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Old 08-21-2005, 05:29 AM   #1
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Unhappy Why... No Nookie For Me??

Please help me understand this.. My soon to be husband tells me that he's too tired for sex, Now, to his defense he does work 9am -12am or 1am
5-6 days week. but he has gone a whole 9 months without mentioning sex(I was pregnant at the time..you wouldn't believe how long that took to happen) so I said OK maybe he's one of those men not comfortable with having sex with a pregnant woman so I pleased myself during that 9 months. Now our daughter is 6 months old and we have only had sex TWICE and I had to beg and beg for that. Is this normal? We are a young couple 26 and 29. and let me add that he thinks oral it disgusting and refuses to do it and will not see a doctor to see if anything is wrong. I know he's not cheating but is it possible that a man just doesn't get horney? Can a long work schedule do this.

Last edited by eliza25; 08-21-2005 at 06:09 AM.

 
Old 08-21-2005, 09:09 AM   #2
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Re: Why...no Nookie For Me

Being a "guy" I would have to say the long work schedule most d*****ently adds to the problem, is he under any pressures either from the job or family conflict? at that age he should be more than willing to have sex, is he satisifying himself? if he does not like oral then gay relationshios are out! I gather you have sat down and talked about this problem together in a calm manner.
Maybe someone else can give more insite to your problem, after all a healthy sex life is part of any healthy relationship.
Good luck and keep us up dated,
Keil

 
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Old 08-21-2005, 11:49 AM   #3
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Re: Why...no Nookie For Me

I think she meant that he refused to do oral on her, not that he refused to have it done. If anything, that would indicate the opposite of what you said...

Not that I'm suggesting that makes him gay.

Is he on any medication? Stress and fatigue can certainly have an effect on it, but I'm guessing there's more to it than that. It is not normal for a man in a relationship to not want sex ever, unless something is up or something is wrong.

 
Old 08-21-2005, 01:20 PM   #4
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Re: Why...no Nookie For Me

I re-read the original post and your right he will not "do" oral... as for the med's thats a good idea, but I agree there may be an underleing reason he is not saying, or is imbarassed about. I he truly loves and respects his wife he will tell her any and all problems and/or "hang-ups"....

We will celerbrate our 32 wedding anniversery soon and I know how inportant communication is!
I wish you both luck
Keil

 
Old 08-21-2005, 09:47 PM   #5
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Re: Why...no Nookie For Me

i am a 32 yr old male and im horny all the time and i work alot. I feel your husband should get checked out because he should perform oral on his wife that is part of your love that should be him saying i want to pleasure you.

 
Old 08-22-2005, 12:07 AM   #6
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Re: Why... No Nookie For Me??

He is working 15-16 hour days, and you have a new baby! That does sound exhausting and stressful. That might be all there is to it.

He might also be uncomfortable having sex with you since you had the baby. He may be uncomfortable with the changes in your body. And a lot of men have trouble getting over the idea that a "mother" isn't someone you have sex with.

Did you have trouble conceiving (you mention it took a long time)? The grind of basically forced sex during fertility treatments might have taken some of the fun and spontaneity out of it for him.

In any case, the two you you need to have a long, honest talk. Good luck.

 
Old 08-22-2005, 04:53 AM   #7
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Re: Why...no Nookie For Me

Hey Guys , Thanks for all your relpys ..

To answer some of your questions, I tried to mention that he should see a doctor but he refuses. Now we have triied samples of viagra and cialsis and with his weight the viagra didn't work and the we only triied cialsis once. Now to his defense I know that he's not gay.. and that in the past 3yrs he has gained over 100 pounds, so "PARTS " that may have seemed big and worked well aren't so big with 100 extra pounds ( if you get my drift) but WHO DOSEN'T WANT SEX EVER? I'm at my wit end and wonder if I should get it some where else.. I don't know I neeed help.

 
Old 08-22-2005, 03:58 PM   #8
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Re: Why...no Nookie For Me

thats tough u know. you r married but he should be giving it to you like seriously that can destroy a relationship. I am a 32 yr old male single and when i am dating someone i want it all the time but i am also willing to give oral and do anything to make her feel good. He needs to care about you because he doesnt sounnd like he cares about your needs even if hes gained weight thats no excuse either is a new baby, just my opinion.

