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Old 07-25-2005, 02:16 PM   #1
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Masturbation questions

Some of you may not agree with some things I say because of my religious background but don't let that stop you from replying I've been needing ask someone these questions so I'm looking for some respones anyway...

I'm 21 and what guy doesn't masturbate? The problem is because of my beliefs I'm trying not to. I'm know I'm not going to be able totaly stop I would just like the feeling I have some control over myself. It's mainly like when I get up in the morning I've made such a habit that I don't feel completely awake untill I masturbate and again when going to bed I have stayed up tossing and turning and when I finaly give in I'll masturbate and fall fast asleep. My religious beliefs are not masturbating in it self but more I'm thinking about my gf when I do things. We've talked about it she's just glad I think about her instead of someone else. Except for the times I have looked at porn. She is aware of this too and I've told it's not because I don't think shes hot. Cause let me tell ya she is. To be honest I think about us doing those things when I look at porn. which brings me to my next question.

On top of me looking at other girls I find porn harmful to our relationship because we are going to get married and I am afraid I'll ask her to do something that will make her feel uncomfortable. It'll be bad enough with our first time ever being our wedding night and I don't want to run our sex life into the ground before we have one. I just want to stop or have some control over myself because while I'm doing these things it kinda is guilty feeling cause I have a girlfriend I if she askes about it I have to tell her cause I'm not going to lie and also while I do that I some times why can't I stop. I'm seriously horny like all the time. I get excided very very easily.

Also I have found a spot on my body that when I masturbate I can press on and it keeps the semen from coming out so I don't have to clean up a mess. I am woundering and kinda worried if I'm hurtting my self by preventing my sperm from being good so we can have kids later. Cause it seems kinda like that procedure that when guys get fixed they go in and put a clamp on a tube. The clamp can be taken off but the semen is not always good.

 
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Old 07-25-2005, 06:50 PM   #2
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Re: Masturbation questions

So, is the question about what happens if you don't allow the sperm to ejaculate or about the guilt you're experiencing masturbating and watching porn (sometimes)?

Question #1: No, you won't be harming yourself if you don't allow the sperm to ejaculate. Eventually, it will whether in the form of wet dreams or masturbation at some other time.

Question #2: Guilt. Oh, wow! What scholars and theologians and sociologists and psychologists and artists and writers and poets, etc. etc. etc. haven't tried to reason themselves through this. I know that people will tell you that you shouldn't feel guilty because everybody does it. But you have expressed that you have fairly strong religious reasons for the guilt. Understand that guilt is deeply ingrained into your culture and your spiritual upbringing and that sometimes you just can't not feel guilty no matter how hard to try.

Let me tell you, I love pistachios! I can't go the grocery store without buying a couple of pounds. Sometimes, lately, I only stop at the store to buy the nuts. Now, the thing is, I know that as soon as I think about them, I want to stop thinking about them. And the more I want to stop thinking about them, them greater my need to buy them. If I do that with pistachios, imagine what sex will do to you. You can have the best of both worlds, an orgasm and guilt. Two for the price of one.

Now, my take on the porn thing. I think we would all like to be with a porn start but we don't want to marry one. (God, I sound so sexist here!) What I mean is that watching porn can be exciting and daring but, the fact is that when porn stars are having sex, that's what they're doing - having sex -. They don't seem to love each other, there seems to be no tenderness and, certainly, no respect. And, I think what you want is the tenderness and the caring. Also, is seems to be that your "better angels" will win out. I think the person you are will be that person when you are making love, playing with your kids, or mowing the lawn. And, because of the questions you asked, I think you're probably a really good person. chris

 
Old 07-25-2005, 07:26 PM   #3
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Re: Masturbation questions

question#1 I'm glad to hear that!

as for the rest I guess what you're saying is quit being a lazy bum and get a hobby so I don't think about those things?

 
Old 07-25-2005, 07:46 PM   #4
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Re: Masturbation questions

Far be it from me, a female, to pretend to know more about male plumbing, but I have read many many posts here from men who sound very knowledgeable, and the usual response to blocking the semen during ejaculation is that it's not okay. I've read lots of opinions that it can be harmful. Semen is made up of a number of components, from different sources (testicles, glands) and cutting off their normal exit is probably forcing the ejaculate to find another exit. It could be going into your bladder, or elsewhere, but it certainly isn't keeping it where it was made. Sounds to me like a terrible idea just to keep from having to clean up a little mess.
Find out more about what you're doing exactly before you take one guys word for it being okay, okay? It would be terrible to find out years from now that you have messed up your tubing, wouldn't it?

