I had a really uncomfortable experience a couple of nites ago. I Picked up a hot girl and went back to her place started and started kissing etc. I got a huge erection and we decided to have sex. i went to put the condom on and when I came back and got naked with her I went completely soft and I felt like complete ****. I have experienced this before but when I was taking anti depressants which was months ago. I thought this was a thing of the past.. obviosuly not!! She was very understanding (so it seemed) but in the morning she decided that she didn't want anything from me anymore. I felt awful.
When im on my own i can get nice firm erections when I masturbate etc but i seem to struggle with a partner. Especially if it's someone I dont know. I am just worried that I might lose somebody special because of this. I do get quite nervous could that cause it?? Id also had a few beers? could that cause it?
that's why u losin it, because u worry about tryin to keep it up. everybody says "ah don't worry about tryin to keep it up" or "ah u puttin pressure on yaself" but i know u feel pressure like shootin a free throw to win a game when u wanna keep it up. just try to focus on her body and relax though. i always tell my girl to play with mine while i get the condom out so i can put it on.
Sorry but I'm not sure if you want to hear it from a girl's point of view but it might help. I would suggest what the other guys have said about relaxing. You know a lot of girls are really understanding and if the ones that aren't then they aren't for you. Besides if you go soft the girl can always get you back up again by say giving you oral then move onto intercourse. My bf loves oral before intercourse whether he's up or not. I think a lot of girls have this illusion that the guy should do everything but you know the girl can do stuff too. Great sex isn't just because of the guy. Just relax and don't think about trying to get it up throughout the whole act as it will be a never ending cycle if you don't break it. Take it one step at a time. You can always talk about it with the girl if you've been with her for a while. Most girls are pretty understanding. Hope this helps.
Again, dont know if you want a womans ooinion, but all I can say is, there are alot of men out there, who have problems in the same area you do. Just not very many of them will admit it. My only suggestion to you, is don't try for one-night-stands because you will always have this problem. If you get to know the girl, and are comfortable with her, I would bet you wouldnt have the problem as bad. Also any woman who would leave you, because you have problems staying hard when you are nervous is not woman to worry about. We too have our concerns the first time we are intimate with someone, only thing is ours is not so visual as someone who has gone soft.
While you are worrying about whether you will stay hard or not, she is worried about how "fat" you think she is.
ftpphix, this happened to me the other night... first time with a girl I REALLY like. I was so frustrated... I was ready-to-go the time we started to undress but as soon as she went to the bathroom for 5 seconds, I was gone.
BUT, I relaxed and she helped me out a little and it returned fairly fast. Now if I could just last hours like I could before
I think everyone agrees that this is very normal. Performance anxiety is very common, especially if it's a one nighter. To keep things interesting, you may want to get her involved in putting on the condom... this way she is playing, touching, perhaps oral sex, etc. which will keep you focused.