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Old 12-12-2004, 08:14 AM   #16
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Re: Too much masturbation??

Talk to herr about it me and my wife had our first converstion about the other night after being to gether for 20 years, Education is the key. I don't think Woman do it as often

 
Old 12-12-2004, 03:43 PM   #17
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Re: Too much masturbation??

It seems that no matter what the content of threads like this, the underlying meta-story is a feeling that there is something 'normal' out there, and that failing to achieve it or conform to it is a problem. Everyone has their own paranoid sense of what this 'normalcy' is that is being deviated from, but it seems to result in an attempt to choreograph sexual activity to a virtual script of some sort.

It's always seemed to me that the starting point should be erotic pleasure and what it takes to achieve that. A healthy partnership is one in which each person is able to experience this for themselves, and also within the context of each others' pleasure.

I think the pros and cons of masturbation have been ably dealt with already in this thread (I personally fall on the side of "If you enjoy it and you're not doing it in public and scaring the horses, what's the problem?"); what seems to be the issue for your girlfriend is that she is being left out. I won't suggest techniques or scenarios that might include her a bit more (everyone has different needs and fantasies and working out the unique requirements of ones own situation is part of the fun), only that to do so might not only ease her concerns, it might expand the scope of what you both find arousing and stimulating in the context of your sex play.

I will make this observation, however: it's been said that sex is not truly a spectator sport... maybe, however, there are times when "watching" can be an integral part of the action.
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Old 12-13-2004, 09:48 AM   #18
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Re: Too much masturbation??

Quote:
Originally Posted by edgework
...I won't suggest techniques or scenarios that might include her a bit more (everyone has different needs and fantasies and working out the unique requirements of ones own situation is part of the fun), only that to do so might not only ease her concerns, it might expand the scope of what you both find arousing and stimulating in the context of your sex play.

I will make this observation, however: it's been said that sex is not truly a spectator sport... maybe, however, there are times when "watching" can be an integral part of the action.

I've been working on that the past few days. I suggested phone sex, but she's not into that at all. As for watching, I'm not sure how to do that when we're apart. If we're together, we usually have sex. I might try it the next time she's sore though and doesn't want me to penetrate her. But even then we always do oral or something else.
Thanks for all the replies...they've been encouraging. I've stopped being paranoid about the amount I masturbate...trying to focus my attention on my fiancee. I'm not planning on telling her about when I do it, but I don't want to lie to her when she asks. Or should I? I'm not sure on how to include her without making her feel excluded.

 
Old 12-14-2004, 04:16 AM   #19
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Re: Too much masturbation??

Quote:
Originally Posted by sabro77
I'm not planning on telling her about when I do it, but I don't want to lie to her when she asks. Or should I? I'm not sure on how to include her without making her feel excluded.
When I'm at work, and the head of my department asks me "How's it going?" he expects a heads up on the various projects that I'm working on at the time, including any projectected obstacles and problems. When the president of the company walks by and says "How's it going?" he expects me to say "Just fine," which translates "Whatever I'm faced with, I can handle, so don't worry your pointy little head about anything." Am I lying to him? Nope. There are different languages for different situations, and you need to decide what is appropriate for the given context.

While there are always exceptions to any generalization, I don't think it's much of a stretch to state the obvious: Men view sex, and sexual stimulation, differently than women. That's why discussions about pornography and masturbation always end up the same way: bad translations that miss the point. My wife doesn't understand what turns me on, nor does she want to "understand" it. She acknowledges it, accepts it, is glad she's part of it, and is happy that she can help make it happen. Understanding isn't really part of the bargain.
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Old 12-15-2004, 09:07 PM   #20
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Re: Too much masturbation??

Sabro, your body is your own, and the problem you're talking about is your fiancee's, not yours. She's the one that needs advice, but I'm not in any position to give it. We guys have our own sex needs, our own type of sex drive, and it's more physical than women's -- that's just one of the facts of life. If she can't deal with it, it's not your fault; she ends up simply being overly possessive and in effect selfish, though of course she doesn't view it that way. If she likes to have dinner with you, does she want you not to eat except when you're with her? And if you eat more than she does, does she want you to eat less, because she does? If you need more (individual) sex, more orgasms than she does, why should she want you to abstain just because her needs are less? I can be sympathetic with her, but, I repeat, the problem is hers, not yours, and it's not one you can do much about. It certainly should not be up to you to solve it. If the conflict seems really serious, and she can't change HER attitude, then you may have to re-evaluate just how compatible the two of you are. You can't change your sex drive. There seems to be more & more evidence coming out these days to the effect that most married men still masturbate. Most of them probably just don't tell their wives.

