ChristopherStjo

In your original post you brought to light a problem your b/f is having in that he wants to stop masturbating and is having problems doing this ~ subsequently you mentioned that it is for personal and religious reasons that he wants to refrain from this act.

I mean absolutely no offense in what I will say and I hope you do not take any.

The simple and short answer is this..masturbating is a behavior that manifests from mental - emotional - physical - chemical reasons. Masturbating in and of itself is a behavior and like the vast majority of behaviors it can be changed or stopped - the success or failure however, is dependent upon the root cause of the behavior occurring. In other words, getting over the hormonal effect is far easier than dealing with the mental and / or emotional reasons attached to the reason men often times masturbate, as masturbating is not merely about "getting off" but rather about exploring the psychological, physical and emtional gratificiations associated.

Some men become addicted to masturbating. This can sometimes be done as an avoidance tactic or a psychological, chemical and / or physical reason. By chemical I am referring to the body chemistry and not drugs or alcohol.

It is important for your b/f to give himself permission to psychologically and emotionally relax over this and not stress ~ the more he worries or stresses the more he will develop uncessary feelings of self doubt, perceived inadequencies, guilt or shame that in turn will manifest in other problems rising that only increase in strength as time goes by.

Therefore, he should first allow himself to discover the reason he wants to masturbate ~ is it for self sexual or psychological gratification, avoidance, etc. Discovering this however is not something that he should try to force himself or be forced to discover - it will come in its' own time and natural way. It may be something that he needs to discover on his own, without the help of anyone. Remember, this is a sensitive subject that goes to the core of perceived male purpose, monchoism and so on and can be very embarrassing to think about let alone discuss with others and yes that also sometimes means a wife or partner.

Once he is able to discover this he should understand that as a behavior it can be changed but to do this - this behavior has to be replaced with another equally gratifying behavior. Sounds simple enough but behavior modification is a complex subject that is not easily achieved in all circumstances.

As his g/f it is important that you understand that sometimes men masturbate in order to explore the sexual fantasies that they do not feel comfortable or cannot explore while having sex with their partner. If this is the case I can tell you that as a guy, sharing ones fantacies is not something that men necessarily want to speak about with their g/f or wives..some do but most do not especially in lieu of the many problems that can and often do rise as a result in the relationship.

If such is the case with your b/f it is important not to ridicule him or worry that he is not interested in you or in being with you and more importantly a fantasy is just that and should not be taken as a personal attack or threat or that he is displeased with you.

When you are dealing with the subjects of sexuality/sexual pleasure issues (and I am using the term sexuality in the broad scope not whether he is gay, bi or str8) and religion this brings to bear a whole set of other complicated psychological issues. Thus, if he is not careful to travel slowly in this process he could end up causing himself a great deal of unnecessary guilt.

I am not familiar with any biblical scriptures that condem this behavior in and of itself, though I suppose some could say that the scriptures dealing with adultry would apply because of the mental fantacies going on for sexual gratification. My personal opinions however are that religion and religious beliefs are sometimes used to seemingly justify doing or refraining from an act that may just be a natural part of life. Keeping in mind that there are some sexual acts such as masturbating that serve a valued purpose in a person's life and can greatly help avoid other problems. But when you add the element of religion or religious beliefs in the scope of wanting to stop an act because of these things. It becomes all that more difficult because inherently religion and sex subjects frequently bring to bear conflicts and opens a can of worms that may be far better to keep closed.

When it comes to the act in and of itself - your b/f should realize that it is a normal aspect of male development and gratification and maybe he might just want to tone it down rather than completely stop. Keeping in mind that exploring ones own body is both normal and healty; moreover it can enhance sexual gratification with the partner.

Men are often raised to believe that this is a "dirty" thing to do or that only gay or bisexual guys do this and thus it must mean that the guy is gay or bi - this of course is hogwash and I sincerely hope that whatever personal reasons he may be relying upon are not that masturbating is a dirty act or makes him less of a man, wierd or negative things of the like.

Now - if your b/f is masturbating in order to have "shock value" fantacies then I would suggest that he speak with a counselor who is exprienced in sexual subject matters. As "shock value" fanticies might be an indicator of deeper psychological issues going on that need to be explored, understood and dealt with under the care of a trained professional. Likewise, if he is masturbating because there are issues with his feeling afraid or incapable of being pyschologically, emotonally or physically intamate he should also seek the advice of a professional.

I hope this helps and I hope you are not offended in what I have said - but when asking for help/advice regarding this subject it is important to understand that exploring the potential or actual underlining issues is a fundamental and important element in anyone trying to deal with the matter.