Ok i am hysterical right now!
I put a post up the other day explaining how my boyfriend never wants sex. Well like i said we are both in our 20's been together for 4 years now.
Tonight was horrible! We ended up having sex and it left me very confused and very upset.
He actually initiated it tonight and like always there was no foreplay at all. The beginning was awkward because of some of the things he said but i dont wanna say cause it might be too graphic for this board. Well as we were having sex it just wasnt happening for me so i eventually "faked it" ..... well he got right up and said i had to pee soo bad! (dont know why he didnt tell me that while we were doing it) so he peed came back and sat down and started watching TV like we werent even doing anything. So I asked him if he wanted me to give him oral sex. He said "nah im not ready yet." I was a little shocked! so i let it go. things were really awkward and I was feeling very uncomfortable. Then he asked me if it was good and i just looked at him and smiled a little. A few minutes later I tried to give him oral again and he said "Stop i'm not ready too yet." so i looked at him holding back my tears and said "It wasn't good was it?" and he was like "What wasn't good what are you talking about." I couldnt get anymore words out because I was about to break down and cry. I sat there so humiliated and felt so unwanted like he had just experienced the worst sex he's ever had. Then he finally said "I'm ready for bed" and went to sleep. I am awake now crying hysterically. We were having this amazing day our relationship is awesome in every other way. When it comes to us having sex its sooo awkward. I don't understand why this is. I have never felt soo insecure in my life! I feel like I must be the worst person he's ever been with.
I need help guys I have no idea what to do. No other guy I was with has ever complained. Is it me??? is it him? what is it? I can't understand it.
I know I have to talk to him about why its like this but I am sooo afraid that he is going to say soemthing that is going to destroy me.
Any thoughts? Advice? Please help me out
I need to have a talk with him tomorrow i need you guys to let me know how to initiate it and what I should/ shouldnt say
Last edited by Chickie0326; 01-11-2006 at 10:37 PM.
Just be completely honest with your feelings and verbalize them calmly. Let him know you are interested in him sexually and want to improve that part of your relationship. Ask him if he's interested in working on that and how much effort he's willing to put in. If he's not willing to work on it or put in a lot of effort...see ya! If he's just not that interested in sex...nothing to do with you...just not interested in sex...then ask him why. If he doesn't know...ask him to see his doctor. Young men typically want sex all the time. If he won't see the doctor...forget about it...get out before you get stuck in a sexless marriage! There are plenty of men who will leave you begin' for mercy...
As women we always want to blame ourselves! I bet he is having issue's within himself, and isnt feeling "like a man" and men have a hard time expressing those feelings. Can he communicate well with you? You say everything else in your relationship is perfect. It really doesnt sound like he can communicate. Some men.............NOT ALL, are selfish in bed, especially if they are young and havent matured...........when they mature and become a bit more experienced then they put the woman FIRST!! A good lover is a man that does put his woman's need's first. There could be alot going on with him, even hormonally.............emotionally and maybe even something that really doesnt have to do with you. It's horrible when we arent satisfied in bed, and it is hard to communicate about it with our partner's. I find it easier to talk about after the fact...............definately not during. Well there is nothing wrong with telling him what you like during it.........but issue's and problems are easier to discuss after the fact. Being turned down is emotionally disturbing to us as women. Is he on any med's that could be effecting his sex drive?
It sounds like he has the problem, yet you are beating yourself up about it! Stop That!
Are you sure he hasn't some physical problem - bad erections, sore penis, problem foreskin, something that he is not telling you? You need to get him to open up and talk about it - sensibly and in a grown up manner hopefully without rowing or getting upset. If he cannot do it with you then he needs to talk to someone independant who can help him, and in turn help you.
I must have missed your previous post, I apologize. I don't think you are the problem, so like the last poster said, you are beating yourself up for ntohing...stop that! I liked how it was put so it beared repeating! LOL
What I am curious about, is how much do you know about his past sex life? It seems to me he is not the talkative type, and if similar problems presented themselves before, he has something he needs to deal with, whether he has doubts about himself or just doesn't enjoy sex as much as you do. I'm not saying that is a bad thing, everyone is different. Just sit down with him, voice your concerns and how you arrived with them and see what he says. Ask him what he liked the most and what he disliked the most, but only if you are sure you are prepared for such answers. I think whatever it is can be worked out.
If he is saying or doing things you don't really like, tell him. If you don't, or if you fake things, how will he know? Also, for lots of men, one orgasm is all they need. He should probably at least stick around to cuddle a bit, but perhaps he is not that type of person or he needs some training.
The problem is not yours, but both of yours, and you two need to have a long talk and try to through things. Being honest and open, but understanding, is key.
Thanks for all the help! Today was better, we actually had sex that was pretty good. He even initiated it. Earlier in the day before it even happened i tol him i wanted to have a talk later. So if things don't continue to run smoothly I will def have that talk.
Our sex life :( (sooo upset you guys) 
