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Old 11-08-2005, 10:43 PM   #1
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He usually only wants to cuddle when he wants it to lead somewhere

I've been seeing this guy for almost 4 months now. We're both 22 years old. We messed around a month into getting to know each other, but it never really led to sexual intercourse till the third month. I had told him before though that I didn't want to have sex since we aren't together. I love that we would cuddle and spoon and all but then it has eventually led to sex (yeah, I ended up giving in cause it was in the heat of the moment). He noticed that I would be hesitant sometimes when we'd have sex (because in the back of my mind I fear getting attached and I dont want that right now) so lately he's stopped trying to get close to me. He wouldn't even kiss me or hug me or spoon me or cuddle like we used to. Becuase of that I've been worried that he's not interested in me. But yet at the same time he still calls me and wants to see me. What do you guys think it is?

 
Old 11-09-2005, 07:03 AM   #2
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Re: He usually only wants to cuddle when he wants it to lead somewhere

He just wants to get in you panties.

I would forget him and find another Boyfriend.

 
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Old 11-09-2005, 10:58 AM   #3
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Re: He usually only wants to cuddle when he wants it to lead somewhere

I would say this based on my experience, it may more complicated than the previous poster. I am certainly NOT someone who just wants to get in someone pants. In fact I have never had sexual contact with someone that I was not serious about and committed to.

BUT I find it VERY hard to just cuddle / make out with my girlfriend if it doesn't lead somewhere else. My biology is telling me one thing and my mind another. It can be in fact very tortureous. My GF wants to have the freedom of just cuddling with no goal or desired end but the whole time I'm fighting the biological urge to continue to completion. That can cause me to withdraw / shut down sometimes even thought I love her without doubt.

So long story short, maybe he's just having a hard time dealing with his internal struggle of body vs. heart.

 
Old 11-09-2005, 11:12 AM   #4
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Re: He usually only wants to cuddle when he wants it to lead somewhere

I agree with the previous poster. I think at that age, just wanting to cuddle is a little against nature. I could totally understand it if you were 15 or something, but I think at your age, expectations of a sexual conclusion to what amounts to foreplay is perfectly normal. If you are not interested in him in that way, or only want sex in a committed relationship, then you should let him go. He's still calling because there's obviously still something he likes about you, or wants from you (I won't guess what, I'm in no position to guess his motives, good or bad).

If you want to keep the relationship platonic unless you two are officially 'together' (which you say you dont want anyway) then make that very clear, and stick to your guns and most importantly: NO CUDDLING. That is just plain teasing at this point, since you two have been sexual.

You can't have it both ways. And neither can he.

 
Old 11-09-2005, 04:24 PM   #5
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Re: He usually only wants to cuddle when he wants it to lead somewhere

So I brought it up to him. The best thing to do is ask, right? And you two are right. He admits that he thinks about sex all the time when I'm around him and for him to get physically close to me makes him want to take it further than just cuddling. He actually stopped getting physically close to me out of respect for because he didnt want to make me uncomfortable....and that he wouldn't just leave because of my feelings towards sex. He still calls and we still see each other but its really on me nowadays if I want sex or not...cause he said he's always down and ready for it. haha. When I think about it more, I appreciate it because I've been in a situation like this before where the guy just wanted sex, and even though he said he was fine with "no sex" at the time...he disappeared a week later and I never heard from him again. This guy has stuck around for 4 months now.

 
Old 11-09-2005, 05:53 PM   #6
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its funny that i read this b/c i have a similar problem. i don't really want to have sex w/ anyone unless we are in a committed relationship and i've been talking to this guy for a few mths. and he wants to cuddle and everything...but he has a wierd concept. he thinks that if he can explore my body then that would lessen his temptation to want to have sex...now i don't know what that sounds like to you all but it sounds funny to me, b/c i know for a fact i'm not going to be able to explore anyones body and not want to have sex!

Last edited by Mod-S4; 11-09-2005 at 08:20 PM. Reason: Question removed. Please start a new thread for your own questions and allow the original power to have her question answered here.

 
Old 11-09-2005, 06:21 PM   #7
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Re: He usually only wants to cuddle when he wants it to lead somewhere

I would warn against that. I think if he explores your body, it'll just heighten his desire to have sex with you. I know I would.

I say take it slow. If he's really interested in YOU, he's not going to disappear just because you don't have sex right away.

