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Old 10-31-2004, 12:40 PM   #1
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newpatient HB User
Just not interested

Hi, I need some advice. My boyfriend is not interested in sex, at all!! He doesn't even get turned on by anything. HE is 36. I could easily have sex once a day if I had the option (I am 30, female). We actually broke up because of this, but still spend a lot of time together because we really have fun together, and he is still my best friend.

Has anyone dealt with this problem? In the end, I end up feeling bad about myself, like it is me, although I know it's not true. I think we could have a lasting relationship if this problem was addressed. However, I don't want to enter into a sexless marriage.

Thank you!!!

 
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Old 10-31-2004, 03:04 PM   #2
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german30 HB User
Re: Just not interested

Do you know, does he masturbate? If so you might suggest trying mutual masturbation to sort of "break the ice". Good Luck.
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Old 10-31-2004, 10:11 PM   #3
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positive4u HB User
Re: Just not interested

Could be low testosterone. Positive4U

 
Old 11-01-2004, 09:57 AM   #4
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all9lives HB User
Re: Just not interested

I am going through that myself. My husband is 28 and absolutely has NO desire whatsoever. He has a family history of depression and now he has been diganosed with adult ADD. He has been put on meds for his ADD, and is better, but he still has no interest in sex. So I know how you feel, I almost left him over it. I finally sat down and told him something has got to change or I was leaving. I know he is bothered by the fact that he never wants sex, so he went to the doctor again (today actual) and is trying to fix this. He should have his levels checked, a low testostrone level can cause a world of problems. Does it bother him at all that he has no interest?

 
Old 11-01-2004, 02:24 PM   #5
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adidas1 HB User
Re: Just not interested

U ladies need new bf's. 33 yo/male here with none of these types of problems. Perhaps they were or are bored with you.

 
Old 11-01-2004, 02:27 PM   #6
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adidas1 HB User
Re: Just not interested

Tough question. 34 yo-male here with no sexual hang-ups. Always makes me wonder why any guy would pass up sex on a regular basis if he had a willing wife or gf. Just find a bf.

 
Old 11-01-2004, 06:35 PM   #7
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all9lives HB User
Re: Just not interested

Believe me, I have thought about it!!!! I am actually a little too close to a guy at work, nothing has happened, but if we ever get alone.... I am afriad something will

 
Old 11-02-2004, 02:23 PM   #8
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newpatient HB User
Re: Just not interested

Thanks to 9lives for your story. It sounds like the same thing. It is one reason I could not consider marrying him right now. When we started dating we did have regular sex, but it started to dwindle very quickly. I hope you find some answers from your husband's visit. I have heard about low levels of testosterone. let's put it this way, we only broke up for 3 months, and we just can't be apart. All my friends think he and I are sexually active, I mean, we are like a married couple, except we don't have an intimate relationship. He is finally having a physical in a couple weeks, but I am afraid he won't ask about this issue.

Thank you again.

 
Old 11-03-2004, 05:44 PM   #9
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1314Ditto HB User
Re: Just not interested

Ladies this is exactly what a lot and I mean A LOT of men go through every day. And women dont understand why their men go and find other ways to fulfill needs and desires. For the most part the women that post on this site say if the woman doesnt want to then the man should just accept it. I wish you 2 could share with these women that it is not just a 1 way street. I feel for you REALLY feel for you. My wife of almost 14 years allows me to touch her 4 to 8 times a year and she thinks this is good enough so i feel your pain. Weigh the situation out because the price in the relationship you both speak of is high. The one thing you have going for you is that your men are willing to go to the doctor. If they have a hormone imbalance help them and dont belittle them because that will bruise their ego's and we all know how fragile mens egos are

God Bless and BEST OF LUCK

 
Old 11-04-2004, 04:08 PM   #10
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all9lives HB User
Re: Just not interested

When my husband and I were first married, we had sex every chance we could get. Now, I feel like we have been married for 50-60 years and that need is gone. I am kind of getting to the point where I don't even want him to touch me. And that's just the simple fact that I don't want to get turned on and then let down. We women have our ego's too, at least women like myself. I'll admit it, I'm a nympo. For the longest I tried to figure out what I was doing wrong, what was wrong with me, NOTHING. It's him, and I finally realize that. I think a lot of it is because he works and goes to school, and has a history of depression. I understand he is doing all that for us, but where do I fit in? I feel I am on the back burner and he has no need for me.

 
Old 11-07-2004, 07:02 PM   #11
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vintagegirl HB User
Re: Just not interested

Everyone else gave good suggestions....

Is there any possibility that he is gay?

Did you two ever have sex together and how was it then?

Was he sexually abused growing up?

He may need therapy. I have heard of some men having uncontrollable thoughts about their mothers or family members as they are having sex, which freaks them out. The mind is a funny thing. I read that these guys were so tormented with guilt from it that they decided to abandon all things sexual. Of course they felt too ashamed to talk about it with their signifigant others who were upset and totally confused....

Some people also see some varieties of porn and are very disturbed by the fact that they were turned on by whatever they saw....wondering what that could mean about their sexual orientation....

If you are best friends, maybe you can talk about it in a "friendly" way. But don't make him feel guilty about you....don't even include yourself in the equation.....just ask some off the cuff questions. Are there any female celebrities that he has mentioned finding attractive? You could approach it from that angle by just flipping through a People magazine in his presence and offering some comments of your own...and seeing what he says...without looking too obvious.

 
Old 11-09-2004, 10:52 AM   #12
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LittleRose1982 HB User
Re: Just not interested

It definitely could be medication for depression or numerous other things. Meds like prozac, lexapro, etc... tend to significantly reduce sex drive. Has he always been this way? Even in past relationships? If he's not on meds, do you think there's any possibility of him being gay?

 
Old 11-09-2004, 04:36 PM   #13
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all9lives HB User
Re: Just not interested

No, I don't think he is gay. I have thought that myself, but after watching him closely, I don't feel that is the problem. He has always been this way, except when we were first married. I was his first, and he wanted to wait til marriage, so we did. It was great in the beginning, the it just died off. I have tried talking to him and he just gets mad at me. I don't understand what's going on with him, he is just distant and not himself. I don't think there's anyone else either.

 
Old 11-14-2004, 11:16 AM   #14
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Re: Just not interested

I don't think my guy is gay either. He's been in many long term relationships and has dated a lot of women. I honestly think it is chemical, however, he has made no effort to correct the problem or address it. Anytime I bring it up he just shuts down or is passive aggressive. I have decided to leave the relationship. It sucks that it is before the holidays, but I think it we stay together through them it will be just that much longer to get over the disappointment of the whole situation. I was out yesterday with a bunch of friends, all who have found relationships or are married and I felt very lonely, know that if I stay in this unhealthy relationship it is preventing me from meeting the person I should be with to have a healthy relationship. I equate leaving the relationship to stopping smoking cold turkey. IT SUCKS. I just hope I can hold out this time, because it's so hard to be away from him.

Thanks for everyone's info.

 
Old 11-14-2004, 01:47 PM   #15
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chevyman HB User
Re: Just not interested

You Gotta Put More Wood On The Fire To/to Get Hotter!

 
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