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Old 08-16-2005, 03:07 AM   #1
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mitley HB User
Question Body Image

Hi,

I'm new to posting although I've looked at this board for over a year and I just now have gotten the guts to post this. When I was born I was born with an esophageal fistual which they had to repair. However, it left me with some nasty scars on my chest and back. I am about 75 pounds overweight and the one scar virtually looks like an indented X. My problem is getting intimate with someone because I don't want it to be a turn off but I'm guessing it is. I really don't know what to think because my thinking isn't always rational. Does anyone else have this problem or do you know of someone with scars? How would you handle that and also being overweight?

Anyone have any thoughts on this?????

Last edited by mitley; 08-16-2005 at 07:44 AM.

 
Old 08-16-2005, 10:57 PM   #2
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Re: Body Image

Anyone?????

 
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Old 08-17-2005, 12:18 AM   #3
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Cinemagic HB User
Re: Body Image

Have you seen a plastic surgeon?

 
Old 08-17-2005, 12:21 AM   #4
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mitley HB User
Re: Body Image

Yes I have but the problem with that is they want almost 20,000 to try and correct it. Right now I don't have insurance (Insurance wouldn't cover that anyway - even though I feel its medically necessary) I fought a long time on that and I lost. Really I hate myself and I blame my dead parents for smoking and drinking before I was born but that is another topic.

 
Old 08-17-2005, 12:31 AM   #5
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Cinemagic HB User
Re: Body Image

My g/f's daughter has an apendectomy that got infected and scarred pretty bad. It is a deep divit. She's 14. She used to be self conscious but has quickly gotten over it. It will be repaired when she gets older. Some things you have no control over. Scars are one of them. Scars can be pretty unique. Your indented 'X' sounds pretty unique. Uniqueness can be a turn on and something to like, rather than shun. If you can be proud of it, the self confidence will be a positive and help you. You could even make up some story line like you are one of the original "X-Men" and see if she's like to see what mutant powers you have. Corney? Sure, but make it into something positive, not negative.

 
Old 08-17-2005, 12:35 AM   #6
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mitley HB User
Re: Body Image

I have tried to be more confident about it but I just can't. It would be different if it was just one scar but there is one down the middle (that one I can handle), then the X and then another one from the chest going around to the back. I just can't handle those two. I guess I would need intensive therapy or maybe I will never feel comfortable taking off my shirt for fear of rejection. Thanks for your reply though! I appreciate it.

 
Old 08-22-2005, 07:03 PM   #7
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Thumbs up Re: Body Image

I totally feel your pain buddy! I am in my mid 30's and have ALWAYS had body image issues. I was overweight all my life, and although I have lost over 150 pounds over the past few years, I am still dealing with those issues, except that it has changed from the man boobs and spare tire, to all the extra skin & stretch marks that cover my body. It's difficult for me to undress & shower at the gym, but I do it. My advice to you is to look around at other people... we are all different. Some guys are heavier, thinner, taller, shorter, have huge members, or smaller ones. It's easier for me to tell you to accept yourself for how you are, but I keep telling myself the same thing every day. And every day it gets a little bit easier for me to accept myself. Perhaps it's the older I get, the less I care what others think?

 
Old 08-22-2005, 10:50 PM   #8
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Re: Body Image

Hi Nathan,

Thanks for the reply!! I go back and forth telling myself I am good looking and when I have my clothes on it seems that way. It's just that when the clothes come off the fat is there plus the scars. It really makes me angry to see "Normal" people and their reaction. I hate being fat and I hate my scars. To tell you the truth, I wish I would have died instead of going through all of this. My mom before she died, had a previous baby with the exact problems that I have but fortunately that baby died. But - I'm getting on a totally different subject. I just wanted to hear from a male point of view what it would be like seeing someone with the scars and such.

 
Old 08-23-2005, 06:58 AM   #9
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chromer roller HB User
Re: Body Image

Dog,
Buck up. I was given one of the worst cases of cyctic acne ever as a teen. My face and back look like I was shot repeatedly with a shot gun. What isn't a crater is scar tissue. I can't tell you the lack of self asteem I had in school. My favorite thing to do was explain why the back of my shirt was "spotting". Did I find someone that accepts me for who I am? You bet, because a person is defined by the inside. If that were'nt true, only the hollywood guys would get the chicks.

So you've got an "X" that marks the spot? Why haven't you started referring to yourself as X-man? You're not alone. There are plenty of us mutants around that are deeply compassionate feeling individuals that someone would be more than happy to undress with. It's perfectly ok to be who you are.

 
Old 08-23-2005, 07:01 AM   #10
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Re: Body Image

Thanks - I know you're absolutely right. I know it shouldn't matter what I look like and it probably isn't that bad but I just see it as horrible and can't get the thought of a good looking guy out of my head and what they would say if they saw me. Pretty screwed up I know - I guess I need years of therapy to get over this but in the meantime it's ruining my sex life.

 
Old 08-23-2005, 07:15 AM   #11
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Re: Body Image

I fully understand and can sympathise with you mate. I'm overweight and have the same sort of self-image issues you have. Yes, your's also include the scar worries but please take heart - not everyone out there goes for people because of their looks. I know many couples where one of the partners is, how shall I put it, not one of god's greatest creations!, but they are very happy with each other and are not ridiculed or picked out for abuse or anything else of that nature. I have had relationships that I never thought I would have - purely down to my character and personality. I don't think I would want to be with someone who liked me only for my looks. I like to think that what defines me is how I treat other people. If I can look back and say I was always kind, respectful and caring to others - and others were the same to me, then things must be going right! So, please don't dispair. You may come across people who will be unkind and nasty due to your physical image, but they are really showing themselves to be the ugly person - not you. What you have to overcome is the mindset you are currently in - start to think to yourself "people would be lucky to be with me because....." and then think of all your good attributes. This will help to reinforce your self-belief and overcome your fears. Just remember, there are far more kind and friendly people out there than there are the nasty and intolerant.

Hope this has helped you a little. Keep the faith - it'll pay off in the end.

 
Old 08-23-2005, 07:19 AM   #12
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chromer roller HB User
Re: Body Image

Dog,

I don't think you need any therapy. Years of therapy is good money that you could be spending in the gym cutting off a few pounds. The added weight you're carrying is making the scar appear worse, like all extra weight does. "IT" isn't ruining your sex life, "YOU" are. Stop thinking that way about yourself. Spend some time learning about the other person and let them learn about you. Someone that is only interested in physical looks is shallow and a waste of time developing a relationship with.

 
Old 08-23-2005, 07:20 AM   #13
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mitley HB User
Re: Body Image

Thanks for the reply!! I will "Try" and think of reasons why people should be with me but 24 years of thinking I am a beast isn't going to go away overnight. (I am 34) I used to drink alcohol and have sex and no-one ever said anything. I'd say within the past 2 years its has gotten worse. I don't know what my problem is - I'm losing weight, trying to stop biting my nails, etc.... Maybe I just need to be insitutionalized (lol). Even now-I can think of good reasons why people would want to sleep with me but then BANG - the thought of my body disgusts me. Oh well - what's a person to do.

 
Old 08-23-2005, 07:27 AM   #14
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mitley HB User
Re: Body Image

Good point - I guess they are shallow if they think like that. But am I just putting a candy coating on the issue trying to make myself feel better and not dealing with reality. If that makes sense.......

 
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