My husband says he doesn't masterbate nearly as much now that we are married. As a matter of fact he said since we moved in our new home (back in April) he hasn't masterbated even once! He is 32. He isn't a real sexual person, meaning I want sex more then he does. I'm 28. I just wondered....I feel bad even posting on here, but I thought I knew all guys and I thought they all masturbated alot. Am I wrong to think this way?
Did he used to masturbate a lot more? Did you ask why he isn't doing it as much? Maybe you're just satisfying his every need and he doesn't need to do it as much! My boyfriend and I are bothy 28 and he masturbates typically once per day. But I don't think there's any magic number of times that defines what is normal. Some men do it a lot. Some never do it. It's all OK. Would you like for him to do it more?
I went for years in my marriage and did not masturbate. I only masturbate now because my wife has gone through menopause and does not want sex as much as I do. If he is getting his sexual needs met by you there is no reason for him to masturbate. Also if he does not want sex as much as you do it is good he is not masturbating because that would cut down on the amount of sex he would want with you.
My husband very rarely masturbates. The only time he has was a few times we hadn't had sex in weeks. He says that even when he was a teen-ager that he never did it daily. When we first started dating, I sent him home one night after some very heavy petting. Now 21 years later, I asked him if he masturbated when he got home that night and to my surprise he said no, that he figured he'd wait for the real thing when he came over the next day.(He was sure I'd give in by then) He tells me that he has never really been that obsessed with masturbating. He has always been very interested in sex though, no problem with sex drive.
I do a lot, but then again I've gone weeks before without even realizing it until afterwards. For me it's not something I need to do, it's just something I do from time to time. If I were having sex with a girl I doubt I'd be nearly as interested to begin with. To each his own, I suppose.
It's certainly possible. It's also possible that might still be in the mood for a quick solo release now and then (sometimes we men prefer the quick no strings attached simplicity of a quick masturbation over the intimacy and partner pleasing aspects of real sex) but since he knows you want it more often than he does he might feel pressure not to tell you he still masturbates. He might think it would really bother you if you knew he occasionally "takes care of himself" when you aren't getting as much sex as you would want. Have you ever pressured him for more sex and his response is something to the effect of not being in the mood? If that's the case he would sound pretty hypocritical if he frequently tells you he isn't in the mood, but yet still masturbates.
I guess I could have worded my original post a little differenly or I should have given more information. He was never really all about "sex" all the time. Some men are like "I want it all the time" I'm sure some of you men reading this probably know what I mean, but my husband was never like that. He is good with 1 time a week.
He told me he really never masturbated that much before. He is not really hip on talking about it with me. He said that is a private thing and he gets embarrassed and he said no one has ever talked to him about it before.
I guess I really feel like I don't want him masturbating, cause he doesn't give me sex that often. So I would be mad if he did. But what can I really do...nothing.
In your question, you were wondering if it were true that all men masturbate alot, and it was answered that No,they don't all masturbate alot, so if your husband says he doesn't, then he could easily be telling you the truth. How long have you been married? Sometimes these kind of conversations get more open and honest after a couple has been together for a long time,and their relationship is at a point where both feel they can totally be themselves without the other being mad or disappointed. My marriage is like that now, but it took 20 years. Even 2 years ago I wouldn't tell him if I had been masturbating and he probally wouldn't have told me. Maybe he does just have a low sex drive. When you were dating was he trying to get you into bed all the time? Or when you were first married? Sounds like he has always been this way. Have you tried doing sexy things to get him turned on more?
In your question, you were wondering if it were true that all men masturbate alot, and it was answered that No,they don't all masturbate alot, so if your husband says he doesn't, then he could easily be telling you the truth. How long have you been married? Sometimes these kind of conversations get more open and honest after a couple has been together for a long time,and their relationship is at a point where both feel they can totally be themselves without the other being mad or disappointed. My marriage is like that now, but it took 20 years. Even 2 years ago I wouldn't tell him if I had been masturbating and he probally wouldn't have told me. Maybe he does just have a low sex drive. When you were dating was he trying to get you into bed all the time? Or when you were first married? Sounds like he has always been this way. Have you tried doing sexy things to get him turned on more?
Yes he could easily be telling the truth. I've been married for about 4 months. We've been together for almost 4 years and lived together for 1 year. No he never was all about getting me into bed. He says he wasn't ever that way w/any of his girlfriends and claims that the cause of some of his break ups were because he was a non sexual guy. He is diabetic and that does affect one's sex drive also. Your're right he has always been this way. Thanks for responding. I just don't think that he NEVER does it, as he claims.
