I've been having a problem recently when it comes to sex that has become very frustrating to me. My wife and I have a pretty good sex life. We are both in our early 30's and do it once or twice a week or so.
Anyway, lately I have been having a problem getting an erection when we go to have a quickie during the day. We have 2 young kids under the age of 5 and we usually try to do it when they're involved in something. I just can't seems to focus or relax because I'm afraid that they may walk in or knock on the door or whatever. So we jump into bed quickly and strip it all off and then attempt to have sex. I have to get my self set quickly and put on a condom as well which makes things more difficult. Needless to say it takes awhile to get hard or I'll get hard and lose it in the middle of sex because my mind is all over the place. Eventually I do get hard enough to finish the act and we both orgasm but I leave the room kicking myself for having the problems and not being able to relax.
At night when the kids are in bed I'm fine and have no problems. In fact, last time we had sex my wife said it was the best she had ever had. Great ego boost for me but I still had the problem. Attraction is not the issue because I'm always chasing after her and am easily aroused otherwide.
Any ideas on how I can get past this problem before it gets worse. Obviously I don't want to give up the quickies during the day because I'll take sex whenever I can get it. Also, I never used to have this problem when we would have a quickie during the day. Just in the past month or two. My wife doesn't see a problem but I'm kicking myself over it. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.
The more you worry about it the more it will happen!
The worry of the kids being around is not going to go away unles you can be sure they are out of the house while you and your wife have a bit of fun time. Can you not get someone to look after them for a couple of hours every now and then, so you can relax knowing the house is empty? You don't have to tell that person the real reason, make up a reason like you have to study for an evening class or say it will be good for the kids to get out a bit.
When the kids are in the house the worry of them walking in will be a constant fear, especially if they are used to just wandering in. Firstly put a bolt / lock on the inside of your bedroom door. Then even if they disturb you by knocking they have not actually caught you at it! Obviously you can not be both screaming like banshees during sex if the kids are in the house but at least you know that they cannot just walk in on you so this should remove an anxiety.
As for the condom, I know the effect that having to out one on has, you get all excited then by the time you have the condom on half the hardness has gone away. There is nothing more off putting to me than the sound of masturbating in a condom to get hard!! How about she goes on the pill to get this out of the way?
Best of luck with this, I hope there are one or two ideas here that will help
It's the tension, stress, and "perform now" anxiety that is deffinately doing it.
I know because I've been there, my wife and I are trying to concieve, and due to our work schedules, we sometimes only have a few hours together at night. So when we feel it's the best time to conceive, I'm asked to perform on the spot, and as my intentions are all good, and I really want to, I've experienced the same things.
Semi-erection, or one that dies off in the middle of sex. Or it takes a long time to ejaculate, various things. The worst is that my wife gets very upset when this happens, or very angry. She's just extremely frustrated with the entire situation... However lately, we've both been trying to take the edge off, relax more, and it is deffinately working.
You need to find things that will help you relax a lot more.
Why not come up with a game plan. Ok.. you and your wife are in bed. You have two kids under the age of 5. So maybe a 4 and a 2 year old or something.
Now imagine one of them walks in on you having sex? What do you do? How do you react? What do you say?
Maybe you can tell your son "Mommy and Daddy are having some private time. Could you please go downstairs for a little while, we'll be down soon."
Remember to not get mad at your kids, (ie. "get the hell out of here!!!" or something. They don't know any better)
Also remember, your kids don't know what "sex" is, they havn't the faintest clue. So to them, you and your wife may be "wrestling" or "playing" or "being silly".... So it won't harm them to see you, mind you, I'd stay under the covers while having those quickies.
Remember, you're kids wouldn't be the first to walk in on their parents.
Now. My point is that if you have a game plan for the "worst case scenario" it may help you relax and perform better. By all means bar the door with a piece of furniture or something if necessary =)