There's nothing wrong with the amount you masturbate, and you'll find yourself living in Frustrationville if you start trying to "cut back" to satisfy someone else's notion of how you should handle the most personal and private part of your body, and the third most powerful urge of the human male: food & drink (together); shelter; and sex. Sex drives are not put in us to be restrained to fit somebody else's preferences and, pardon the expression, hangups.

I don't mean to sound too blunt, and I hope you TWO (but definitely not you, singly) can work things out if you think you really "belong together." Good luck!

 
Old 12-17-2004, 09:34 AM   #21
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Re: Too much masturbation??

Hey Sabro77,
Every woman and man are different and have different sexual desires. How ever it sounds to me that you are obsessed with it. Alot of men get addicted to masterbation. If you have sex every other day and masterbate a minimum of every day 2-3 times then it is an obession. Don't take it the wrong way, it is not harmful and doesnt hurt anyone, just wanting to point that out. My question to you is. A mans sperm fluid does not fill up quick enough to accomendate your needs, doesnt it hurt to have those dry orgasms? And also if you wait a day or two between orgasms your orgasms will be much stronger. Why not save it for your girlfriend and be a little on the "edge" and sex starved when you are with her? Yes women do get a little bent out of shape when they hear this because they want to be the ones satisfying you, not your hand, now she has to compete with your hand. It is just like if a woman only uses her toys every day, wouldnt you feel like you weren't man enough to satisfy her? Think about it

 
Old 12-17-2004, 05:05 PM   #22
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Re: Too much masturbation??

Quote:
Originally Posted by pcantona
Hey Sabro77,
Every woman and man are different and have different sexual desires. How ever it sounds to me that you are obsessed with it. Alot of men get addicted to masterbation. If you have sex every other day and masterbate a minimum of every day 2-3 times then it is an obession. Don't take it the wrong way, it is not harmful and doesnt hurt anyone, just wanting to point that out. My question to you is. A mans sperm fluid does not fill up quick enough to accomendate your needs, doesnt it hurt to have those dry orgasms? And also if you wait a day or two between orgasms your orgasms will be much stronger. Why not save it for your girlfriend and be a little on the "edge" and sex starved when you are with her? Yes women do get a little bent out of shape when they hear this because they want to be the ones satisfying you, not your hand, now she has to compete with your hand. It is just like if a woman only uses her toys every day, wouldnt you feel like you weren't man enough to satisfy her? Think about it
"A mans sperm fluid does not fill up quick enough to accomendate your needs, doesnt it hurt to have those dry orgasms?"





where did u get that from, thats LUDACRIS !!! thats totally wrong lol.

 
Old 12-20-2004, 10:05 AM   #23
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Re: Too much masturbation??

Quote:
Originally Posted by pcantona
Hey Sabro77,
Every woman and man are different and have different sexual desires. How ever it sounds to me that you are obsessed with it. Alot of men get addicted to masterbation. If you have sex every other day and masterbate a minimum of every day 2-3 times then it is an obession. Don't take it the wrong way, it is not harmful and doesnt hurt anyone, just wanting to point that out. My question to you is. A mans sperm fluid does not fill up quick enough to accomendate your needs, doesnt it hurt to have those dry orgasms? And also if you wait a day or two between orgasms your orgasms will be much stronger. Why not save it for your girlfriend and be a little on the "edge" and sex starved when you are with her? Yes women do get a little bent out of shape when they hear this because they want to be the ones satisfying you, not your hand, now she has to compete with your hand. It is just like if a woman only uses her toys every day, wouldnt you feel like you weren't man enough to satisfy her? Think about it
Thanks for your comments, but I have to agree with ProdeeK. I don't know if you read all of my previous posts, but I'm able to ejaculate quite a volume every time I orgasm. I've never had a "dry orgasm" in my life. I agree that if I wait a day or two, my ejaculations are stronger, but not the orgasms. But like I said, it's not the ejaculate that is the problem, which is always strong with lots of volume and projection.
Also, my gf is not in competition with my hand -- I WANT to have more sex with her. If we were having sex twice a day, then I'm sure I wouldn't masturbate. But we're not, so it's not like she's wanting more and not getting it. I don't think I need to be any more on "edge" or "sex starved" when we get together...I never have trouble with performance, i.e. stamina and climax, and I'm always ready to have sex.
And in response to your last comment, ("It is just like if a woman only uses her toys every day, wouldnt you feel like you weren't man enough to satisfy her? Think about it "), I'm not "only" masturbating. My gf and I have sex a few times a week. But if I were the one who didn't want to have sex, and SHE were the one not having her needs met, then of course she could use toys when we were apart. I love her and don't want her to need for anything. Plus, I find it very sexy to think of her masturbating.

