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Old 12-13-2004, 05:17 PM   #1
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Will anxiety cause less than rock hard erections?

I'm in my mid 20's and I've never had a problem before. I was married before and had sex a thousand times without ever giving this a second thought but now its becoming a nagging issue for me! I'm healthy, never done drugs, and in great shape. When I was first messing with my current girlfriend when we were "dry humping", i was hard as a rock for like 2 hours and didn't even ejaculate. BUt a couple months later, when we went to have sex, I was nervous because she was the first woman i felt connected to since my ex wife. I could not get it hard that first attempt. It really hit me hard cuz it never happened before. I chocked it up to nerves. To say the least i was embarrassed. Since then, it has been off and on having a problem getting an erection and if i do, keeping it hard through foreplay. It is killing me mentally. at 27, i should not need Viagra. Can nerves and the constant worrying that it will happen time and time again, cause this reocurring nightmare? If so, what's the solution? My girlfriend is understanding but i don't want to make her less than totally happy, she deserves better. And to think, I would have never given this a second thought before that first time. Thanks guys.

 
Old 12-14-2004, 02:28 AM   #2
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Re: Will anxiety cause less than rock hard erections?

Remember man that our two heads are very connected! This is all about nerves and performance anxiety, you're worried and stressed that the lil guy isn't going to get going and you're trying too hard. All of that spells disaster! Unfortunately, once this happens to us we get all freaked and worried that it'll happen again and then it does...only making it more worse. The only thing that helps is to forget about the past problems, yeah right. One thing that may help is to try and forget that you even have a penis, focus totally on her and giving her pleasure. If you're not mutually masturbating as part of foreplay, try that. Seems that you may need to convince yourself (and her) that it works, even masturbating to ejaculation with her help may help you here. Keep working at it, be patient and don't get so frustrated that you are convinced something is wrong. When you're masturbating it works well right? If so, then you KNOW it works and it will get erect and stay that way, so viagra and other treatments aren't necessary. Just gotta get this one out of your head! Hope this helps man, good luck!

 
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Old 12-14-2004, 02:14 PM   #3
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Re: Will anxiety cause less than rock hard erections?

Lance, thanks for the advice but I almost wish it was a medical problem instead of mental. Its very hard to not to think about it happening again every time u go to do it. Its getting to the point where my girlfriend is thinking it is her and that I just am not sexually interested in her. To the point where she is thinking about "shutting off the spigot" so to speak because it is bothering her, a girl that is used to having a lot of guys that want to be with her. She cant be further from the truth about me not wanting her but to be honest, with the anxiety of the problem looming over the head, the ole libido goes down tremendously. Its funny but I would have killed to be with a woman this good looking before now I feel like I'm a failure when I have the opportunity. This is a woman I would want to spend the rest of my life with, our relationship heart to heart could not be stronger, but I feel this will break us apart if it doesn't cure itself soon. That's my biggest fear. She's never had to deal with this before in prior relationships and I don't know if she knows how to deal with it and either do i.

 
Old 12-14-2004, 03:03 PM   #4
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Re: Will anxiety cause less than rock hard erections?

Man oh Man I wish this was medical and could be solved easily. But you've said it yourself buddy...you want to please her SOOOO bad and are so loving the relationship and her....you're putting alot of pressure on yourself and now that the lil guy is nervous too...its too much pressure. Man, I feel your pain. Please, just try to work this out my friend...it has nothing to do with her at all. Its your wanting to make this work so bad because you're so into her that may be causing some of the problems. Calm down, stop worrying and putting so much pressure on yourself to make it work and work this one out. Man I wish there was another answer here but this one is all about the pressure you're putting on yourself to make it right. Keep trying, keep trying!

 
Old 12-18-2004, 08:20 AM   #5
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Re: Will anxiety cause less than rock hard erections?

I think you should give it some time. Do not have sex for another say a month or so. Try to relax. Don't think that you have to do it. Simply just be there and think that there is nothing that can stop you from having sex. You are all normal. Take off from work. Go to a green place, see a lot of grass. Surf and then all of a sudden have sex. You would see the difference believe me. At times a tranquilizors an hour before the sex help. Really it does. Try it. It relaxes you.

 
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