 
Old 07-25-2005, 08:06 PM   #5
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Re: Masturbation questions

qubert - I don't know what your religious beliefs are, nor does it really matter to me... I was raised by a very old-school catholic mom, sent to catholic school & I know the book of guilt by heart.
Guilt isn't something that should be any part of spirituality. We all will make mistakes (and NOT just w/ sexuality - I mean w/ EVERYTHING) & guilt won't stop or prevent anything, it only leads you to dwelling on feelings of insecurity & serves no purpose that I can see other than to push you away from feeling more loved & secure as any spiritual practice should. You may disagree w/ me (& probably will) but I don't find masterbating in & of itself to be necessarily sinful or bad in any way. I think anything to excess is sinful as it becomes too big a part of our lives & may get in the way of our concentration on developing & growing as a human being. This can be excessive shopping, drinking, time on-line, masterbating, etc. I think that the more you "worry" about it, the more your likely to dwell on it. As far as discussing it w/ your gf - I think it's not necessary. If she asks - tell her your not going to ask her all these personal questions as to what she does on her alone time, & you would like to know why she's is so concerned about what you do on your alone time. I find it a little odd that she would ask you about this. I think it may be a normal discussion between a couple that is having sex, but why does she ask?

--- And I agree w/ Thisby about not being sure if it's ok to stop yourself from ejaculating. I am sure it's no big deal occassionally - but if you're making this a regular practice, I think you should get a definate answer on the safety of this by a health care professional. It does not sound like natural thing to me - I ALWAYS say, when it comes to your health it's far better to be safe than sorry!

 
Old 07-25-2005, 09:48 PM   #6
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Re: Masturbation questions

Thibsy - I was doing that out of innocence because when I found out about it it was because I herd it would increase pleasure. It wasn't till I tried it a few times that I realized I wouldn't have to clean up anything. I have never felt pain I don't really know why I started wondering about it but I would like to know more about all that and maybe if there's a way to contact a doctor over the phone or something first. I don't know but I ain't doing that anymore.

beck12 - She didn't ask about it I told her cause with the porn stuff I just couldn't keep it from her cause it wasn't till I started dating her that I realized I couldn't stop cause I didn't want to untill then but anyway I just tell her everything really she does the same just how we do things I guess

Last edited by qubert; 07-25-2005 at 09:50 PM.

 
Old 07-26-2005, 10:06 AM   #7
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Re: Masturbation questions

stopping the flow of semen can lead to retrograde ejaculation, where the semen empties into the bladder. this can inhibit pregnancy.
I would never dream of stopping the semen.

 
Old 07-26-2005, 12:35 PM   #8
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Re: Masturbation questions

So is this something that well correct it's self?

 
Old 07-26-2005, 03:40 PM   #9
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Re: Masturbation questions

Re: Tommy 124. I think you may have just proposed a solution to the age old problem of pregnancy or, at least, the inhibition of pregnancy. The fact is that, the poster asked a question about stopping the flow of semen. My response is accurate, basically it can cause no physical harm because of the way our plumbing works. Also, I added that the probability of backing up the works is limited because, if he reduces the frequency of masturbation, then the probailities of wet dreams increase. The poster doesn't want to clean up the mess because it reminds him of the pleasure and the pleasure makes him feel guilty. Sex, unfortunately, can be messy which is why some people luxuriate in the shower afterwards.

As for guilt and spirituality? I agree guilt and spirituality have no place together. However, religion, on the other hand, has generated a great deal of guilt.

 
Old 07-26-2005, 05:53 PM   #10
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nevets85 HB User
Re: Masturbation questions

Quote:
Originally Posted by qubert
Some of you may not agree with some things I say because of my religious background but don't let that stop you from replying I've been needing ask someone these questions so I'm looking for some respones anyway...

I'm 21 and what guy doesn't masturbate? The problem is because of my beliefs I'm trying not to. I'm know I'm not going to be able totaly stop I would just like the feeling I have some control over myself. It's mainly like when I get up in the morning I've made such a habit that I don't feel completely awake untill I masturbate and again when going to bed I have stayed up tossing and turning and when I finaly give in I'll masturbate and fall fast asleep. My religious beliefs are not masturbating in it self but more I'm thinking about my gf when I do things. We've talked about it she's just glad I think about her instead of someone else. Except for the times I have looked at porn. She is aware of this too and I've told it's not because I don't think shes hot. Cause let me tell ya she is. To be honest I think about us doing those things when I look at porn. which brings me to my next question.

