hey everyone, i'm 19 almost 20. been with my share of girls, but I'm really sick and tired of having to stop in the middle of sex for a few seconds so that I don't orgasm. Usually it happens right when a girl is enjoying it the most, I think because the more I can see she is feelin it, turns me on even more. for example, when she tells me NOT to stop because she is nearing orgasm. makes it so much worse for me. I'm not stupid and i have tried thinking about different things to get my mind off it but I really do enjoy it too much to successfully "trick" myself into forgetting i'm having sex. I have even tried holding it back, but then sometimes it kills it for me, even though nothing comes out. I really haven't had any complaints but I want to do this for me because I KNOW it would be so much better. When I lost my virginity 4 years ago to my ex in the beginning I could last forever, maybe because I wasn't as into it as I get now. but with my new gf (who lost her virginity to me, so its not like she has had lots of experience) it's really hard for me to last long, I manage to last long enough for her usually but its SO hard! you guys have any advice for me???????
Last edited by Mod-S4; 07-10-2005 at 10:39 PM.
Reason: Please use proper terminology.
And the good news is that this kind of practice is a whole lot of fun, isn't it?
You can do it alone, too, when masturbating.
"Edging" is the trendy, new name for getting yourself close to orgasm over and over and managing to hold back. It's a skill -- it will take time and effort. There is no miracle cure that will allow you to do this immediately.
IF you are having sex without a condom -- by all means, use one. The loss of sensitivity will help you last longer (at least it does for SOME guys -- some men have a hair trigger and condoms don't work to delay them). No need to extrapolate on the OTHER good reasons to use a condom here -- that was not your question.
TELL your GF that you want to try some new sexual experimentation. Make it a sort of game, to see how long you can last WITH her help. Get her "permission" to stop when you need to, regardless of how close you think she is. If she is indeed getting close and climaxing regularly, she should have NO problem getting there over and over -- women who are orgasmic, or better yet, capable of multiple orgasms, can get back into the right rhythm without much effort.
It IS perfectly normal to stop during sex. You can stop momentarily or for a while, if you wish. There are NO RULES that say you MUST remain thrusting or keep up a steady pace or ANYTHING AT ALL.
It is wonderful that you enjoy pleasing your girlfriend. Clearly, she is aware of this and appreciates it. You can continue to do that. But sex is about YOUR pleasure, too. YOU should be in control of your penis and the sensations you are having. If she knows you get close and need to slow it down or stop or do whatever you need to know, odds are good that she will be THRILLED to know you are that turned on by her. In other words, when you DO stop, if she's aware that you are doing it so you can keep the pleasure going for longer, she's going to probably LOVE that. I think you are putting too much emphasis on worrying that she's going to be upset that SHE is getting "cut off" when she's close. Now, admittedly, if she is NEVER allowed to climax and/or NO attention is paid to her, with all the focus being on YOU -- she's not going to enjoy that. Just as you would not enjoy it, either.
But that's the point. Sex is about MUTUAL pleasure -- I doubt she is going to be offended or concerned if you just let her know you want to work together WITH her to train yourself to last longer. In fact -- I can't think of too many things that are MORE complimentary to your sexual partner than to tell them you are comfortable enough with them to open up like that and enter into a mutually beneficial, new level of intimacy like this.
You're a young kid -- us older guys have incredible control -- at least those of us who have been working on it for years. When you reach my age you will probably be able to have sex all night long and orgasm at will (more or less). Right now, you are in the growing and learning stage. Give it time -- this is just the start of sexual exploration for you. If you think of it that way, you will LOOK FORWARD to new things instead of FEARING them.
Also -- very important -- NEVER beat yourself up if you DO climax too soon, even when the two of you are working at it together. Let HER know that if there's a "mistake" and you climax before you are ready, you will simply take a rest and go for it again! Alternately, you can promise her that you'll please her in OTHER ways if this happens: orally, etc. But remember: pleasing her is NOT your "punishment" for climax -- it is simply YOU caring for HER and it teaches you BOTH that there is NOTHING selfish about reaching orgasm. It also teaches you both that INTIMACY is NOT just about climax -- it is about the whole process of making love. If you put too much focus on ONE part of sex -- other aspects of sex can suffer, know what I mean?
A gal here recently had a problem wherein I think she was fantasizing that sex should be "perfect," like in the movies. In reality, sex is often clumsy, awkward, silly, smelly, messy, you name it. And it can also have "perfect" moments, too. But the point is not to put EXPECTATIONS of perfection into your head -- sex is what it is. Mistakes happen -- and there are no mistakes, either. Sexuality IS humanity.
The sooner you learn to relax with it, the better you'll get at doing it!
Now, practice at home, alone, by masturbating and NOT allowing yourself to climax right away. Literally SIT ON YOUR HANDS if you need to. Do whatever works for you. You'll learn where the point of no return lies for YOU personally. You'll learn everything you feel just prior to that and you'll learn to recognize it more easily and hold off.
Eventually, you'll be able to simply alter your rhythm or cease movement for literally just ONE OR TWO seconds -- and get back ALL your control. Learn how to tease yourself -- and teach HER how to do that, too.
Look, dude... I can "edge" myself literally HUNDREDS of times during, say... two hours of sexual activity. Anyone can do it -- but it takes WORK and it will take time.
Masterbating earlier in the day is a good way. A condom works well too as already mentioned. One technique I used on my wife of 15 years was [ deleted ] Try changing positions some positions give you more sensation than others. Good luck have fun!
Last edited by Mod-S4; 07-10-2005 at 10:43 PM.
Reason: Please read the Special Rules sticky at the top of any of the 4 Sexual Health boards regarding TMI and how-tos.