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Old 12-16-2004, 12:58 PM   #1
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My husband is having ED at age 39...

Having sex with my husband should be an olympic event... Let me first start off with saying I don't dislike having sex, but my husband takes a LONG time, yes, it CAN be too long guys... He has always been very good at doing it for long stretches of time (even though I do NOT encourage that, I'd rather two nicely timed encounters instead of one that feels like I'd need people standing by the bedside to hand me cups of water to pour over my head) but lately, for the past year he's been having erection problems, which just adds to the whole ordeal. I am as hot as I could ever be, I'm giving and loving in bed, but he always looses his erection at some point during sex, usually right after he's warded off having an orgasm - so he can last longer - then he totally looses his erection and it's up to ME to get it back up. It's just a lot of work most times, the whole thing taking anywhere from 45 minutes to 1 1/2 hours - really.
I would just rather he go ahead and have his orgasm and that would be fine with me. Instead, his holding it off makes him loose his erection and then it's all kinds of work for me. It takes a while to get it back, and I'm trying every trick in the book to bring it back. It's frustrating, working on a flacid penis is not something I've EVER had to do, but I don't say "this isn't working, why don't we just stop" because I know it would hurt his feelings. Once, when it really was staying flacid and showing no signs of coming back after my working on it for 15 minutes, I said "why don't we just rest for a little while" and he got so MAD at me.
He's only 39 and I didn't expect to be having these problems already. Yes, he's on Viagra. Yes, I've talked to him about not going so long. I told him he'd get it WAY more often if it wasn't so long. He always says "I didn't hear you complaining in bed!" Like I'm going to complain WHILE we're doing it. Of course, I'm supportive DURING the whole process. I love him. He just doesn't get it.
Any advice?

 
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Old 12-16-2004, 02:13 PM   #2
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Re: My husband is having ED at age 39...

db, I feel bad for you! I can't believe he got mad when you wanted to take a break. I suppose he is under a lot of stress to perform though, it must be frustrating for him because he's only 39. My one question is does he masturbate? I'm just wondering if he is able to give himself an orgasm or if he cannot achieve that either.
You said he's on Viagra... maybe that's another thing that's causing him to take so long. I've heard that some men can have 2 hour erections with no orgasm. Maybe a new prescription like Cialis or Levitra would have a different effect.

 
Old 12-16-2004, 04:48 PM   #3
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Re: My husband is having ED at age 39...

Is it possible that he is actually ejaculating, but pretending that he hasn't. That would explain the long recovery of a flacid penis. Something seems a little strange here. Maybe he's just different, but it seems suspicious that he loses it right before orgasm. Maybe he enjoys your long recovery sessions on him, which I suspect maybe oral?

ItzMe2

 
Old 12-16-2004, 05:23 PM   #4
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Re: My husband is having ED at age 39...

He was having this problem before he started taking Cialis, it wasn't Viagra, but I couldn't remember the name before.

This problem has been coming on for a long time, years. It just finally came to a head several months ago when it became the norm for him to go ahead and have sex with me while it was flacid. Like, I'm not going to notice??? I finally screwed up my courage and suggested he talk to his uroligist. Kind of "Oh, wouldn't it be a kick to try Viagra?" I tried to be tactful and was suprised when several months later he did go. It must have been embarrassing for him to go to a doctor for that. But after he got the meds. we had "Cialis dates." and I gave great praise to his "Super" ah, member. He seemed proud. (Using the Cialis didn't solve MY problem, yes, it was as long as usual, 1 - 1 1/2 hours, it's "nice" but it's just a little eccessive...

No, he's not ejaculating, you know how you guys do, you get close and say "Don't move." And then you think about, I don't know, dead puppies? And then you can go some more. It's what he's always done, but now it's not quite having the effect I would like.

