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Old 11-03-2004, 11:29 PM   #1
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Unhappy Need help pleasing fiance

I need some guys' help on this one. My fiance and I have a relatively good sex life--we have similar appetites, tend to want it at the same time--but I have trouble pleasing him. He's my second sexual partner. The first guy I had sex with was by no means easy to please, but I figured out a lot of ways to please him over time. I've been sexually active with my fiance for months now (longer than I was active with the 1st guy), and I still can't seem to find anything he likes. I mean, he gets aroused when he initiates foreplay, and he likes blowjobs after he has an erection, but I can't seem to do anything he finds initially pleasurable. He likes kissing on the lips, but he doesn't like me touching/kissing/licking/biting his neck, his chest, his back, his thighs... He doesn't even particularly like me touching his penis!!! I think he forgets how much it bothers me, and sometimes he pushes me away, and just turns over and goes to sleep. I've actually cried while we were in bed together because I was so frustrated. What's worse, I'm his first sexual partner, and he just seems to naturally know what turns me on, so I feel even more incompetent. He keeps telling me not to get discouraged, and keep trying new things, but I've run out of ideas. He likes sex (when he initiates it), and he likes blowjobs (if he's already aroused)--that's it. I'm getting so frustrated--Help!

 
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Old 11-04-2004, 02:25 AM   #2
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Re: Need help pleasing fiance

I'm a virgin guy and all, but... try foreplay. I remember once I saw in a movie a guy and his girl were getting ready for sex and he said "Dance for me." she consented and by the time she was done, I knew at least ONE guy who was ready to go. Maybe more of a pre-sex phyche up is all he needs, I can't imagine that it'd take much to get me started, but you might want to preface it a little bit more in some ways. Being a virgin I don't know many techniques, but perhaps trying more of a psychological thing with him, rather than just kissing him all over would work better. An idea I read once in a magazine was to take off all your clothes, smile, and ask him what he found sexy about you. If those two don't work then I really don't know anything more to tell you.

Good luck!

 
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Old 11-04-2004, 06:45 PM   #3
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Thisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB User
Re: Need help pleasing fiance

Why can't you just ask him to tell you exactly what he does like? Since he seems so particular, he's not leaving you much to work with, and he really owes it to you to tell you. It shouldn't be some guessing game. Good luck with this one...

 
Old 11-04-2004, 09:19 PM   #4
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Re: Need help pleasing fiance

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thisby
Why can't you just ask him to tell you exactly what he does like? Since he seems so particular, he's not leaving you much to work with, and he really owes it to you to tell you. It shouldn't be some guessing game. Good luck with this one...
I guess I forgot to mention this. Because I'm his first partner, he insists he doesn't know what he would like. I keep asking him to try to imagine what it is his body wants, but he can't seem to come up with any ideas. Just a lot of, "No, that doesn't feel good... No, that doesn't feel good, either..."

 
Old 11-04-2004, 10:17 PM   #5
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Re: Need help pleasing fiance

He tells you that? I don't know, no offense but this guy doesn't sound like a very caring person. I'm not trying to discourage you from being with him or anything like that but it seems to me that he should be trying a little harder to make things work, instead of making you do all of the work. Especially if he sees that you're upset and even crying over this. Personally for me just being with someone I love would make anything feel good. Maybe it's a mental thing. If you've really tried everything maybe it's time to see a sex therapist or something of that nature. Sex should be fun when you want it too, not just when he initiates it.

 
Old 11-23-2004, 03:41 PM   #6
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Re: Need help pleasing fiance

I agree confused. He needs to think about you a little too!

 
Old 11-23-2004, 07:21 PM   #7
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Re: Need help pleasing fiance

I have to agree, he doesn't sound too encouraging when he only tells you what you are doing wrong. Is he like this in other ways outside of the bedroom too? Sometimes when people are intimidated by something they choose to insult to make themselves feel better. Do you think he feels intimidated by the fact that you've been with someone else, but he hasn't? Maybe that's why he keeps telling you your doing it wrong, he doesn't want you to think you are somehow better than him.

 
Old 11-24-2004, 12:45 AM   #8
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Re: Need help pleasing fiance

My advice on this one is, whatever you do, make sure you keep it spontaneous cuz men love when you do things out of the ordinary.

 
Old 11-24-2004, 08:39 AM   #9
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Re: Need help pleasing fiance

I remember when my husband and I were first together and we didn't know much what we were doing, we just held each other and went from there. It was fun to "go exploring". Not to be mean or anything, but are you sure this guy is hetero? Please don't take offense, but I just can't see a normal healthy guy not wanting sex like that.

