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Old 12-21-2004, 03:29 AM   #1
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lestatac HB User
Trained myself the wrong way.

Ok this may sound a little weird at first but try and stay with me.
My problem is this.
Since I started masterbating around 5 years ago I have masterbated a very different way to most people.I Kind of push my penis against my leg, and usually orgasm while only semi hard.
Now this is good for getting off very quickly and being able to back it up with minimal effort.
But now that I have started attemping to have sex with a girlfriend I fear that I may be ruined for life.
I still wake up with erections but they never last long and occasionaly get erections but again they never last long.
Two nights ago i attempted to have sex, and I was unable to get an erection even though I liked the girl I was with.
Now obviously I have trained myself to climax in a strange way, is it possible to retrain myself? I am still young, furthermore does anyone else masterbate this way? Have they had sexual problems themselves and over come them.

I could really do with some advice, as frankly a life of no sexual initmacys is the most frightening thing I can think of.

 
Old 12-21-2004, 12:25 PM   #2
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Geoff B HB UserGeoff B HB UserGeoff B HB UserGeoff B HB UserGeoff B HB UserGeoff B HB User
Re: Trained myself the wrong way.

Do you get erections when you seee something that excites you in a situation where you can't masturbate? You could try using your fist to masturbate with, either using your foreskin or what loose skin you have or if you are circumcised too tightly a lubricant. Don't let yourself go back to the other way and see if you get a full erection.
If you can't do this then I would seek help from a sexual therapist.
Geoff

 
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Old 12-21-2004, 01:13 PM   #3
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Re: Trained myself the wrong way.

You will most likely be able to retrain yourself. So take courage.

Try working on retaining errections instead of coming quickly. Focus on your feelings. Try to avoid climaxing every day, and try waiting a week or so between them for a few months. Also be sure to focus on actually having sex with a girl when masturbating.

If we can program (train) ourselves one way we can retrain ourselves another way. It does take time and consistancy.

Good luck. Keep us posted on your progress.

 
Old 12-21-2004, 06:17 PM   #4
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Re: Trained myself the wrong way.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GeoffB
Do you get erections when you seee something that excites you in a situation where you can't masturbate? You could try using your fist to masturbate with, either using your foreskin or what loose skin you have or if you are circumcised too tightly a lubricant. Don't let yourself go back to the other way and see if you get a full erection.
If you can't do this then I would seek help from a sexual therapist.
Geoff
Yer I do, specially when I wake up in the morning and the mind wanders.....its a lil more difficult during the day for some reason.
The erection thing I know is partly because now I am telling myself..get it up..get it up, when I just think sexually it works.

 
Old 12-21-2004, 06:21 PM   #5
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Re: Trained myself the wrong way.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrOwl
You will most likely be able to retrain yourself. So take courage.

Try working on retaining errections instead of coming quickly. Focus on your feelings. Try to avoid climaxing every day, and try waiting a week or so between them for a few months. Also be sure to focus on actually having sex with a girl when masturbating.

If we can program (train) ourselves one way we can retrain ourselves another way. It does take time and consistancy.

Good luck. Keep us posted on your progress.
Ah yes this is what I have been trying of late, not touching it just seeing how long I can keep it up, though it never stays fully hard kind or softens but still what I presume is strong enough.
I have decided not to climax at all untill I can climax the right way so its been a little over a week already.
I try masterbating the conventional way, it does feel good but not like the way I used to feel the "Presure building up way".
Plus it wants to go back to a semi like the old way.

Thankyou to all those that have helped so far

 
Old 12-22-2004, 04:05 PM   #6
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edgework HB User
Re: Trained myself the wrong way.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lestatac
The erection thing I know is partly because now I am telling myself..get it up..get it up, when I just think sexually it works.
A problem that ranges far beyond issues of masturbation. If, as you say, you are telling yourself "Get it up! Get it up!", whether consciously or otherwise you are turning your partner into judge and jury, quite probably without her knowledge, consent or approval. On the other hand, a willing, cooperative, supportive partner can shift the dynamic dramatically. In my experience, while women certainly want the technical side of things to function, they are less likely to separate nuts and bolts from the subjective, emotional dimension: in other words, they take a wholistic approach to the relationship, while we, men that we are, are focused on getting the job done, measuring up and crossing the finish line. You will find no better way to recondition your reflexes than with a partner you trust, who is willing to work with you towards mutual enjoyment. And if you find that she is not willing, that she really is judge and jury, dump her. You're lucky to have found out early.
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Last edited by edgework; 12-22-2004 at 04:07 PM.