On top of me looking at other girls I find porn harmful to our relationship because we are going to get married and I am afraid I'll ask her to do something that will make her feel uncomfortable. It'll be bad enough with our first time ever being our wedding night and I don't want to run our sex life into the ground before we have one. I just want to stop or have some control over myself because while I'm doing these things it kinda is guilty feeling cause I have a girlfriend I if she askes about it I have to tell her cause I'm not going to lie and also while I do that I some times why can't I stop. I'm seriously horny like all the time. I get excided very very easily.

Also I have found a spot on my body that when I masturbate I can press on and it keeps the semen from coming out so I don't have to clean up a mess. I am woundering and kinda worried if I'm hurtting my self by preventing my sperm from being good so we can have kids later. Cause it seems kinda like that procedure that when guys get fixed they go in and put a clamp on a tube. The clamp can be taken off but the semen is not always good.
Heya mate.


Ejaculation:
There is a lot of debate about whether or not preventing yourself from ejaculating will damage your body. Many doctors disagree on the topic, but it is most natural to allow yourself to ejaculate and natural is good. There is no need to "preserve” your sperm as your body is continuously producing it.


Erotica:
Pornography tends to make the human body cheap, while Erotica tends to show a more respect to the human body. These are great masturbatory aids. Your partner should encourage your self-play as it is just important as partner sex. If the pornography encourages your masturbation then it is doing its job.

If your partner is insecure they may feel that they are unable to provide you with what you can get in your videos or other media; that they can not compete. This can make them feel inadequate.


Fantasy and Honesty:
“I am afraid I'll ask her to do something that will make her feel uncomfortable”

I suspect you have some nice fantasies which you may feel uncomfortable with yourself. If this is true, you need to learn to accept your fantasies. They are probably good fun, talk about them to your partner and encourage her to do the same with you. No doubt she will have some of her own to share.

If you wish to experience one of your fantasies in reality, I would like to offer my own tip: Communication...

Simply say what you like. Do not suggest doing any of your fantasies, just keep discussing them. The more you practice at expressing your deep desires the easier it becomes. By talking about fantasies you have had, and not planning anything in reality your partner will feel more relaxed and is more likely to consider making it a reality. As your partner learns what you enjoy and becomes more comfortable with the ideas the chances are that he/she will try it out. - But saying this, you know your partner and I don't. Do what you feel is best.

Don’t feel guilty for fantasies. It is part of being human and a very good part too. Just remember that they are fantasies, and not every thought that you have will you necessarily want in reality. People fantasise about everything and anything, most people never live their desires and many people do not even talk about them.


Religion:
Masturbation is essential to prepare your body for sex. Masturbating awakens your body to new sensations; it is great for your body and your mind. You are blessed with a high libido. One day this will not be the case and your mind will not think of sex, however right now you are at your peak and your body is begging you for attention.

You don’t have to masturbate, but you have seen that there are great side effects. Masturbating helps you bridge the gap between waking and sleeping and visa versa. You could have a cold shower in the morning to wake you up but you choose to masturbate first thing because it feels good.

“when I finally give in I'll masturbate”. You have found an excellent way to relax your body before sleep. You do not need to masturbate, but depriving yourself of this great act will mean you will need to find other ways of relaxing yourself.


Positive Masturbation:
Masturbation is essential; it is not a selfish act. The person who deprives their partner of personal self exploration is unlikely to understand masturbation. Both partners should masturbate separately, but masturbating together is also a positive way of breaking down those walls and to help you feel more comfortable with touching yourself.

Do you like the idea of mutual masturbation? This may help you feel better about masturbating. My partner enjoys the sight of me masturbating and I her.

It is good that you are openly communicating with your partner. Keep up the good work.

Last edited by nevets85; 07-26-2005 at 07:28 PM.

 
Old 07-26-2005, 06:09 PM   #11
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nevets85 HB User
Re: Masturbation questions

Quote:
Originally Posted by beck12
qubert - I don't know what your religious beliefs are, nor does it really matter to me... I was raised by a very old-school catholic mom, sent to catholic school & I know the book of guilt by heart.
Guilt isn't something that should be any part of spirituality. We all will make mistakes (and NOT just w/ sexuality - I mean w/ EVERYTHING) & guilt won't stop or prevent anything, it only leads you to dwelling on feelings of insecurity & serves no purpose that I can see other than to push you away from feeling more loved & secure as any spiritual practice should. You may disagree w/ me (& probably will) but I don't find masterbating in & of itself to be necessarily sinful or bad in any way. I think anything to excess is sinful as it becomes too big a part of our lives & may get in the way of our concentration on developing & growing as a human being. This can be excessive shopping, drinking, time on-line, masterbating, etc. I think that the more you "worry" about it, the more your likely to dwell on it. As far as discussing it w/ your gf - I think it's not necessary. If she asks - tell her your not going to ask her all these personal questions as to what she does on her alone time, & you would like to know why she's is so concerned about what you do on your alone time. I find it a little odd that she would ask you about this. I think it may be a normal discussion between a couple that is having sex, but why does she ask?

