Wow, like most guys posting on this forum, I never thought I would have to. I have no idea how to begin, so I'll just start typing.
I am 23 years old, and a virgin (this doesn't really bother me, but I'm not looking to stay that way until marrige, especially), and until the last 2 years or so, I really haven't had to worry too much about female attention. However, recently I am discovering that sex isn't as easy as I hoped it would be.
When I was 18, things were great. I had a girlfriend, and we messed around and did pretty much anything but have sex. Now that I am in college, seemingly attractive to females, and single, fate has played a cruel joke.
I think that I might have an early form of erectile disfunction. This same incident that I'm about to describe has happened numerous times, and I really don't want it to happen again.
Basically, when I'm messing around with a girl, everything is going ok, although I'm nowhere near as into it (probably due to the fear of what I am about to describe) as I once would be when I was younger. That's where I'm content to leave it, but invariably, the girl wants sex, and sooner rather than later. Right when I realize she is about to make this happen, I instantly go limp as an empty ballon. Needless to say, this is fairly embarassing. Several of these girls I would very much have liked to have sex with, and maybe carry on a relationship, but this has ruined it.
In addition to "tripping at the finish line", I know that my erections are usually not as full as they once were, and they definetly don't have the staying power they once did.
I'm trying Enzyte right now, but it's not really helping very much.
I know I'm nervous before having sex, but I think that there's something more to this, and it's really tearing me apart. I feel completely inadequate around women now that make advances towards me, and the worst part is that I want to start a relationship, but this is problem is literally crippling.
Is there anybody out there who has experienced the same problem or can offer some advice?
Your fear is killing your erection. I know that is an easy thing to say, but it is true. If you can relax and just let it happen, then your erections will probably be OK. I had the same thing happen. I never had another problem after the first time. RELAX. You might think about waiting until marriage where you can be relaxed with a girl you really love and not feel such performance pressure. Good luck.
Relax and enjoy others. Being a virgin until marriage is not a bad idea. Being a virgin is a gift you can only give another person once. Do you want to give that once in a lifetime give to some hot Friday night date?
If you decide to not wait until marriage, you should at least wait until you're in a serious relationship with someone who you love and can trust to work through this with you. It may take several attempts, but if she is patient and deeply in love with you, she will do whatever it takes to get you over this initial hurdle. Once you have a good experience, future ones should come easier.
Holy crap, thanks you guys. I'm glad that there's people out there that know what I'm talking about.
You guys have told me what I should have known (and probably did but chose to ignore), and that is what in the hell am I thinking trying to have sex for the first time with girls whom I have known for less than a few conversations.
As many of you I'm sure have experienced, college is NOT a healthy atmosphere for someone in my position (if at all). To many of these women, sex is insanely casual, like a handshake or something. I would tell girls before anything would happen that I was a virgin and had no idea what I was doing when it came to intercourse, but it didn't phase them one bit. Smile and nod.
You didn't say, but--do you masturbate? If you do that and it works, then obviously your problem is psychological rather than physical.
My suggestion is get into a relationship that becomes emotionally close before you try to have sex. And with a kind woman who cares about you, you can talk about the issue with her, and she'll be patient and make the whole business less stressful (and hence, less erection-killing).
I think you can see from the responses that intercourse is not always an automatic for a man. It is the relationship that makes sex possible. I know I was a virgin when I married, and even at that I had problems the first few times, but once I experienced it, you couldn't keep me out. Relax and wait for the right woman.
Amontillado - oh yeah, quite a bit. These damn college campus girls think looking "cute" involves wearing clothes that would make primitive hunter-gatherer women blush. I get home everyday in a damn frenzy.
Man, I really can't say how much I appreciate these responses. I had no idea that other people knew what I was feeling. MrOwl, Dallas1992, Amontillado, and wood650 thank you very much.
What you all are suggesting is what I have really wanted all along. I suppose that in some environments, it's easy to forget what you want out of life. Looking back on things now, I've acted like a complete ***. I should have visited this forum much sooner.
Hey bud, I'll get in on this one as well. You're right, college isn't the place to maintain something you've worked hard to establish. I just want to encourage you a bit, I chose to wait until I married to have sex. Sure, I wanted it and could have had it anytime (most likely) but I was committed and for alot of reasons that I don't need to go into here I waited. I was 35. Now I'm not saying that is for everyone, but I don't regret the wait one minute. Its your body man, you decide when and who you lose your virginity to. Not society, not your friends (who probably give you incredible crap over it...mine did!) and not even the girls who just want a one night stand with some college guy and nothing else. I suspect that the reason your penis lost it was simple, you weren't comfortable, it isn't necessarily what you wanted to do at the time and your brain over ruled your physical desires. Anytime that happens its almost sure that things won't work totally right and you may be frustrated, your brain is the most important sex organ you have, not your penis. As long as it'll get up for you to masturbate then you know it works. When the time is right, you're totally comfortable and you know its right...I bet things will get up, stay up and finish up...in that order. Do we know how you feel? you bet! Sometimes the lil one doesn't work when we need him to and it is right (be prepared for that too!) However, you're never alone man, never. We've all been where you are. So cut yourself some slack, focus on what you're really looking for in life and worry more about classes and education than what is so attractive to you there at college. Masturbate away and enjoy the fantasy...it kept me sane until I married! LOL Hang in there bud and good luck. Remember that you don't have to do anything you're not ready for....and the other post is correct...once you start, it will be one of your chief goals in life...you simply can't go back...its too powerful! And one more tip, you might try to stay away from too many situations where you've got to make that decision quickly...your brain may not always win the battle!
I'm gonna go on the other side of this if you don't mind.
When you have a hot girl who wants to have sex with you, and you can't "get it up," the only thing worse than that is if this hot girl is someone you really care about. The next time you're ready to have sex with whoever, do yourself a favor and drop 50mg of viagra on an empty stomach, and it's a good chance you'll never have to worry about sex again.
And taking viagra without a medical problem that would cause you to need it is DANGEROUS! Viagra isn't a drug that should be used just because a guy has an occasional problem with erections.....if that were the case it would be sold over the counter so we could all have some as that happens to most of us from time to time.
As a sexually active woman, maybe i can give you some advice from the other side: Like many of the guys on here have said already, try waiting for a serious relationship. A woman who loves and respects you will understand if your nerves have done a number on you, and will do what she can to help you relax. Maybe, as a starting point, trying mutual masturbation with a woman would help you get more comfortable. Good luck =)
As an 18 year old virgin male, I want to say: Never go down without a fight!!
You can wait forever, but you can only do it for the first time once, wait until you're ready, then enjoy it. I know I will, I'm waiting until marriage, but once I get hitched I fully intend to make up for my "late start"
Plus if you only do it with one woman, then you can completely cut down the worries about STD's, infidelity, self-consciousness, and all that other crap that gets in the way.
Hey there 18anddumb....you're not dumb at all! Most guys your age don't think with your maturity and common sense. Keep up the good work, I think you're making a great choice....just don't get married too soon either to "catch up" LOL