He is definitely an "overachiever", are you getting that about him? And I think this erectile dysfunction is really bothering him, which will just cause MORE erectile dysfunction. That's why I've tried to be real understanding and not get huffy and storm off. (I have a friend that when her husband had this problem she said "This ain't workin'." And then she went to fix herself a sandwich.) I would NEVER do that. I love him.

I'm just so worried about the future. If this is happening NOW, what's it going to be like 10 years from now?

 
Old 12-16-2004, 06:43 PM   #5
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Re: My husband is having ED at age 39...

Quote:
Originally Posted by dbhubbs
Having sex with my husband should be an olympic event... Let me first start off with saying I don't dislike having sex, but my husband takes a LONG time, yes, it CAN be too long guys... He has always been very good at doing it for long stretches of time (even though I do NOT encourage that, I'd rather two nicely timed encounters instead of one that feels like I'd need people standing by the bedside to hand me cups of water to pour over my head) but lately, for the past year he's been having erection problems, which just adds to the whole ordeal. I am as hot as I could ever be, I'm giving and loving in bed, but he always looses his erection at some point during sex, usually right after he's warded off having an orgasm - so he can last longer - then he totally looses his erection and it's up to ME to get it back up. It's just a lot of work most times, the whole thing taking anywhere from 45 minutes to 1 1/2 hours - really.
I would just rather he go ahead and have his orgasm and that would be fine with me. Instead, his holding it off makes him loose his erection and then it's all kinds of work for me. It takes a while to get it back, and I'm trying every trick in the book to bring it back. It's frustrating, working on a flacid penis is not something I've EVER had to do, but I don't say "this isn't working, why don't we just stop" because I know it would hurt his feelings. Once, when it really was staying flacid and showing no signs of coming back after my working on it for 15 minutes, I said "why don't we just rest for a little while" and he got so MAD at me.
He's only 39 and I didn't expect to be having these problems already. Yes, he's on Viagra. Yes, I've talked to him about not going so long. I told him he'd get it WAY more often if it wasn't so long. He always says "I didn't hear you complaining in bed!" Like I'm going to complain WHILE we're doing it. Of course, I'm supportive DURING the whole process. I love him. He just doesn't get it.
Any advice?

Hi DBH,

Could he be watching too many porn movies or masturbating to slow things down for himself... he may think that the only sex a woman likes is a marathon encounter.

If he has a hard time getting it up the first time, then you may need to worry about his cholesterol levels and arterial blockage which often shows up
as ED long before the heart has a problem.
His age may also be an issue with him, since some men fear loosing their ability as they age, thus causing the lack of needed relaxation to fulfill the prophecy.
He may have a problem relaxing and is depending on the viagra too much.
Time to take your stallion to the Vet.
(I hope he is not on a mission to encourage you to invite a girlfriend over.)

Ron

Last edited by Ron; 12-16-2004 at 06:50 PM.

 
Old 12-16-2004, 08:04 PM   #6
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Unhappy Re: My husband is having ED at age 39...

Thanks Ron, I think you're right. I have been worried about his health. If arteries are clogged up in his penis, what about his heart?

As far as "taking care" of himself before sex so it will last longer, we've been together 16 years total, married 11 years. Yes, when we first started dating I think that's what he did. I really don't think that's what he's doing now, because sometimes I catch him off-guard, so he wouldn't have time to.

I think something is wrong, and his mind is now in the mix, worrying about whether or not it's going to stay hard. I feel for him, but, I also feel for me!

Also, his penis isn't as large as it used to be, really. How can it be smaller now? It used to be so big around, in girth, and longer. Even with the Cialis it isn't back to it's past proportions. It's not just me, I know I've had two kids, but my hands and mouth definitely haven't changed any.

Also, it bends at the base, even when it's hard. Is that normal? We have to be careful about our angles, or we really hit it wrong and it bends and we both get hurt. And if it's not so hard, which is most of the time, I have to move in a certain way to get leverage so it works right - I don't know how to describe it, but it's got a swivel base, okay? It's always been that way.

