Hi, I'm new here and I have a question I'll try not to make very long..my husband of 24 years age 42 has been having erection prob. for 3 1/2 years...started out just now and then and now if we don't have sex as soon as he is the even the littlest aroused he looses it...even in the middle of things...I am beyond frustated...he has never had this problem in all of our years together..now I constantly feel rejected every time it happens and he feels embarrased...he had his testerone checked and it was fine..he even cried and says it's him and not me..he can masterbate sometimes being semi-hard--porn doesn't even arouse him..doc said it was stress..tried viagra and cialis didn't work...no erection at night or morning..if stress wouldn't he have erections when he was asleep and relaxed??????? any help...I have begged him to go to the doc he say he will but he never makes any effort ...I have told I am to the point of having an affair and he's scared I will and I don't want to..I just miss my husband and the way he used to be..he doesn't even pay attention to me out of bed...He never wants to shower or take a bath with me anymore and there's not look of desire in his eyes any more...I put on a nightie and stood in front of him and ask him to come to bed all he said was thats nice..where'd you get that and watched a ballgame for 40 minutes and then came to bed...I may not be a super model...but damn, I'm also not a dog faced mutt either...I can't even touch him unless he gives me the okay..this just isn't a normal marriage...he had hodgkins lymphoma in 1996 but has had not effects from that he was fine until June 2001...someone help!!!!!!!!
has he had any injury down there? Sometimes just riding a bike and hitting a small bump may do some damage and it may not be immediately troubling. if Viagra or cialis didn't work, I'm thinking more of a blood flow problem such as damaged veins, or low blood pressure. Has anything been checked out by a urologist?
Sounds to me like what you BOTH need to do is go see a doctor TOGETHER and discuss your issues. Your hubby prolly hasn't called a doctor due to embarrassment of having erectile dysfunction. It can be devastating to a man not being able to function. I'd seek professional help before I'd seek another lover IMHO.
I would agree that if Viagra or Cialis did not work that he must have a blood flow problem to the penis. I am 66 and take Viagra and have no problem getting an erection so I know that Viagra does work.
Sometimes the first sign of problems with the arteries and with eventual heart problems is lack of blood flow to the penis because the small arteries to the penis are clogged with plaque. Neither you or him should settle for this problem. He should seek help with a doctor and see if you can find out the problem. Chelation might help as it supposedly cleans out the arteries. You would have to find a doctor who does chelation, and not many do. It is expensive, and he would probably need about 30 treatments at about $100 each. Good luck. Please seek help for the problem as it may be a sign of a worse problem coming. And please don't have an affair; just help and support your husband at this time. He needs it.
Thanks everyone....I also think it sounds more like a blood flow problem because he's never had any injury of any sort...he does eat a fatty diet (which I try to get him to control) so it could be a sign of something worse down the road...we have no issues that need marriage counseling or anything of that sort...we are completely open with each other..he is just embarrased as any man would be that had never had any problem before..he has never avoided me before..he usually wanted sex more than I did..so this is a big change...I don't want another man...I have been with him since I was 14...married at 18 and am now 42..he's the only man I've ever been with...I love him more than life itself...I just feel so isolated...I just want my marriage back the way it was before this all started...Thanks for everyones help...I will try to talk to him again about going to the urologist!!!
Ok, I just want to say that if you are seriously considering having an affair because he is having trouble with his libido, you definately need some marriage counseling. Ask yourself what you would do if he was in a car accident and was paralyzed from the waste down. Is that also grounds for cheating. Just my opinion I guess but it doesn't help things that you are frustrated with him and not being understanding. One of the problems could be the pressure and he might just be so nervous that bam... it goes away. This could also be the reason he is avoiding intamacy. He is scared to let you down when he can't keep it up.
Talk to his doctor about it. This could be a sign of many diseases... diabetes being one, athlerosclerosis, high blood pressure,etc. Don't give up, as frustrating as it is. Many people have this problem, so keep reassuring your husband and get him to a doctor.
