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Old 04-23-2004, 02:37 PM   #1
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The21guy HB User
21.....Should I bother??

I'm 21 years old and I'm still a virgin.. Is this NORMAL..... I want only to share myself with my wife...(Not Married Yet!!) My Girlfriend broke up with me last week.. I think because she want's a guy who moves ALL OVER HER..... In my mind..That's just not respect... Does Any of this make sense? I don't look like crap either... There's NOTHING wrong with my appearance OR personality....I get along with EVERYONE..and I still just don't want my virginity to mean NOTHING to me!! I would like to hear when other guy's lost it...just an age..and why!....and if it was worth it or not please!
Thanks..
By the way... I'm a christian and thats part of why I believe that way!

-the21Guy

 
Old 04-23-2004, 04:29 PM   #2
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Karla HB User
Re: 21.....Should I bother??

Well I can tell you that my two boys who are both 18 are still virgins. It is due to their walk with God that they made a purity committment when they became teenagers. I believe one has kissed a girl but the other one has not even kissed a girl. I have known of a couple of couples where they did not even kiss until their wedding day. I think with all the diseases out there why risk it. It is something special that should be saved for the one whom you marry. I didn't and wish I would have waited. You are not alone out there. Stay pure to yourself and God.

 
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Old 04-23-2004, 05:11 PM   #3
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The21guy HB User
Re: 21.....Should I bother??

Thanks Karla...
That really helps.... This makes me think that I still have something worth having!
Thanks again:
-The21Guy

 
Old 04-24-2004, 03:42 AM   #4
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Lance2 HB UserLance2 HB UserLance2 HB User
Re: 21.....Should I bother??

Hey bud, its totally normal for those of us who are committed to ourselves and our wives. I made that committment and waited until I was 35 to marry. The one gift I gave my wife was my virginity. I was (and still am) very proud of that decision and the struggles to maintain it. Are we in the minority, yes but don't let society tell you what to do with your body. I'm attending the wedding of a friend next weekend and at 25, he's made the same committment, as has his brother at age28. So, you're not alone and I'm proud of you! Keep the faith, be strong and you'll be blessed with someone who believes the same way. There'll be tough times but keep your chin up and your focus and you'll be fine. Should you need support, just drop a note to me here!

 
Old 04-24-2004, 06:26 AM   #5
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Weaver HB User
Re: 21.....Should I bother??

I think you made the right decision. I lost my virginity at 33 with the girl I eventually married. She is and always be my only partner. I think that marriage is a big commitment and that it was worth the wait.

 
Old 04-24-2004, 07:03 AM   #6
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ladivapr HB User
Re: 21.....Should I bother??

amen Lance. Well Im 31 and had made too the vouch to wait for the wedding night (which hopefully will be next year). It is tough road but Im gonna quote you what I was told in other board since you are christian

"If you want to see perfect examples you have to look at Jesus and Mary and there are some people who follow their example on the narrow road but if you compare yourself to everyone else who is doing whatever they want to do you are going to ask yourself why should you be a hero and make such sacrifice when no one else seems to do that, but Jesus didn't ask us to follow them, He asked us to follow Him. I think there will come a day in everyone's life or after they die that they will wish that they could go back to the beginning and have every second of their life back again to make it even more pleasing to God because when we realize who God really is there will be nothing that seems good enough to offer Him as He deserves and we will regret time wasted not offered to Him, not trying to please Him every way He gave us the means to do. One way you look at it, it seems that it's a long wait, the other way it seems life it too short to do enough to please God as He deserves, like we will wish we had done when we see Him."


You should be proud of yourself 21guy, your faith is a shinning star in a world so wounded.

 
Old 04-24-2004, 08:26 AM   #7
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some poor guy HB User
Re: 21.....Should I bother??

i am also 21 and still a virgin but not coz im religous but coz of a past genatal disorder that left me very insacure. i onse went to amstadam and saw all the pritty ladys calling me in to pay and have sex with them which was very tempting. but i havnt waited all this time just to give it away to a prostitute altho i sorta in a way i wish i didnt have to wait coz of my past problem now thats past i still dont beleave in giving it to a prostitute i also dont beleave in waiting untill im married coz im no christian. what i do beleave is that i should loose it to a women i love and to a women that it means as much to as it would to me she doesnt nessasarely have to be a virgin aswell altho that would be nice. i dont want to loose it to some **** that just spread her legs for any1 altho i would have sex with such a women after i loose my virginity perviding shes good looking and id definately ware a condom. i want to have a memory of the first time being something special and not just a meaningless rump but after that id probly have sex with anywomen aslong as they have either good looks, or i like there personality, or they really like me and im just desperate.

