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Old 07-23-2004, 01:11 PM   #1
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Help! My partner has problems ejaculating!!

I need help!! My partner has difficulty ejaculating. The first time during each "session," he eventually does, but after that he can not, and neither of us thinks its a latency issue. He will have an erection and the libido 1-4 hours later and we can have intercourse, but he can't ejaculate. Even if we wait until the next morning, he can't. I've asked him what he thinks the problem is and he says he just thinks to much; that he ends up thinking about other things (work, or whatever) and then can't ejaculate.

Is this common? I don't think "its me," because he gets very aroused, but it's still very frustrating. Has anyone else experienced this? Any natural techniques to help?

 
Old 07-23-2004, 03:45 PM   #2
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Re: Help! My partner has problems ejaculating!!

anti depressants do that. My husband and I have the same problem from time to time. Maybe you are having to much sex?

 
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Old 07-23-2004, 03:58 PM   #3
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Re: Help! My partner has problems ejaculating!!

Ok first you need to find out if he isnt ejaculating only. You see ejaculating and orgasm are seperate things in men. Granted they tend to happen at the same time but men can orgasm without ejaculating and vica versa. So if he isnt ejaculating but still orgasming it could be a a few things. He could be retro ejaculating ,that is where the semen is deposited in the bladder instead of ejaculated out the penis.
Also just because he has an erection later doesnt mean his body has had time to build up enough for him to ejaculate. Some men do need more time even if they are able to get erect. Another thing is if it is taking him a long time to build up more semen to ejaculate it could due to a poor diet/not enough fluids.
If this is a recent problem for him he should go see his doctor and make sure everything is ok.
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Old 07-23-2004, 06:04 PM   #4
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Re: Help! My partner has problems ejaculating!!

This is not uncommon. Some guys can ejaculate several times in an hour, while others need a few days, even though they can hard within minutes after an ejaculation. It is just how he is (and it gets worse with age), so try not to make him feel inadequate.

Eating better, plenty of exercise and plenty of fluids might help his ability to replenish his semen supply but, again, some men just don't produce a lot. The only other thing I can think of is to try to increase your frequency of sex. Sometime the body will increase is semen production if it is continually being depleted. If he can regain an erection, his inabilty to orgasm has nothing to do with his attraction for you.

 
Old 07-24-2004, 05:50 AM   #5
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Re: Help! My partner has problems ejaculating!!

As Men get older they produce less testosterone. That means they are ready for sex less frequently. If he is in his thirties twice a week is probably about normal.

After the peak in the late teens & early twenties most men can not have sex everyday.
It starts with every other day, then twice a week, then once a week, twice a month, once a month.

Sometimes Testosterone supplements will help.

Good luck

 
Old 07-24-2004, 06:09 AM   #6
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Re: Help! My partner has problems ejaculating!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gin2C
After the peak in the late teens & early twenties most men can not have sex everyday.
It starts with every other day, then twice a week, then once a week, twice a month, once a month.
What? Where did you ever hear a thing like that? LOL You think a guy in his mid-20s or older can't have sex every day? Most men in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, etc can have sex every day, and more if they want. Heck, my husband is 40 and we usually have sex 9 or 10 times/week.

 
Old 07-24-2004, 06:41 PM   #7
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Re: Help! My partner has problems ejaculating!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by reni
What? Where did you ever hear a thing like that? LOL You think a guy in his mid-20s or older can't have sex every day? Most men in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, etc can have sex every day, and more if they want. Heck, my husband is 40 and we usually have sex 9 or 10 times/week.
I agree!!!

I think this orginal poster is Gay guy? he said "his partner"? perhaps I am wrong/? but I kinda think this is a sexuailty issue? for his partner maybe?

 
Old 07-25-2004, 08:37 AM   #8
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Re: Help! My partner has problems ejaculating!!

Thanks all!! Additional information: he's only 29, in extremely good health (very active, very fit), and no, he's not orgasming either.

This happened again the other morning, he lost his erection, so we quit having sex. Five minutes later, he was able to orgasm and ejaculate by masturbating.

We talked more and he said he's been masturbating two, sometimes three, times a day. Is it very possible that his inability to orgasm during intercourse is related to how often he's masturbating???

 
Old 07-25-2004, 08:41 AM   #9
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Re: Help! My partner has problems ejaculating!!

And, uh, I used the word "partner" because I'm a mature adult. He's not my "boyfriend," and I plan on sharing this thread with him when I've got some non-editorialized advice so that we can work through whatever this is, so didn't want to refer to him as a "boyfriend."

Would you be more comfortable if I referred to him as "the dude that I *$%&#( regularly" ... ???

So, to clear the mystery, I'm not a gay man, nor is the guy that is banging me. Happy?

 
Old 07-25-2004, 08:56 AM   #10
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Re: Help! My partner has problems ejaculating!!

It could be from him masturbating so much a day. Also the fact that intercourse cant match the tightness he can get from his hand. Or I should say that intercourse can still feel good but cant compare to his own hand when he knows the right spots to stroke and intercourse cant quite hit the same spots in the same way.
Talk to him and see if he will cut back on the masturbating for a couple of days and see what happens when you next have sex.

Not quite sure why that one poster mentioned that the priginal poster might be gay since I have read the post over a few times and not where did I see Cherry mention his partner. I notice a mention of "my partner" but no where did I see mention of "his partner." Even if it was a gay couple doesnt mean it has anything to do with one questioning his sexuality or sexual attraction to one's partner. There are number of reasons this can happen so assuming it is a gay relationship really has nothing to do with helping the person.
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Old 07-25-2004, 09:27 AM   #11
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Re: Help! My partner has problems ejaculating!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by cherryandalime
I need help!! My partner has difficulty ejaculating.
It's in the very first line.