 
Old 08-22-2005, 08:35 PM   #9
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Re: Why...no Nookie For Me

"I'm at my wit end and wonder if I should get it some where else.. I don't know I neeed help."


Bad idea to cheat on him, thats immoral and may kill the marriage. I guess the best thing to do is have a serious talk with him. Ask what reasons he has for abstaining. Not every guy gets horny(even less women do) I am a 23 year old guy and I never get horny

 
Old 08-23-2005, 07:05 AM   #10
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Re: Why...no Nookie For Me

DO NOT GIVE UP ON THE MARRAGE!
First try talking one-on-one, even if it means paying someone to take care of your baby, no distractions, if talking doesn't help, then look in to therpy, even if it means going alone. I'm sure you are not the onlt person with the same problem
Good luck and please keep up up dated
Keil

 
Old 09-03-2005, 08:51 PM   #11
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Re: Why...no Nookie For Me

I TOTALLY can relate to you. My hubby too has NO interest in sex. He too, is overweight, depressed and on some meds for a skin disorder that aren't helping the situation. He absolutely refuses to do anything to help resolve the problem. It is so hard to constantly initiate and be rejected all the time. He is happy to have sex once every few months, we actually went 8 months once before I gave in. I have talked till im blue in the face, we've gone to counselling but nothing helps long term. It's very frustrating as my sex drive is very high, although i would be happly with every couple of weeks at this point. What I miss most of all is the emotional intimacy that goes a long with the physical intimacy. My advice is if its like this now, it will only get worse.

 
Old 09-18-2005, 06:48 PM   #12
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Lightbulb Re: Why...no Nookie For Me

Try spicing things up in the bedroom,share fantacies,make positive comments about how sexy another women looks,try a different fragrance (not to harsh)have your hair a different way,buy some new lingerie (not too expensive,hes only going to rip it off).Maybe hes feeling a wee bit anxious about the Wedding day(or not,may have already been a problem way before the announcement)If all else fails be upfront with him and talk about the situation honestly.The male readers should be able to give some really positive advice,c'mon GUYS help a lady out!!!

peace

Last edited by sukkybaba; 09-18-2005 at 06:51 PM.

 
Old 09-18-2005, 09:10 PM   #13
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Re: Why...no Nookie For Me

Welllll.....when a couple grows old together, their intimacy and loving can take different forms, depending on health, medications, etc. If the earlier stage of their relationship has a good fulfilling sex life, then that can see the couple through the later time in their life when perhaps the sexual activity has to decrease due to reasons beyond their control (health problems usually)...it sounds to me like your fiance is a workaholic who is putting all his energy (including his sexual) into his work...and there is little left for you. .but in fairness to you, I think, like everyone else seems to think, that you need to talk...I'm guessing the high cost of living plus the presence and responsibility of a little one has your fiance running scared... Is he working trying to carve out a future for his new family? His motives might be all well and good, and he may not realize the quandary he has placed you in...or the temptation he is opening up for you. If the problem is deeper, such as his envisioning you as a "Momma" rather than as a seductress, (and to be truthful, this is what i fear may be the problem) then you're in for a long hard road of counselling (and counsellor bills!) The weight gain is a clue that should be followed up on--I have taken care of many morbidly obese male patients and their wives end up as caregivers or second Moms...a sad situation, with the woman waiting on the man hand and foot because he ends up being unable to do for himself....if he continues to gain weight, you'll know within a couple of years what you're in for. I would insist he get a complete physical exam before you marry him, and if he won't do that much for you, then walk away. If upon exam he is found to have a tumor, then there is help available and he needs all the love you can give him...but I sure would be investigating before tying the knot for sure...sex ain't everything, but lack of it can sure be bothersome....

Last edited by Cannalee; 09-19-2005 at 05:41 AM.

 
Old 09-19-2005, 06:39 PM   #14
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crushme HB User
Re: Why...no Nookie For Me

my bf is that way...it comes and goes in waves...I just need to learn not to get worked up about it!

 
Old 09-20-2005, 11:21 AM   #15
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Re: Why...no Nookie For Me

How does one keep from getting worked up over needing to be layed? Seriously, don't you ever feel like you're coming out of your skin?

Last edited by Cannalee; 09-20-2005 at 11:27 AM.

 
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