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Old 08-25-2005, 11:24 AM   #1
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acman HB User
Depression and crossdressing

I am wondering if I am the only person that has ever had to deal with this issue? I am a heterosexual male that enjoys nothing better than wearing lingerie in private. My wife thinks I'm nuts and that only deepens the desire to do it. Seems the more depressed I get, the better I feel when I do get a chance to slip into something "forbidden". I asked her the other day what it would be like if she had to only wear dresses.....and not those comfortable pants....and shorts. She blew my question off as stupid. It is so wrong for a female to be accepted wearing anything from a flower covered dress to a 3 piece suit. If a guy tired that, he'd get laughed out of the country. What's going on? I'd sure like to read some discussion on this subject from anyone that would like to comment. If you like to say hateful stuff....go elsewhere, I've already got enough hateful people in my life. I feel totally alone and the depression is about to take over. Thanks for taking the time to read.

 
Old 08-25-2005, 03:59 PM   #2
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netle HB User
Re: Depression and crossdressing

Sexually, I would find it difficult to be with a man who was wearing women's underwear. (Unless it was johnny depp in which case I would make an exception.)

I am a bisexual woman, but the qualities I find attractive in men are masculine while the qualities I find attractive in women are feminine. I wouldn't be attracted to a man who was in women's clothing because it simply doesn't turn me on. I wouldn't be attracted to a woman who was butch simply because that doesn't turn me on.

As far as society's attitude towards crossdressers and transgendered people, I wouldn't know where to start. Personally, I don't care if someone wants to crossdress. In fact, it's kind of interesting.

Femininity has always been a negative character trait for men. If your are a man and you have feminine qualities it is interpreted as weakness.

Aside from displaying weakness, it also makes people uncomfortable about their own sexuality and identity. People don't want to be confronted with that, so they lash out.

Okay... So maybe that was a lot of confusing babble without any real payoff. Sorry.

Last edited by Geek_Kittie; 08-26-2005 at 11:44 AM.

 
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Old 08-26-2005, 11:21 AM   #3
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Re: Depression and crossdressing

Thanks for the reply but I'd sure like to hear from others that may or may not be experiencing the same kind of feelings that I am. Thanks again for the reply.

Last edited by acman; 08-29-2005 at 05:44 AM. Reason: would like to get more imput from others

 
Old 10-07-2005, 02:02 PM   #4
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Re: Depression and crossdressing

I also share your desire to wear my wifes lingerie, and she has embraced it in the past but now finds it disgusting for the most part. I enjoy adding wearing her underwear during our sex sessions and find it very stimulating. I also venture to say that any man that has ever tried on womens underwear likes the way they feel and would do it more if given the opportunity.
Since my wife won't allow me to wear panties on a regular basis, I do purchase my own and have my own hidden stash that I wear as much as the opportunity presents itself. (i am wearing them now).
I wish women would be more understanding of this fetish and desire.

 
Old 10-07-2005, 02:46 PM   #5
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Re: Depression and crossdressing

Cross dressing in our modern day has not been accepted as a "normal" part of behavior whether or not the person is single or married. Hence, it is not surprising that you wife does not respond with the acceptance you apparently would like from her.

You mentioned that you get excited the more she expresses her beliefs of this sort of thing being contrary to her belief system. Maybe that is the greater pay off for you and what you are seeking the most in the situation. A sense of controlled ridicule/shame that becomes a sexual turn on? If so there is nothing wrong with this per se, so long as it does not become disruptive or harmful to you, your wife and / or your marriage.

I realize that there are all sorts of people in our world with a variety of things that turn them on or that they simply like to do that society considers to be abnormal.

Ultimately I suppose it boils down to what is comfortable for each person and each marriage or partnership providing that it is not illegal or hurts anyone in any way.

 
Old 10-08-2005, 05:06 AM   #6
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Re: Depression and crossdressing

There is a double standard for men & women.

Women can wear male clothes at any event & it is acceptable. Men can not wear any female clothing that will be acceptable.

Women can hold hand, hug, dance together, caress each others skin, have small to flat breasts or DD, & be acceptable.

Men can not hold hands, hug, dance together, caress each others skin, have breasts of any size, & be acceptable.

Thats life

 
Old 10-08-2005, 09:55 AM   #7
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Re: Depression and crossdressing

Quote:
Originally Posted by JinL
There is a double standard for men & women.

Women can wear male clothes at any event & it is acceptable. Men can not wear any female clothing that will be acceptable.

Women can hold hand, hug, dance together, caress each others skin, have small to flat breasts or DD, & be acceptable.

Men can not hold hands, hug, dance together, caress each others skin, have breasts of any size, & be acceptable.

Thats life
While I agree that we have a double standard I do not agree that "that's life" as though this is the [only] way that life can be lived.