 
Old 04-24-2004, 11:22 AM   #8
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keil HB Userkeil HB Userkeil HB Userkeil HB User
Re: 21.....Should I bother??

I waited till I was married too, and the funny thing is neither of us lost our viginity on our wedding night! The weather was so hot and the A/C wasn't working so we fell asleep, we made love the next afternoon after we setteled in our hotel room. Glad we both waited, my wife was stronger than me, I wanted to have sex before we were married but she said NO!
Congradulations on your decision and good luck, you will find someone that loves you for that and your other qualities!
Keil

 
Old 04-24-2004, 12:19 PM   #9
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eightball61 HB User
Re: 21.....Should I bother??

Why would there be anything wrong with you?

She left you and thats not your fault. She understood that you wanted to wait and if she wants her hormones to come before love then thats not the right person for you.

You don't have to marry a virgin but I am sure that there is a girl willing to wait for you. This is somthing you are keeping for that right person and if no girl can wait for it then keep moving till you find one.

 
Old 05-19-2004, 06:40 AM   #10
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Matt muscle HB User
Re: 21.....Should I bother??

hmm... im gay and if I followed the christian belief,... I should abstain from sex that i enjoy and have sex with women which really does and will never do anything for me.... who would i be pleasing if i did this.... certainly not myself.
So why on earth should a healthy strong young male not engage or enjoy sex until he meets that perfect person.... Whats to say that person doesnt come along until hes 40!.. which is entirely possible.... he has just lost the best years of his life due to a religous restiction. So many marriages do not work out... so imagine if it failed!!!...Not everyone in this world is destined to meet that special someone, or for that special someone to end the way you thought it would... life is just not like that!!! SEX IS A COMPLETLY NATURAL AND NORMAL FUNCTION... why on earth wait, how can you know if your even sexually compatible with someone if you wait until your married... and then its like too late. im sorry, but get real guys. the next thing you will be saying is dont masturbate either...

Last edited by Matt muscle; 05-19-2004 at 04:40 PM.

 
Old 05-19-2004, 06:50 AM   #11
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eightball61 HB User
Re: 21.....Should I bother??

You are in the right mind set...ITs not your fault if she left you because of that. If she can't share that special moment with you then find someone who will. You are on the right track and have set great goal for yourself. Don't break them to make the other person happy; make yourself happy

 
Old 05-19-2004, 01:06 PM   #12
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Lance2 HB UserLance2 HB UserLance2 HB User
Re: 21.....Should I bother??

Whoa Matt Muscle, I never told others to wait or make a choice. That choice was clearly mine and I made it and don't regret it at all. Each of has to choose what is right for us and our body. Sex is a natural healthy thing for all of us...the timing of it needs to be personal and according to each individual's value system. And one more thing...I'd never tell anyone not to masturbate..its the safest form of pleasure and sex there is!

 
Old 05-20-2004, 07:25 AM   #13
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jamie17 HB User
Re: 21.....Should I bother??

I think any time you think long and hard about what matters to you, form a belief system, and then stick to your convictions... that's an admirable thing. So if you've decided that you want to remain a virgin until you are married for religious reasons, then I think that's perfectly normal and what's right for you and commendable. If your ex-girlfriend couldn't stick with you because you stick with your beliefs, then you are better off without her, and good riddance.

The only thing I would caution you about.... is that it can sometimes, especially these days, take a LONG LONG LONG time to find that special someone to spend your life with. You are only 22 and already finding it hard; what if you don't find "the one" until you are in your forties? It's entirely conceivable --- many women want to wait and develop their careers and are not focused on marriage and family these days until much later in life than they used to be, and your career and life may take you in directions where you're unable to focus on relationships for long stretches of time, too. I'm not trying to sound all doom-and-gloom, or to dissuade you or shake your commitment to God.