But it is totally insignificant if the person is gay or not. Not all men can automatically have a second orgasm. And given the new information that he is masturbating on his own up to 3 times a day on top of trying to have a second round with his partner, it's not surprising he's having trouble. He's obviously more efficient at doing it himself (most people are) so sure he can do it himself 3 times, but not with his partner.

And given the facts, maybe he should lay off masturbating so much if it's an issue of not being able to perform when he's with his partner. I'm a firm believer in people's freedom to mastubate as much as they want, except when it's interfering with their sexual relationship with their partner. Sounds like in this case, it might be.

However, is it really all that necessary that he have a second orgasm?
And what exactly did you mean when you wrote "and neither of us thinks its a latency issue"?

 
Old 07-25-2004, 08:42 PM   #12
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Re: Help! My partner has problems ejaculating!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thisby
It's in the very first line.

However, is it really all that necessary that he have a second orgasm?
And what exactly did you mean when you wrote "and neither of us thinks its a latency issue"?
The mystery about whether myself and my "partner" are gay men is distracting. I'm a woman - 30. The guy I have intercourse with is 29.

It's not necessary that he have a second orgasm - sorry if I mislead. Overall, we're only about at a 50% success rate for him to orgasm and ejaculate during intercourse. Generally speaking, he can ejaculate the first time we have sex - say at night before bed. But when we wake in the morning, although he has incredible libido, he can not orgasm. This is latency. The period between simulation and response. A recovery period. Neither of us think it's typical "recovery period" issues.

Like I mentioned, he just mentioned he's been masturbating 1-3 times daily almost every day of the week. He said he will try and cut down masturbating. Our other creative idea was to possibly include more mutual masturbation during intercourse so that he can start to get used to how I feel instead of relying on what he does to himself. Does that make sense?

If his libido is so strong that he wants to masturbate up to 3 times a day, will he feel deprived now that I've asked him to try and masturbate less? He seemed agreeable...

This does absolutely ZERO for my ego, by the way.

Thanks all, for talking me through this one.

 
Old 07-26-2004, 06:28 AM   #13
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Re: Help! My partner has problems ejaculating!!

We'll, I think masturbating is great and everything, but certainly if somebody is doing it 1-3 times daily (be it male or female) they are not going to want it as bad when they are with their partner. They have already had that release several times that day. Think about it - if you abstain from sex for 2 weeks, aren't you horny as hell when those 2 weeks are up? Makes sense. If I masturbated 2 times a day, when my guy came home at night I could probably take it or leave it.

 
Old 07-27-2004, 12:36 PM   #14
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Re: Help! My partner has problems ejaculating!!

After reading this thread, I come away with one basic question: What are your expectations of your partner? If it's intercourse several times a day with both of you achieving orgasm (and him ejaculating) - maybe, just maybe, that is more than he can handle or even wants.

If he feels like that is what you expect, then it might be fair to say that those expectations might be putting him under pressure - and we all know what pressure does to sexual performance - including the ability to reach orgasm.

Also, consider the fact that contrary to popular belief, men are not all ready for sex 100% of the time. We too are plagued by the stresses of daily life, relationships, feelings of self doubt, etc.

And is it possible that his admitted (perhaps excessive) masterbation is a clue that points to some sort of relationship or other issue that is on his mind? Masterbation is a great stress reliever - and isn't always connected to sex drive either.

One more thing to keep in mind - a morning erection does not necessarily equal an incredible libido. Most of us have morning erections on a regular basis (just part of the way nature keeps things working and healthy), but I for one have never had much of a libido in the morning - although it usually looks like I do!


Quote:
Originally Posted by cherryandalime
The mystery about whether myself and my "partner" are gay men is distracting. I'm a woman - 30. The guy I have intercourse with is 29.

It's not necessary that he have a second orgasm - sorry if I mislead. Overall, we're only about at a 50% success rate for him to orgasm and ejaculate during intercourse. Generally speaking, he can ejaculate the first time we have sex - say at night before bed. But when we wake in the morning, although he has incredible libido, he can not orgasm. This is latency. The period between simulation and response. A recovery period. Neither of us think it's typical "recovery period" issues.

Like I mentioned, he just mentioned he's been masturbating 1-3 times daily almost every day of the week. He said he will try and cut down masturbating. Our other creative idea was to possibly include more mutual masturbation during intercourse so that he can start to get used to how I feel instead of relying on what he does to himself. Does that make sense?

If his libido is so strong that he wants to masturbate up to 3 times a day, will he feel deprived now that I've asked him to try and masturbate less? He seemed agreeable...

This does absolutely ZERO for my ego, by the way.

Thanks all, for talking me through this one.

 
Old 07-27-2004, 01:53 PM   #15
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CancerDad HB User
Re: Help! My partner has problems ejaculating!!

What? Where did you ever hear a thing like that? LOL You think a guy in his mid-20s or older can't have sex every day? Most men in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, etc can have sex every day, and more if they want. Heck, my husband is 40 and we usually have sex 9 or 10 times/week.


reni:

If you have time to have sex 10 times a week, God Bless you! It is true that most men have decreased testosterone levels as we age, and as such have a lower sex drives. Often times, due to stress, time, and biological reasons, we often have sex less as we get older. I just heard a study recently-- 1/3 of married Americans have sex 3x/wk; 1/3 have sex 3x/month; and 1/3 have sex 3x/year. You and your spouse are definitely on the high end of the spectrum. It's an individual and biological choice-- some people can do it more, some less.
Regards,
CancerDad

 
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