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Old 10-28-2005, 08:20 PM   #1
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Thumbs up My boyfriend, anal sex and other men

My boyfriend likes anal sex performed on him either with a finger or those anal probes you get at the porn stores. This doesn't worry me, but it brought us to something else; we got round to talking about our fantasies and for some reason, I sensed he had a fantasy of a guy having sex with him (I don't sense he'd like to reciprocate, but I could just sense he would like to have a guy take him from behind). So, I asked him this, since he wasn't very forthcoming, and it was like a dam just burst. It was obvious he'd thought of it before. He wants me to see what I can find online - couples, etc & though one of my fantasies is to be with another woman or a couple, I have to admit I'd never even like to act on it. But he seems pretty willing to act on his. This may not be a problem right now, but I can see it developing as time and years go by. I'm afraid he might become one of those men who maintain a home life with a wife and children and has a secret life as a man having sex with other men (doesn't mean he's gay, does it?). My problem is not the gayness, it's the inevitable overriding curiousity and desire that I sense could develop in him however willing he is to stay with me and not cheat on me. Sexual desires are very strong & I'm afraid they might get too strong for him as time goes by and we get more used to each other. Do I have anything to worry about? How should I handle this situation? I see the options as this: (i) Allow this fantasy to happen & see if he likes it so much he actually switches sides, or (ii) allow it to happen and let him realize he doesn't like it at all, or (iii) not allow the fantasy to become reality and allow his desires to overwhelm him and he's living a sexually unfulfilled life, or he'll secretly act on them to fulfil this and eventually destroy us, or (iv-and the ideal) not allow this fantasy to happen and he learns to live with it like most people which is what I would like to happen - but what are the chances of # (iv) happening though? Should I be worried? Is this normal for a guy to really want to have another man have sex with him? From my description, does it sound like he could be gay or bisexual or is it just curiousity. Please let me know what you think, what you've seen, etc. How do these things play themselves out? I know there are always exceptions to the norm, but the norm is what usually happens. So, if the norm is that most such men end up being gay or leading secret lives, I want to know so I know whether or not I need to cut my losses right now.

 
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Old 10-29-2005, 04:56 AM   #2
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Re: My boyfriend, anal sex and other men

Say goodbye & get a man that likes women.

 
Old 10-29-2005, 08:29 AM   #3
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Re: My boyfriend, anal sex and other men

I think you have a lot to worry about. Tell him to take a walk and don't look back!!

 
Old 10-29-2005, 09:26 AM   #4
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Re: My boyfriend, anal sex and other men

It sounds like a bad path to take for your relationship. And I'd say that you sense that too based on the concerns you've raised in your question. Having a homoerotic fantasy is one thing, but being prepared to act it out while in a relationship with you is quite another.

Last edited by Zagreus; 10-29-2005 at 09:27 AM.

 
Old 10-29-2005, 12:06 PM   #5
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Re: My boyfriend, anal sex and other men

From your description, yes, it does sound like he's bi at the very least. It's one thing for a man to like anal stimulation, but the fact that he wants to receive it from a man is another thing entirely. That is definitely homosexual territory.

As far as 'iv' being a likely scenario, don't count on it. This is only a guess here, but you may be getting a front row seat to watching a man switch sides. I don't think any of the options are very good from your standpoint...

good luck to you.

 
Old 10-30-2005, 10:15 AM   #6
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Re: My boyfriend, anal sex and other men

We all have sexual fantasies. My wife and I have been lucky enough to fulfill our fantasy of being with another guy.Its the most exciting thing we have ever done.
Although no anal sex occurred between our friend and lover....and yes we are stilll friends and lovers, all be it that he has found a new girlfriend that keeps him happy, the sexual and physical contact was very intense between the three of us.
I've never recieved anal sex, but have fingered my wife just as she is about to have an orgasm with my penis inside her and I have fingered myself to a mind blowing orgasm.I have had anal sex with my wife, not often but we both do find this very exciting. I cannot see how it could be any different to having anal with a guy.I think about it often but so far the right time, person and place has not eventuated. Maybe you and your boyfriend should try a double vaginal or anal and vaginal with another guy, he may find these sensations is all he needs. Just keep exploring, thats whats so fun. There should be no barriers or boundaries. You both should be trying anything. If you are not comfortable with something, don't do it again, but should you like something you always thought was taboo, then why not keep doing it. Lifes too short to be worrying about whats right or wrong. Forget what any book tells you,listen to your heart and mind.Don't let the do gooders spoil your fun.
Like a river we are all free to roam.

Last edited by joy61; 10-30-2005 at 10:25 AM. Reason: wanting to add something

 
Old 10-30-2005, 04:33 PM   #7
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Re: My boyfriend, anal sex and other men

I totally agree with the original poster's assessment. You are right on the money, about the possibilities.
To the other guys, it's not that simple.
I have a brother. He likes to be penetrated anally. He's 100% straight.
I have a brother-in-law. He is also straight...maybe not 100%, but definitely straight. He loves to be anally penetrated as well. His deepest, most intimate fantasy is to receive anal sex from a man. He may never act on it...but if the opportunity arose, I am certain he would. This would not challenge his generally happy marriage, either way.
I am bisexual. I am not really very anally oriented. I am happily married, and have been for 3+ decades. I strayed for a few months with another guy. It caused my wife and I immense pain. Other than that, I have never been with anyone but my beloved wife.
It's a roll of the dice, as to whether the answer is a, b, c, or d.
Bottom line is, if you love him, you will come to understand and accept him. If he loves you and you love him, you can be happy together.