But I have to wonder: God gave us these bodies, which are specifically and uniquely designed to experience sexual pleasure; God made sex a natural part of life, and in its own way, a joyous celebration of the life and body and ability to love that God gave us. I mean, personally, I feel very close to God when I'm having sex --- LOL --- but I'm serious. You know when you walk outside on a beautiful spring morning and you notice the trees and the flowers and the sky, and you smell the air and feel the breeze and you kind of half-consciously think to yourself, "thank you, God", because you just are so grateful that the world is so beautiful and that He made it this specific way and also made your body in such a specific way that you can experience the world in a sensual way, and gave you the emotional and intellectual capacity to understand all that? For me, there is a moment during sex that is exactly the same way, and I find that to be a very God-celebrating moment.
So I have to question: would He want us to not experience that for such a significant portion of our adult lives? I think those admonishments to wait until marriage made more sense back when people got married as teenagers and their entire lifespan was often only 40-some or 50-some years to begin with. I don't think anyone had in mind today's far more complex and fast-paced lifestyles, rife with infinitely more choices and with healthier, longer lifespans when it was originally recommended that people wait until marriage to have sex. There were all kinds of reasons this made sense back then: keeping the "tribe" together and under control, allowing the male patriarchs to control the women and younger men in their social groups, etc. (I'm sure someone much more scholarly than me could investigate --- it's been well-documented --- and write about this more cogently.) Personally, I have to wonder why God would request this particularly difficult and biologically nonsensical demonstration of faith. Could there be another way to commit yourself to God, and to prove your faith, that doesn't fly in the face of nature? And also, could there be another way to give a "gift" of yourself to your future spouse that does not involve antiquated and socially irrelevant notions of sexuality?

Please understand, although I seem to be "argueing" against virginity and waiting until marriage --- and I guess it's pretty transparent that I don't personally see much point to it --- I do respect your choices and I absolutely give props to anyone who, as I stated at the top of my message, lives their lives with integrity. The crucial thing to me is that I would want for you and for anyone else who makes this choice, that they have really considered it from all angles and aren't just making a decision based on something a book or a relgious leader tells them they should do, and that they haven't thought deeply about. There will be plenty of people who will tell you that they lost their virginity early and now regret it, and wish they could get it back, blah blah blah --- but the other side of that coin is that if you wait, and that wait stretches on far longer than you ever imagined it could, then you can never get those years back, and you can get to a point where because of age or circumstances, it's too late to make up for experiences you may have missed. I'm not saying that you haven't thought long and hard about this and considered it from every angle, and your post doesn't indicate that in any way. It's just kind of my "job", I guess, to play devil's advocate (perhaps an unfortunate expression in this case, LOL) and bring up some things that I believe are worth considering.

My best hope would be that you would say, "yeah, I've thought all about that, I understand there might be some things in life I might lose to this choice, but every choice has it's good and bad consequences, and this is the right choice for me." To which I would sincerely say to you: Good for you! You stick to that, then, and my best wishes!

Last edited by jamie17; 05-20-2004 at 07:30 AM. Reason: spelling

 
Old 05-21-2004, 11:29 PM   #14
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alphamale9009 HB User
Re: 21.....Should I bother??

There is nothing wrong with saving yourself for your wife but at your age, you shouldn't want to. It should be a difficult struggle every day to repress your sexuality, if it is not, you have a problem. You may be gay, or you may have ridiculously low testosterone. Or you may simply be uncomfortable with being affectionate due to some severe emotional blocks you have. Or it could be that being a virgin for so long has made your virginity valueable to you because of all the built up frustration of repressing your desires. It is not normal to WANT to remain a virgin. I advise you to look into these possibilities.

If it is really just that you want your virginity to mean something, that's great, and you have to find a girl who truly wants the same thing. If you go to a good church this should not be so hard.

good luck man,
alpha

 
Old 05-22-2004, 12:01 AM   #15
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vernee HB User
Re: 21.....Should I bother??

I'd love to meet a guy who hasn't slept with tons of people. Stay true to your values, and don't be pressured by people

Last edited by Amberlee; 12-04-2004 at 12:21 AM.

 
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