 
Old 12-23-2004, 02:19 PM   #24
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Re: Too much masturbation??

I agree wit ya sabro!

 
Old 12-25-2004, 10:19 PM   #25
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Re: Too much masturbation??

Personally, when I am in a realtionship I still like to masturbate but with them! This is something I have openly expressed to my partners and it has never been a problem. I love it. It works out great later in the session if she is not quite in the mood or if it's that time of the month. I love masturbating in front of my gf and I sometimes prefer that to actual intercourse. It just excites me. I also like it when a gf tells me that she uses her vibrator and I encourage it. By all means. I never take it personal. Let her have her fantasies. Just like you.

Your problem here may be more communication with your partner than anything. Why did this even come up? I don't think she has a say here. If the reason you MB on your own is not because of her then that is all you have to say not that you need to say anything. You don't have to change for her as long as it is not causing a problem.

Anyway, keep an open mind to doing it with her. Who knows. Maybe that will stop you from doing it on your own OR make her understand it a little more. Try laying next to her and stimulating her with your hand while you do your thing. OR you do your thing and she does hers together. It may make you understand yourselves and each other more = getting closer

 
Old 01-25-2005, 12:33 AM   #26
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I have no idea why your GF is upset. I'm in a very serious, wonderful relationship with my guy, and we both still masturbate frequently and openly. [delted] I particularly like being involved when he masturbates because then I know he's thinking about me, though he says that he's always thinking about me while masturbating.

I should say that he's not all that into porn and always masturbates without it. I believe him because not only does he have no reason to lie (I wouldn't be mad), but we've been together for years and I've never seen any porn anywhere in our house or computer. The only reason I can see for a woman to object to her guy masturbating would be if he's more interested in doing that using porn than being with her, but that doesn't seem to be the case here at all. Maybe your GF just feels inadequate and left out, thinking that she's not enough for you. You need to find a way to explain that you're completely happy with your sex life, but you still like to frequently get a quick release from masturbating. It doesn't have anything to do with being less than fulfilled by her.

Honestly, to me it's incredibly silly, selfish, and insecure for a woman to be threatened by her guy masturbating--why would you want to deny your man such a harmless, enjoyable activity? For both sexes, the more you orgasm, the more you'll want sex and the more you'll love sex, so both people in a relationship win when one person masturbates. As a woman, I wouldn't want to be involved with someone who would begrudge me this simple pleasure or make me feel like I had to hide it from him, and I'm sure the majority of men agree. So in response to the original question of this thread, I don't think there's such a thing as too much masturbation unless it gets in the way of pleasing your partner or other responsibilities. Otherwise, Sabo, there is nothing at all wrong with what you're doing--it's definitely your girlfriend's problem, which unfortunately is a sign of hangups that could undermine your long-term sexual compatibility. I hope that doesn't happen and that you are able to get her to be more open-minded rather than insecure and needlessly threatened. I agree with RBT 100%--maybe if you can get her involved, she will see that you are completely devoted to her and satisfied by her. I hope it all works out for the best .

Last edited by Mod-S4; 01-25-2005 at 08:20 AM. Reason: TMI

 
Old 01-25-2005, 06:19 PM   #27
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Re: Too much masturbation??

Enjoy it while you can. I'am curious why do you feel so compelled to tell her? Do you tell her everytime you have other bodyily functions It always great to be open in relationship but somethings are better left alone if she was raised like society dictates that masturbation isn't normal than tell her do do some research. And Get educated. Sounds like you have allot of time on your hands. No pun intended

 
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