 
Old 11-01-2005, 12:43 PM   #8
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Re: My boyfriend, anal sex and other men

After some years of being actively heterosexual and having no more than a dismissive curiosity over what can only be described as homosexual activities, I was one day inadvertently in a position where I witnessed some such actions between males. It seemed to me that both participants were taking pleasure from their actions.
This came into my mind from time to time and eventually I began to emphasize with the scene I had witnessed and found I would sub-consciously go out of my way hoping to see more such happenings.
I began to feel desires to participate and receive anal penetration by another man as those I had seen seemed to find it exceedingly pleasurable. I was very curious, and the urge to try it became irresistable.
This grew on me and one day I was observing an activity when I was approached by another man who engaged me in conversation about the scene we were watching. He invited me to join him in a homosexual activity and for some reason I agreed and went to his fairly nearby apartment.
He introduced me to oral and anal sex and satisfied my curiousity to my great pleasure. After this I found I would deliberately go out of my way to meet a man for sex, my main enjoyment being penetrated.
I often regret having succumbed to my curiousity as I am now a compulsive secret gay who loves nothing more to take penetrative sex from men.
My advice is to find a new boy friend who has no interest in anal or any other same sex activity. If he tries it and likes it, then you have a gay man with all that entails.

 
Old 11-02-2005, 06:43 AM   #9
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Re: My boyfriend, anal sex and other men

You are gay. It was going to come out, one way or another. The original poster's boyfriend, we don't really know his sexuality. He could be anything from straight with a gay fantasy, to gay.

 
Old 11-02-2005, 01:33 PM   #10
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Re: My boyfriend, anal sex and other men

My husband likes it when I put a finger in his anus and touch his prostate does that make him gay? NO. However, saying that, I think that actual desire for penetration from another man is a little on the iffy side.

 
Old 11-03-2005, 10:52 AM   #11
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Re: My boyfriend, anal sex and other men

Mu husband loves anal sex...especially giving it. but he does like me to use my finger on him or a *****...he has admitted that he has wondered what it would be like for a man to give him anal sex, but I think that thought is normal.

But to act on that thought is something different...to search out couples to make this fantasy come true ??...don't know about that. It sounds like he does want to experience this with another man...if it's curiosty or if he is really bi-sexual or gay ?...only he can answer that question.
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Last edited by I_love_lucy; 11-03-2005 at 10:54 AM.

 
Old 11-03-2005, 04:59 PM   #12
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Re: My boyfriend, anal sex and other men

Part I - Gay?
I think it is completely normal for him to enjoy anal stimulation. From what Ive heard its a medical fact that is it extremely enjoyable for men, and I also know that first hand (although I have to be in a mood). Does that make him gay? No.

Him having fantasies about being penetrated/giving oral etc., is simply a fantasy. Men like to explore sexuality - trust me, it goes FAR. When getting kinky, I myself can fantasize about things such as that, but getting off too it actually cannot happen. When I get close to getting off, the only thing that can keep me going/get me off are women.

Think about this: Does he get turned on by other parts of mens bodies (ie. chest, stomach, etc.)? If yes, then you might need to question him.

I myself can get turned on by a penis - When watching a porno or thinking about it - but in real life, I dont think it would do anything for me. And Lord knows, NO OTHER part of the male anatomy turns me on lol.

Most guys who are gay (I imagine - dont flame!) also enjoy being the one penetrating, and receiving oral. If you notice, most guys who are straight and fantasize, do so about receiving anal and giving head. I could NEVER be turned on doing a guy, or received oral from one.


Part II - Acting It Out

Acting it out can and will be the BIGGEST mistake. If he really loves you, then no matter if its a guy or girl, he would never ever want to be with someone else.

If he actually pushes the issue, save yourself some heartache, please. No one deserves to get hurt because their partner has a fantasy to live out.


My $.02
worriedguy2005

 
Old 11-03-2005, 05:48 PM   #13
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Re: My boyfriend, anal sex and other men

There is something called "the down low" which straight guys participate in. They do not call themselves gay but secretly have anal sex with other men. It's only a sexual act. Some are married and act totally straight, you would NEVER know. If you want to go into a biblical aspect then "if two men lie down together" it is a homosexual act. I don't care who you are if you are a man and you have a penis in your butt more then once, your GAY! Once is curiosity, twice is gay! That's my two cents.

 
Old 11-03-2005, 06:18 PM   #14
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Thumbs down Re: My boyfriend, anal sex and other men

Total turn off, he could end up cheating on you and giving you an incurable STD. Yes, straight folks get their share, but its a well known fact that men with men can be very dangerous. Its bad enough there is competition regarding other women, let alone having to do deal with men also. No dice.

 
Old 11-04-2005, 07:40 AM   #15
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Re: My boyfriend, anal sex and other men

Someone who acts out on gay fantasies continually is gay or bi. There's no other way to spin it. Once or twice, it could be curiosity. But to live a life where you are looking for opportunities to fulfill this fantasy makes you something other than straight. Don't spin it, see it for what it really is. I would run as fast as possible to the nearest exit.

 
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