We used a rubber ring at the base of his penis once, but, it didn't really help with the hardness much. With it in my hand I could feel the blood squishing around in his penis, and veins were popping out on it, it didn't look right and I was afraid we were damaging his penis. He wouldn't let me take it off though, but I never offered to use it again.

I'm worried about him.

 
Old 12-16-2004, 09:07 PM   #7
Ron Ron is offline
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Re: My husband is having ED at age 39...

[QUOTE=dbhubbs]Thanks Ron, I think you're right. I have been worried about his health. If arteries are clogged up in his penis, what about his heart?

As far as "taking care" of himself before sex so it will last longer, we've been together 16 years total, married 11 years. Yes, when we first started dating I think that's what he did. I really don't think that's what he's doing now, because sometimes I catch him off-guard, so he wouldn't have time to.

I think something is wrong, and his mind is now in the mix, worrying about whether or not it's going to stay hard. I feel for him, but, I also feel for me!

Also, his penis isn't as large as it used to be, really. How can it be smaller now? It used to be so big around, in girth, and longer. Even with the Cialis it isn't back to it's past proportions. It's not just me, I know I've had two kids, but my hands and mouth definitely haven't changed any.
*** Never mention this to him. You have discovered aging. (Get some reading glasses.) I hope you are not going to be a Cougar in a few years. Maybe his testosterone levels are a bit low? ***

Also, it bends at the base, even when it's hard. Is that normal? We have to be careful about our angles, or we really hit it wrong and it bends and we both get hurt.
***You are not alone. You know exactly where to rub and that bends
him.. I guess this happens when you are sitting on top.
I am sure he likes the view, but it is grinding to the member from the south.
Why not stop trying for the perfect simultaneous "O" and try the doggie position while you use your hand on yourself? That way. you are in control and when you are done he can play all he wants without guilt about leaving you unsatisfied That is what they do in the movies. ***

And if it's not so hard, which is most of the time, I have to move in a certain way to get leverage so it works right - I don't know how to describe it, but it's got a swivel base, okay? It's always been that way.
***There is a tendon that supports it from below and keeps it pointing upward... I wonder if he has been hanging weights on it as suggested in some magazines, loosening the support. Does he have any anxiety or depression problems? ***

We used a rubber ring at the base of his penis once, but, it didn't really help with the hardness much. With it in my hand I could feel the blood squishing around in his penis, and veins were popping out on it, it didn't look right and I was afraid we were damaging his penis.
***Prolonged repeated use could cause damage or clotting. I would not do it. ***

He wouldn't let me take it off though, but I never offered to use it again.
***I guess it was a very different and confining feeling so he just wanted to ride with the new saddle 'til the next town.***

I'm worried about him.
***Have you tried dressing up in something different.. like a librarian with those reading glasses or an airline hostess? Men are simple creatures and
visual stimulation can be very effective. Just don't wear those outfits when you go shopping... you cougar! unless that also excites him..
He will probably want to go grocery shopping more than ever... Grrr

You can probably get something very 70'ish and cheap at the Goodwill, Value Village or Salvation Army recycling stores. One of those Jackie Kennedy pilbox hats can be flattering too, if you can't find a tunic.

I better stop before I get excited... Oops!! Too late! ***

Ron

 
Old 12-17-2004, 04:07 AM   #8
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Re: My husband is having ED at age 39...

Hmmm...

Personally I would be talking to him about this. It doesn't seem like a totally serious problem but it's obvious you both have some things you'd like to sort out. Maybe he's stressed and he just needs someone to initiate a talk with him?
How fit/healthy is he? I'm not sure but it could be a cause of the erection problems if he isn't doing his part to stay fit and healthy.
I imagine the fact of you both knowing something might go wrong during sex adds to either tension of anxiety and this could also be a vicious cycle causing him to lose them, try alot of mutual foreplay and maybe some nice candles or music, really set a relaxing mood - even get the massage oils out!
Hope this helps!
J

 
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