Last edited by Mod-S4; 12-07-2004 at 04:44 PM.
Reason: formatting removed (difficult to read)
Every men like masterbating ... fair enough ... but too much masterbation would also lead to "not as good" sex with your partner. Like if I masterbate in the afternoon & have sex with my GF the same nite I would find it very hard to ejaculate, & it's bloody frustrating.
So your husband not masterbating might mean that he wanna make sure he does his best when having sex with his beloved wife.
Come on the real age of doing masturbation for me is from 15 to 25. After that the rate start falling and after thirty in most cases it would reach zero per month. Zero per year and Zero for the rest of the life. So, don't worry about the masturbation thing. Rather you should be happy that you are satisfying him enough that he does not need to do it. He seems to be a controlled man. Try to tell him that you need for sex. A lot of natural things can cause him to increase his sex drives. Things that create heat in the body like chocolate or even coffee etc. Try it. It would work.
I am fascinated by this discussion. I really don't know to what degree masturbation is kept "private" within a marriage. Personally (I'm a guy) there are SO few opportunities (much less with supportive materials) - that masturbation frequency almost HAS to plummet UNLESS some sort of arrangement is struck.
I cannot imagine saying, "Pardon me dear, but I'm going to be in the bedroom for a few minutes to take care of my own needs"...
All that SAFE SEX out there has us believing that mutual masturbation was in vogue a few years back (is that, or was it ever, the case)...
All I know is that MY wife wants me to suck up to her for the possible privilege of sexual interaction (NO sure things)... Demanding constant affectionate attention - dinner - wine - mood setters ~ yet STILL she has no problem cutting things off on a whim (even though my name isn't Bobbit)...
IF my wife even suspects that I've masturbated - she resents THAT !!! That's despite her near total lack of sexual interest !!!
OK ~ I edited to add commas - thereby creating a parenthetic clause inside the parentheses... Also made other "changes"...
The "Bobbit" reference was referring to the gentleman outside of Washington, D.C. whose wife cut his penis off and cast it out a window on the road... later to be surgically re-attached (might have been before your time)...
Here4support, going by what you have posted about him being embarassed to talk about it, and that he says it's a private thing, and even more importantly, that you have told us you wouldn't be too happy about it if he were, because he doesn't have sex with you enough so he souldn't be 'wasting' it by himself (my phrase), I would have to say that it's possible he is still masturbating and just doesn't want to tell you, because he's embarrassed, and because he probably knows you aren't going to be happy about it. He probably thinks it's safer to say he just doesn't do it.
Which is not to say he might not be telling the truth, but I think the real issue here is that you and your husband aren't having sex often enough for your liking, and you're looking for reasons/solutions. Telling him he can't masturbate isn't a solution.
On a personal note, my last always said he didn't masturbate (if it ever came up), claimed he didn't have time! LOL. It embarassed the heck out of him to even discuss it, but I let it go. Just chalked it up his upbringing or whatever, no big deal, since I'm convinced that unless there is a medical reason or severe moral convictions, people just do masturbate, plain and simple. After 3 years he finally was able to refer to it in a non-denial manner. It was almost cute. Anyway, even in a totally open and very sexual relationship, some things are just hard to discuss/admit for some people, and in your case, probably even more so given the situation...
thats not bad he dosnt masturbate, you dont want a partner who is obsessed with sex, if you want to have sex, you should initiate it, maybe your aksing the wrong questions if you cant get him aroused, cause once the dudes aroused we are always in the mood.
OK ~ I edited to add commas - thereby creating a parenthetic clause inside the parentheses... Also made other "changes"...
The "Bobbit" reference was referring to the gentleman outside of Washington, D.C. whose wife cut his penis off and cast it out a window on the road... later to be surgically re-attached (might have been before your time)...
Talking about masturbation is NOT my forte, either... It is and has been a terribly private enterprise AND due to my strict Southern Baptist upbringing (which I am in staunchest denial of, now) ~ I cannot engage in the act without encountering some degree of guilt (like it, or not)...
I totally understand where you are coming from....and up until about 2 months ago, I never had the courage to even bring it up to my husband. Being brought up Catholic it wasn't very talked about in my upbringing, nor was it deemed ok. I feel like a sinner! Anyway I totally know what you mean.
Am I wrong to think this way?