 
Old 11-09-2005, 06:24 PM   #8
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Re: He usually only wants to cuddle when he wants it to lead somewhere

Here's what was told to me and I find it true......Men need sex to feel emotions and woman need emotions to feel sexual......Viscious cycle if you ask me. LOL

 
Old 11-09-2005, 07:00 PM   #9
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Re: He usually only wants to cuddle when he wants it to lead somewhere

I think for women, when you feel that connection with someone, you'd want more than just to cuddle as well. But we can control it while men can't. I dont know what to do about the cuddling part in my situation as well. I'm just gonna keep going with the flow of things. As long as he knows where you stand with sex in the situation, he shouldn't expect u to want sex if you cuddle. If he disappears tommorrow, that means he was only in it for sex. If he's still there tommorrow, then it shows he's there for the right reasons....hold on to him for a while if this is the case because guys that don't care about u won't stick around. They'll simply find someone else who'd give it up easily. =) good luck with it! We're no cheap thrill, that's for sure...

 
Old 11-09-2005, 07:08 PM   #10
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Re: He usually only wants to cuddle when he wants it to lead somewhere

and the preacher said...AMEN! I mean...its just wierd b/c i mean well all know temptation is a mother...and in the heat of the moment anything can happen. but i've got to teach myself that when want to know if hes right...make him wait! if he cant then he don't need me! well...we're going to see what happens this weekend. this will be the first time for us to be alone...we're just going to watch a movie and TALK! i want to get to know whats deep down w/in him...i want to know all there is to know...which i know will never happen...but it will not hurt to try. Fellows...if you read this. WHEN YOUR TALKING TO A CHICK...WHAT IS SOMETHING THAT SHE SHOULD NOT ASK YOU~

 
Old 11-09-2005, 08:18 PM   #11
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Re: He usually only wants to cuddle when he wants it to lead somewhere

I'm assuming that you're watching a movie at the movie theatre, right? From past experience, me and a guy would never actually watch the movie. We'd watch the beginning but then .... **CENSORED**. And I'm not sure if you'll get out everything you want from this guy this weekend. Let timing take its course and make sure not to sound interrogative with 21 questions. good luck to you!

 
Old 11-09-2005, 11:49 PM   #12
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Re: He usually only wants to cuddle when he wants it to lead somewhere

You want to cuddle but don't want to get attatched?

Sounds like you want him for the cuddling/affection and he wants you for sex but there's not much more there. I could be wrong though because I don't know anything about the other aspects of your relationship.

Last edited by Nick M; 11-09-2005 at 11:49 PM.

 
Old 11-10-2005, 05:19 AM   #13
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Re: He usually only wants to cuddle when he wants it to lead somewhere

Quote:
Originally Posted by abigail123
I'm assuming that you're watching a movie at the movie theatre, right? From past experience, me and a guy would never actually watch the movie. We'd watch the beginning but then .... **CENSORED**. And I'm not sure if you'll get out everything you want from this guy this weekend. Let timing take its course and make sure not to sound interrogative with 21 questions. good luck to you!


Well no...I'm not talking about a movie at the theatre. But I'm going to have a friend of mine w/ me so that way I know nothing can happen. She's going to be w/ one of his friends. I mean Don't get me wrong I know I'm not going to get everything I need from him this weekend and that its going to take some time....much time...but I just wanted to make sure that I'm actually doing the right thing. I mean you'll never really get to know a person unless you talk to them...I'm a talker. I love to talk and I love for someone to talk to me! I've been able to watch a whole movie before...me and my ex would do it all the time...we would just lay in the bed and watch tv and movies all day long...then when it was time for bed...it was time for bed. but of course we know all guys are different. Well thanks...I'll keep you posted!

 
Old 11-10-2005, 09:28 AM   #14
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Re: He usually only wants to cuddle when he wants it to lead somewhere

Quote:
Originally Posted by Soulcatcher
Here's what was told to me and I find it true......Men need sex to feel emotions and woman need emotions to feel sexual......Viscious cycle if you ask me. LOL
Pretty close to the truth IMO. I feel lots of emotions for my GF but physical intimacy allows the most rooted and connected ones to be expressed.

 
Old 11-14-2005, 04:59 PM   #15
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Re: He usually only wants to cuddle when he wants it to lead somewhere

Hi abigail
im trevor well what you need to do is get out of it and find a man not boys who just want to play the field maybe someone who is caring and consider it someone who would love to cuddle you and maybe hold u tight in there arms maybe sex will come later when ya both ready not just the 1 partner sounds like ya a decent good woman been giving the run around by him he calls u when he wants its not like hes phoning u everyday to come and see u just say you think its run its course and move on your life
hope something happens for u soon abigal
from trevor

 
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