--- And I agree w/ Thisby about not being sure if it's ok to stop yourself from ejaculating. I am sure it's no big deal occassionally - but if you're making this a regular practice, I think you should get a definate answer on the safety of this by a health care professional. It does not sound like natural thing to me - I ALWAYS say, when it comes to your health it's far better to be safe than sorry!
It may not be nessessary to inform your partner about your time alone, but if you wish to keep a healthy relationsip you should also keep that communication going.

 
Old 07-26-2005, 06:27 PM   #12
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Re: Masturbation questions

Quote:
Originally Posted by cflas
Re: Tommy 124. I think you may have just proposed a solution to the age old problem of pregnancy or, at least, the inhibition of pregnancy. The fact is that, the poster asked a question about stopping the flow of semen. My response is accurate, basically it can cause no physical harm because of the way our plumbing works. Also, I added that the probability of backing up the works is limited because, if he reduces the frequency of masturbation, then the probailities of wet dreams increase. The poster doesn't want to clean up the mess because it reminds him of the pleasure and the pleasure makes him feel guilty. Sex, unfortunately, can be messy which is why some people luxuriate in the shower afterwards.

As for guilt and spirituality? I agree guilt and spirituality have no place together. However, religion, on the other hand, has generated a great deal of guilt.
Religion can be what you want it to be. It can mean anything and everything. Take a look at the difference between the secular and orthodox.

Guilt does has a part in life. If nobody felt guilt or regret there would be people everywhere doing terrible things.

Guilt has no part in masturbation. Masturbation is natural and a part of any species which engages in sexual reproduction.



Cflas:
There are many doctors which agree with your stance on ejaculation; however there are also many who disagree. The truth is there are many contradictory studies and nobody really knows the truth. Do what you feel comfortable with but know that there are risks.

Some doctors say that the semen is absorbed into the body; some say it will be released in wet dreams while other doctors have said to have found a link to some penile cancers. You have read some other opinions in this thread which highlight other possible negatives. Nobody really knows the absolute truth and that may be because there is no truth. How you react could, perhaps, simply differ from person to person.

I do not know what to believe, but preventing the flow of your semen is definitely not natural.

Last edited by nevets85; 07-26-2005 at 06:46 PM.

 
Old 07-26-2005, 09:00 PM   #13
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Re: Masturbation questions

I thank you all for your help but just let me clear a few things up about a couple things so maybe you all might understand a couple things not saying you'll agree but more understand I guess.

If you read the book I study(this subject doesn't matter what religion you're from)it says nothing about masturbation. neither right or wrong what it does say is where your mind is at(this means even when not masturbating)If I could find some way to focus on the feeling and nothing else and ejactulate I would feel 0% guilt. I will admit some guilt is because I haven't married my girlfriend yet and she's supossed to make me feel that way. But we have talked about sex She'll be my first and last and I'll be her first and last and we are excited!!! another I belive we don't need to see eachother naked untill we're married she feels the same that's just us but anyway masturbating together has crossed my mind but when we're married we can do what ever the crap we want so why mess around with that?

I don't feel I need to persurve it because I know I make more everynight or whenever though I have thought before wow I wonder what those kids would have looked like(thought some of you might find that funny) really it has just become a habit I don't know why

I really would love to be able to completely stop but I know when school starts back up again and my girlfriend is back in town I will be hurtin so I know I won't be able to do that but more just not feel like I'm a slave to porn. The one post has really helped I haven't looked at porn for like 3 days now cause I've been doing other thigns not thinking about it but anyway I'd really like to thank you guys for responding and all I've been wanting to talk with people about this not just to talk but to get awnsers if you all have anymore help I'd be gald to hear it

 
Old 07-26-2005, 10:23 PM   #14
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Re: Masturbation questions

I might add that if someone where to try and preserve it it doesn't work. If you don't masturbate for a week you'll have alot built up. So the first time theres alot and the next not so much because you haven't as much back up. Wait a week and the first time don't let it out and the second there won't be as much it'll be about like the second time on the first week. So something happens it goes somewhere or something. That's what got me thinking if it was bad because the only reason I did that is cause it was suposed to feel better but so everyone knows not a big difference and for sure not a big enough difference to risk kids later on in life.

 
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