and would be happy having sex once a week).

LAST, something my wife says that just really doesnt make any sense to me....when she was young, she was molested in a foster home she lived in for awhile. She claims because of that, she has a low sex drive and she was "damaged" to the point that she can only have an orgasiam one way. I was able to prove the orgasiam stuff wrong as I gave her one by trying different things but I personally think if she is still holding back sexually because of something that happened 20+ years ago then she needs to seek help. She claims she tried and the doctor told her she didnt need to see him (this was before we where married) and she refuses to seek help for these issues from her childhood.

NOTE: I am sorry for the spelling, its very late and I should be in bed but my daughter doesnt feel the need to sleep tonight, LOL

Imustbcr8zier · 04-21-2004, 04:01 AM

Perhaps you are overly worried about pleasing her. During sex, If your focus on pleasing her is too strong, you tend to block out the pleasurable feelings you are experiencing and it basically cause you to "not finish". I've experienced something like this and One of my friends has experienced basically this same thing. Is it possible this is what your facing?

Often times, One partner has a huge sex drive and the other partner doesn't. Thats Why I say relationships are based, in part, on comprimise. If ask less and she agrees to maybe twice a week or 3 times a week, maybe that would be a fair comprimise.

I don't know much at al about how molestation affected her. I know that some people are able to work through past problems while others are not.

I wish you the best and Hope I was of some help.

MadSkillzGal · 04-21-2004, 04:22 AM

Hey you! Ok we know the basic story because of other threads you've posted and I'm going to give you the same advice for this too.

BACK OFF DUDE! You're putting her off sex. Men are so blunt it's untrue. Women like romance etc and you have to get her in the 'mood' well in advance even if it started yesterday!

Your wife has had children so chances are she's not going to be as 'in tact' as before so she might need to do a few little tightening exercises, we all have to do that. But don't make a big issue of it. Infact be clever and tell her to clench her muscles while you're inside her because you like the feel of it and she'll have an instant workout!

Shes a mother and that alone kills your sex drive, it's hard to feel sexy when you've had screaming kids all day and end up covered in their cack and vomit.

So the key is romance her, with no suggestion of sex. Even if that night the best you get is a cuddle. Eventually she WILL take the initiative. Make her feel special, and glamorous. Tell her she IS sexy and buy her beautiful lingerie.

Re: the molestation. You have to read between the lines here. Whenever you **** her off she doesn't want sex and a guard goes up between her and her sex drive because that's how she views sex. There's no middle of the road here....she's either in love and turned on or the opposite which means sex will feel dirty or wrong.

slipperywhenwet · 04-21-2004, 01:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MadSkillzGal

Hey you! Ok we know the basic story because of other threads you've posted and I'm going to give you the same advice for this too.

BACK OFF DUDE! You're putting her off sex. Men are so blunt it's untrue. Women like romance etc and you have to get her in the 'mood' well in advance even if it started yesterday!

Your wife has had children so chances are she's not going to be as 'in tact' as before so she might need to do a few little tightening exercises, we all have to do that. But don't make a big issue of it. Infact be clever and tell her to clench her muscles while you're inside her because you like the feel of it and she'll have an instant workout!

Shes a mother and that alone kills your sex drive, it's hard to feel sexy when you've had screaming kids all day and end up covered in their cack and vomit.

So the key is romance her, with no suggestion of sex. Even if that night the best you get is a cuddle. Eventually she WILL take the initiative. Make her feel special, and glamorous. Tell her she IS sexy and buy her beautiful lingerie.

Re: the molestation. You have to read between the lines here. Whenever you **** her off she doesn't want sex and a guard goes up between her and her sex drive because that's how she views sex. There's no middle of the road here....she's either in love and turned on or the opposite which means sex will feel dirty or wrong.

Hmm sounds right to me. I can agree with this. I think?

Anyway, it does make perdect sense.