 
Old 11-25-2004, 03:35 PM   #10
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Re: Need help pleasing fiance

Honestly my boyfriend is kind of the same way. Its not to say that he doesnt like the same things (oral and sex) but I don't know of anything that would turn him on otherwise. I just just try to get my hand down there. Yesterday I was caressing and admiring his arms and that seemed to work. I think guys are a little different. At least he understands that you need those things.

 
Old 11-30-2004, 11:13 PM   #11
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Re: Need help pleasing fiance

Hey i'm a guy who did exactly the same thing like your guy. The reason is because he's nervous, even if he says he isn't.. that is the reason.. especially if you're his first partner sexually. He needs to get used to things. My first partner I couldn't even get aroused when shes doing things to me, unless she uses her hands to help me... he's just not yet used to the sex life.

 
Old 12-01-2004, 02:34 PM   #12
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Re: Need help pleasing fiance

I agree with the posts that point out he may be a little scared. Now what I think you need is a little help. Maybe you can get an adult or two and ask him if you can watch them together. Try to get something that is not more hardcore than you would be willing to try to duplicate (perhaps watch them first alone so you know) and then let him tell you what looks good to him and let him know what things you see that you might like to have him try with you. Once you have a list of things that he thinks good for you and him, have at it. Plus just watching a film with you may be all it takes. Also if it takes for him to be the one who leads, for now just let him do so. All you need to do is get him the frame of mind that he wants to. What I mean is that when you want sex get him in the mood and then let him run the show so to speak. Find out what gets him in the mood to want to do it. Maybe it is seeing you dressed in certain cloths or whatever you know get him going. Whatever it is just do it and let him get revved up so that he starts in on you thinking that it was his idea. And if you try it and he doesnít respond do not let him know that you were trying to get a reaction out of him. If you do he will know what is up the next time you try. He might miss the hint here and there as we men are sometimes kind if dense Above all just try to be patient, as he is new to sex and it is very intimidating in many ways and there is a lot of anxiety with regard to how well you do things, penis size, how long you can perform intercourse ect. And remember the female body and the pleasing of a woman is a mystery to a lot of men, not just the inexperienced. He may feel like it is a bit of a daunting and freighting task to let go of his inhibitions and open up sexually for his first lover. Hang in there, once you get him over the hump, so to speak, you may end up having to tell him that you need a break because he is all over you all the time. Guys can get that way ya know!

Good luck

 
Old 12-02-2004, 10:54 AM   #13
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Re: Need help pleasing fiance

Quote:
Originally Posted by stageone
I agree with the posts that point out he may be a little scared. Now what I think you need is a little help. Maybe you can get an adult or two and ask him if you can watch them together. Try to get something that is not more hardcore than you would be willing to try to duplicate (perhaps watch them first alone so you know) and then let him tell you what looks good to him and let him know what things you see that you might like to have him try with you. Once you have a list of things that he thinks good for you and him, have at it. Plus just watching a film with you may be all it takes. Also if it takes for him to be the one who leads, for now just let him do so. All you need to do is get him the frame of mind that he wants to. What I mean is that when you want sex get him in the mood and then let him run the show so to speak. Find out what gets him in the mood to want to do it. Maybe it is seeing you dressed in certain cloths or whatever you know get him going. Whatever it is just do it and let him get revved up so that he starts in on you thinking that it was his idea. And if you try it and he doesnít respond do not let him know that you were trying to get a reaction out of him. If you do he will know what is up the next time you try. He might miss the hint here and there as we men are sometimes kind if dense Above all just try to be patient, as he is new to sex and it is very intimidating in many ways and there is a lot of anxiety with regard to how well you do things, penis size, how long you can perform intercourse ect. And remember the female body and the pleasing of a woman is a mystery to a lot of men, not just the inexperienced. He may feel like it is a bit of a daunting and freighting task to let go of his inhibitions and open up sexually for his first lover. Hang in there, once you get him over the hump, so to speak, you may end up having to tell him that you need a break because he is all over you all the time. Guys can get that way ya know!

Good luck
Get and adult or two? LOL I'm sure you left out the word video. Right? LOL
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Old 12-05-2004, 05:00 AM   #14
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Re: Need help pleasing fiance

The guy sounds lame. Cold fish. Find a guy who matches your needs. Like me.

 
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