Maybe this too late but: If he doesn't get erections during the night or in the morning, the problem sounds physical. (as in injury - mountain biking can do it). The rest of the "symptoms" may be caused by that one alone.
Hi, desperate housewife again....I DO NOT MEAN TO COME ACROSS AS NOT BEING UNDERSTANDING!!! I am far from it and I WOULDN'T LOVE MY HUSBAND ANY LESS IF HE WERE PARALYZED FROM THE WAIST DOWN, (see other post) nothing could be done about that...but something can be done about this..I did suggest another woman and he said if he couldn't with me how could he with another woman...I am very understandubg and I have been with my husband through cancer and a hip replacement so don't tell me that I am less than supportive, loving, and understanding...I have loved this man for 24 years and have been more than patient for the last 3 1/2 years that this has been going on...I don't want him to die from heart disease (which runs in his family) or somehing horrible that he could have prevented just because he refuses to go to the doctor...I don't have issues...every tiime he can't perform..I hug him and tell him I love him and it's okay and I tell him with all the love I can give him and don't judge him...can anyone understand my feelings on this situation after it going on after 3 1/2 years ....has any other man out there let this go on for this many years without getting it taken care of...or did you just lose someone you love because you refused to go to the doctor and get it taken care of????
He sounds discouraged and by avoiding sexual situations he thinks he can avoid facing the problem. As the others have said, there does appear to be a physical problem that needs to be dealt with. You should demand he make an appointment with a urologist and then go with him. He may be embarassed, so you need to be there to ensure he goes and to ensure the doctor is made aware of the facts of the case.
While I generally advise against nagging, this is one case where it is warranted. Nagging is better than having an affair.
Most men avoid going to the Doc like the plague when it comes to ED. There is no scarier thing for a guy (buying tampons for your wife at the local supermarket is peanuts compared to the thought of navigating a Doctor's office for ED and having to constantly answer the question "What's your complaint?".
Here are some suggestions ...
1. You handle all of the appointment arrangements yourself -- so all he has to do is show up at the prescribed time. Talk to the receptionist, and make sure she knows that your husband is a little embarrased by this, so please handle him with kids gloves. Pick a small-time Doctor's office for this -- as the personal service will be a lot better.
2. If you live in a small town, pick an office in another town, so there is no chance your hubby will meet someone at the Doc's office that he knows or works with.
3. Talk to your hubby beforehand to see what kind of Doc he'd be more comfortable with. Some prefer to have a woman doc for this issue. They're hard to find but some men believe that a woman doc will be more empathetic with their problem. Some want a male doc -- if so, get an older one -- ideally one older than your husband because your hubby might feel better with an older doc, feeling that he has an idea about what he might be going through.
But you are basically going to have to do everything for him. Believe, he is scared to death of even attempting this.
Yes, 28 months and 1 sex encounter here I am. It is frustrating and no one else who does not have this problem can understand the levels of frustration we must endure.Not a day goes by that I dont' wonder whats wrong with me well actually a few days can go by.If it werent for our friends I would feel like a total lemon.By that I guess they don't think I am so bad.I even bought some newe cologne this x mas to smell different and better but it ain't working.
My husband is 51, I am 27. He had exactly the same problem as you last year. We love each other more than anything and i have always been supportive. We tried viagra and all sorts of stimulants but nothing worked. He did see his GP which i think made it worse. Of course if your husband is having general health problems, these should be investigated.
He was really hung up over it and even the thought of going to bed made him worry. In the end, i gave his penis a name (won't tell you what it was...you'd laugh) and we used to talk about it in a humerous (bit not sarcastic) way. He relaxed and eventually we were able to start having sex again. In all, this took about 6 months and my hubby now realises that if sometimes he cant get an erection, then so be it, we can try another day.
It was definately all in his mind but with the right guidnace and support, he was so much better. We now have fantastic sex and are trying for a baby.
The real test here, the test that a doctor should put him up against, is if he attains erections during sleep, then his problem is psycological in nature. If he does not attain erections during sleep, then his problem is physical in nature. That is the first thing you need to consider.