 
Old 12-22-2004, 04:50 PM   #7
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Re: Trained myself the wrong way.

Quote:
Originally Posted by edgework
A problem that ranges far beyond issues of masturbation. If, as you say, you are telling yourself "Get it up! Get it up!", whether consciously or otherwise you are turning your partner into judge and jury, quite probably without her knowledge, consent or approval. On the other hand, a willing, cooperative, supportive partner can shift the dynamic dramatically. In my experience, while women certainly want the technical side of things to function, they are less likely to separate nuts and bolts from the subjective, emotional dimension: in other words, they take a wholistic approach to the relationship, while we, men that we are, are focused on getting the job done, measuring up and crossing the finish line. You will find no better way to recondition your reflexes than with a partner you trust, who is willing to work with you towards mutual enjoyment. And if you find that she is not willing, that she really is judge and jury, dump her. You're lucky to have found out early.

Thankyou for that, my girlfriend is exactly what you have described, while she hasnt said anything as yet to me I but i can tell she is worring it.
My only concern is she blames herself, a few times I have heard her suggest that I wasnt attracted to her or that she wasnt good enough, something that hurts me as well.
I have found the longer I go without masterbating the longer my erections by myself last and the more often I get them, it seems slowly but surely I am able to get erections, the issue of being able to orgasm is another one entirely, while I enjoy the feeling, like I said earlier it doesnt feel like before, I dont feel that build up till explode sensation.

 
Old 12-24-2004, 02:50 PM   #8
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Re: Trained myself the wrong way.

Im a 20yr old male and i ejaculate the same way - i relate to what you have said totally....i think alot of the time i masterbate without feeling in the mood for it - whick leads me to ejaculate semi hard..you know?

 
Old 12-27-2004, 01:31 AM   #9
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Re: Trained myself the wrong way.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ozma1984
Im a 20yr old male and i ejaculate the same way - i relate to what you have said totally....i think alot of the time i masterbate without feeling in the mood for it - whick leads me to ejaculate semi hard..you know?

Have you had any problems when having sex with females or recieving head?

 
Old 01-20-2005, 02:06 PM   #10
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Re: Trained myself the wrong way.

Im in the same situation as you......glad i found this post
I was wondering how your progress is going?
is sex possible yet?
oral?
I'm just looking for advice while not having to vistit a sexual therapist and explain to my parents the problem.....its much easier this way

 
Old 01-20-2005, 08:38 PM   #11
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Re: Trained myself the wrong way.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Yellowpage2
Im in the same situation as you......glad i found this post
I was wondering how your progress is going?
is sex possible yet?
oral?
I'm just looking for advice while not having to vistit a sexual therapist and explain to my parents the problem.....its much easier this way
Well I can now get an erection, sometimes by mind sometimes by just touching myself when I am with her.
So now when we go to have sex I get it about half way in (I am probally above average size and she is pretty tight), and it starts to go soft. Not totally but about 75 percent, and then it just dies.
Very frustrating we have tried about 4-5 times so far, I will keep persisting but I dont know.
I am pretty sure the key is learning to masterbate the right way and then things will fall into place.
I think the problem is my mind/Penis dont contribute ejaculation and arousal with errection as I have ejaculated in the past without an errection.

Still very frustrating/embarrassing I wish there was someone else out there that had the same problem and overcome it, would really help

 
Old 01-23-2005, 04:07 PM   #12
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Re: Trained myself the wrong way.

THERE IS HOPE!
Just thought I would share the good news with anyone that has posted on this thread to help me.
I would like to say a big thankyou, for a while there I was worried I was going to be thrown on the "sexually deprived" scrapeheap for my entire life due to my problem.
I am happy to say the mind is a powerful thing, you can retrain your body after years of doing something the wrong way.
Few days ago after more than two weeks of not masterbating I actually masterbated the traditional way, seeing the girlfriend in probally 2-3 days and for the first time I realise that sex is now possible.
Thankyou again people that helped.

 
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