I think it does an injustice to all classes of people who strive everyday to show love for others and whether or not they live or act according to our own definitions of what is and is not suppose to happen. Does not mean that our beliefs are the only ones that define what life is suppose to be about.

This is why we have double standards.

 
Old 10-08-2005, 04:56 PM   #8
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eklektika HB User
Re: Depression and crossdressing

And as far as men dressing in womens clothing goes there are more and more meterosexuals out there and men just care about who they look a lot more....i think it will slowly become more exceptable.....we as a culture are becoming more open about certain lifestyle....and no it won't happen over night and in the mean time you will just have to find people who will accept you for you!

 
Old 10-08-2005, 05:54 PM   #9
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nezkeys79 HB User
Re: Depression and crossdressing

by the way what do you class as feminine clothes? if i guy wers silk boxer shorts or silk shirt is that feminine? are you saying that a man cannot wear lace or silk, basically only cotton?

plus if a male crossdresser wears only female underwear and another goes the whole nine yards with wig, make - up, and outer clothes, would you bracket these 2 examples together?

Anyway at present I think being gay is more accepted than cross dressing. In fact I would go as far to say that being gay, or lesbian for that matter, probably isnt even a taboo anymore.

I think more men enjoy wearing female underwear than you know about but are too embarassed to admit it because it isnt ready to be accepted yet.

Also the majority of people uneducated in these matters in society automatically assume that you are gay which isnt the case. Apparently in a magazine and on here someone said thatnearly all crossdresser are straight.

When i asked a gay friend about this he said that men who dress as women do so because they are attracted to men and feel that dressing as a woman will make them more desirable.

 
Old 10-08-2005, 08:13 PM   #10
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Chriznat25 HB User
Re: Depression and crossdressing

Im gay. Ive never crossdressed and it does nothing for me, but I understand it.

People, especially in the good ol' USA can be so close-minded. At least you are doing something safe thats not hazardous to yourself or others!!! Its not like you are having promiscious sex with 100 people. You are doing something that satisfies you in the privacy of your own home. Thats all that matters

 
Old 10-08-2005, 08:19 PM   #11
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Re: Depression and crossdressing

Well those that have followed my posts know I've got my fair share of issues... and well this is one for me also.

I've been into cross dressing since around the age of five and yes it's caused me depression from time to time.

I'm already not the most successful person when it comes to girls and I very much fear finally finding someone to share my life with... her finding out about it and ending things. A situation where it's either stop the dressing, or lose the girl would be VERY tough for me.

After all it could only remain hidden for so long and I've tried to surpress it and throw away anything 'girly' numerous times.. I do so and end up starting my collection again in a few months.


I never asked for this to be a part of my life and to be honest, things would be much easier if it wasn't. That being said....It's a part of me for better or worse. I don't really have any advice for you, but wanted to let ya know you're not alone.

Last edited by SomeRandomDude; 10-08-2005 at 08:25 PM.

 
Old 10-08-2005, 08:30 PM   #12
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Re: Depression and crossdressing

Quote:
Originally Posted by nezkeys79
When i asked a gay friend about this he said that men who dress as women do so because they are attracted to men and feel that dressing as a woman will make them more desirable.
People crossdress for all different reasons.

Some for the reason you describe... for others it's simply something that makes them feel comfortable and they can't really explain it (I fall into this category) Still others get some sort of sexual thrill from it (I fall into this category to a lesser extent)

It is indeed true that the vast majority of cross dressers are straight.

There are various studies that prove this out there, but since we aren't supposed to post links, I don't want to rock the boat and post one.

Don't want to single out your friend.. but if he's gay like you say, he very well might know of some people who dress for the reason he mentioned.

I would wager that the percentage of those who do it for that reason is rather low though, in comparison to people who do it for a thrill or something along those lines.

That being said keep in mind most cross dressers, myself included tend to only dress in the privacy of their own homes and not in public. There are of course exceptions, but they are fairly rare.

I've rocked the boat a couple times and wore plaid skirts and the like to high school a couple times (this would've been a good eight years ago) but mainly did it just to cause a scene and rock the boat a little. I was into shocking people at the time and it got the job done, This is the exception to the rule though and had no bearing on my sexuality one way or the other.

I can sum everything up quite simply:

This is a VERY misunderstood fetish and it's a shame that people are automatically assumed to be gay because of it. (not that I have any problem with anyone's sexuality... I think it's that person's business.) If people would be more willing to understand and learn about the subject.. then perhaps less people would feel ashamed because of it.... and for the record, I'm in no way shape or form pointing you out here... just people in general learning more about the subject.

Last edited by SomeRandomDude; 10-08-2005 at 08:51 PM.

 
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