it's been 4 months since she split, and it was a nasty breakup, but we live in the same area so i see her occasionaly, and i can't get her off my mind. Right afte the breakup i started to masterbate like once a day, only thinking about her, but over these 4 long months it has become at least like 3 times a day now, and i can't seem to stop. This is hard becasue i need to move on with my life but thinking about her in the sort of (sexual way) isn't working. I just need some advice on how to stop this becasue it's a serious problem right now and most liekly we will never get back together.
Hmmm, Sounds like you obviously need to move on, but your head is thinking 'There might still be a chance to get back with her', am i right?
Well if you do want to get back with her, (obviously sounds like your still into her), try and catch her when you see her and tell her that you want to give it another go. You have nothing to lose and this will clear that bit up. Never know, she might be doing the same thing!
If she does say she doesnt want to, I say get out there and try and get your mind on someone else. Get some mates together and go out to a pub/club/anywhere single woman will be around your area and get yourself back in 'the game'.
I still fantasize about a girl I dated in high school, 12 years ago. I hooked up with a girl 18 months ago at a wedding. One night. Still fantasize about her. Still email her, actually. Too bad she lives on the other side of the country. Now that I think about it, I probably run any and every girl I've ever been with through my head once in a while. Some more than others.
However. In no way do I want to get back together with any of them (sexually, maybe. That's not true. There's no maybe). Breaking up is tough, but you should get back out there. I have some other suggestions for meeting the girls. The top on the list is volunteer work. Give that a shot. You feel like a good person, and hook up. What's wrong with that? I've also had success with the speed dating. Sounds weird or desperate, but you'd be shocked at the women who go to those things. Online dating sucks. Either fake/old picture, or crazy. Or both. That's not *always* true, but you'll be kissing a lot of frogettes, if you know what I mean.
Good luck. It gets better. The only other thing I'll say is that you think about ex's MUCH less when you're talking to a different girl. You know what I mean? If you don't, give it a shot and find out.
It's normal to think about your last regular partner after a breakup. Think about it. She is most of your recent sexual activity for a long period of time plus in the back of your mind is all the things you might have wanted to try with her but never did.
I have found the last one was always on my mind until there was a new last one. If you date another girl for a few months and break up with her that girl will then become the ex you think about.
Also it is our evolved tie to the the women that we break up with that keeps us thinking about them and often wanting them back. We forget the negatives that prevented things from truly working out and dwell on the positives.
It is probably some prehistoric imperative so that we would stay with our women long enough for our children to survive so our DNA gets passed along. Of course there doesn't need to be children for that pull to exist.
Functionally that is why some men stalk their ex's or break up and then desperately want the woman back. Women are more able to walk away cleanly after a breakup, so long as there are no kids to confuse the issue because their evolved reaction to a guy breaking up with them is subconsciously that he is unreliable and therefore may lack the stable parenting traits that wil allow her to pass on her DNA successfully.
Or sometimes it just means that she was extremely hot and you don't have anything that good looking handy for a tumble.
Seriously, your feelings are normal, and things will subside. It always took me six or eight months to get mentally clear of a serious relationship, but the really hot ones stayed on my mind for years. The important thing is that in the future you may think of her from time to time but it won't prevent the success of a new relationship. Patience!
I think we have all been there done that. It's perfectly ok as long as your masturbation isn't interfering with other aspects of your life... 3 times a day, every day could be excessive if you are spending hour after hour and it's affecting your work/school/life in any way. If it is, and you can't control it, you might want to consider going to a sexual addiction anonymous group therapy session. If it is not interfering in any way, then I see no problem. I just wanted to bring this up in case this was becoming an issue, before it gets out of hand.