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Old 02-09-2006, 10:29 AM   #1
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Husband masturbates 3-4 times a day

My husband and i have been married for just over a year now. In the first 2-3 months after we got married we were having sex all the time. However, after 4 motnhs our frequency started going down. My husband seemed to be wanting to masturbate more than having sex. He masturbates 3-4 times a day now and if i'm lucky we'll have sex twice a month!

I want to have sex everyday and feel very resentful that he is depriving me of it and would rather masturbate than have sex with me. When i do try to confront him with this he gets defensive and says there is nothing wrong with it and that I'm trying to run his life. Now just to avoid any arguments I don't mention it to him.

My question is: is it normal for a married man to masturbate so much? I think he has a problem and needs therapy.

Last edited by Mod-S4; 02-09-2006 at 03:09 PM. Reason: Note edit to your post. Please use proper terminology.

 
Old 02-09-2006, 12:43 PM   #2
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Re: Husband masturbates 3-4 times a day

Talk to him, but change the thrust (!) of your argument: he wants to have sex with you about twice a month, right? You want it more frequently. Make the point that you have as much right to sex WHEN YOU WANT IT as he does. Talk compromise - that's what a good relationship is all about. If he cares for you and your feelings, he will listen; if he doesn't, maybe you should rethink your commitment.

 
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Old 02-09-2006, 06:57 PM   #3
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Re: Husband masturbates 3-4 times a day

Look, this is a pretty serious issue for people who have only been married for a year. First of all, it seems pretty defensive that he accuses you of tryin to "run his life" when the discussion turn to sex.

Secondly, I think that, probably, all men masturbate, even after they get married. There is something about having control over that aspect of your life and, also, though I base this on no data or information I have read: sometimes, I think just masturbating takes less time, than having sex. However, it does seem to me that the drop in frequency is fairly precipitous. And, I can also tell you that this situation is only going to get worse unless the two of you work it out, either together or with a counselor.

And, finally, I have to think that there is more here than the simple act of masturbation for, whatever fantasy he's using to get himself off, you are not a part of that fantasy and that's just to be very painful for you. chris

 
Old 02-09-2006, 10:45 PM   #4
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Re: Husband masturbates 3-4 times a day

As a guy I can say, no, it is NOT normal.

 
Old 02-18-2006, 02:19 PM   #5
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Re: Husband masturbates 3-4 times a day

MY hubby mastrabates several times a day as well and understand your resentment cause I feel the same way, Especially since we are trying to TTC but I think it is a normal thing for guys. U really should chat to him about it though, My hubbby and I had a chat about it and now when I am ovulating he does not mastrabate at all, so maybe chatting to your hubby will help to?

 
Old 02-18-2006, 02:52 PM   #6
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orion HB Userorion HB Userorion HB Userorion HB Userorion HB User
Re: Husband masturbates 3-4 times a day

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scheri
My husband and i have been married for just over a year now. In the first 2-3 months after we got married we were having sex all the time. However, after 4 motnhs our frequency started going down. My husband seemed to be wanting to masturbate more than having sex. He masturbates 3-4 times a day now and if i'm lucky we'll have sex twice a month!
.
All the married men I know masturbate, so that's normal, but I agree that the two key things are:

1. after 4 months things started getting worse

2. he accused you of trying to run his life

Obviously something isn't right here. So ask yourself this:

1. are your expections of him in bed unreasonable? Do you want him to last for hours? Do you make fun of him in bed? Do you compare him to other lovers? ie: have you really made it hard for him to enjoy sex with you and so he picks the easier route.

2. Are you actually a controlling person? Do you constantly demand things and nag if you don't get them. I mean, marriage is a two way street and you have to give up things to get them in return. Guys for instance need solitude and they need support. If he doesn't get those from you, he will find another way to get them.

3. You must have issues between you besides the sex one. What are they and do they revolve around control?

You have a serious situation on your hands because if this is marriage after 4 months, then marriage in 10 years will be hell. Decide now to take action, first by seeing a councilor on your own and then approach him with the idea of saving your marriage, because it sure seems like you don't have a marriage now.

How old are you guys by the way?

Last edited by orion; 02-18-2006 at 02:56 PM.

 
Old 02-20-2006, 12:27 PM   #7
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Re: Husband masturbates 3-4 times a day

My wife's sex drive was off the chart when we first got married, but in a very short time frame fell off (now three years married). While we chat about it, she's not intrested so I masturbate about 4-5 times a week which keeps me satisfied. I am working to have some deeper conversations on this subject but allot of avoidance (unsure of the conflict when this is discussed) from both sides. Interesting point: She is very well aware of my masturbation and likes to ask if I have during the day!!' While' she seems to enjoy the thought it does not lead to our "Bedtime" activities. Not much help on this, but it is normal and maybe "seasonal" (ie. when you' are both not on the same page so to speak).

 
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