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Old 02-12-2006, 12:37 PM   #1
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TheWatcher HB User
Advice from experienced men

Hi Gents,

I'm 26 and just got my first serious girlfriend.

Since I was 14 I have masturbated to pornography "nearly" everyday. When I was younger it always felt good, I always felt turned on at the sight of my erection and sometimes when I just wanted to make myself ejaculate I realised that if I went at it really hard I cold 'make' myself ejaculate. But, years ago I stopped getting aroused and masturbation became all about the final 'release' rather than the pleasurable build up and for the last 4 or 5 years I have not been enjoying masturbation and have been 'making' myself ejaculate, without enjoying the getting there.

Now that I have a girlfriend I have noticed that when I enter her that I seem to have trained myself out of getting turned on and enjoying the build up.

It seems that I have forgotten how to feel the pleasurable sensations of having sex [with myself or with another] I wonder if this is because of the porn that I have been using. I have thought in the back of my mind that it might have caused and issue.

I would would like advice on adjusting from solo sex to partnered sex.

My girlfriend is totally supportive, and there is no hint of pressure on me from her or myself. I would just like to hear your suggestions on how I can get back into enjoying penile sensations again.

Last edited by Mod-S4; 02-13-2006 at 08:52 PM. Reason: Note edits to your posts. Proper terminology is required on these boards. And please read the Special Rules sticky at the top of the board. Thanks.

 
Old 02-13-2006, 02:03 AM   #2
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bmcc666 HB User
Re: Advice from experienced men

well i have the same problem and would love to hear an answer for this one....

 
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Old 02-13-2006, 11:42 AM   #3
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Re: Advice from experienced men

First of all let my say how much I feel for you with this problem. I feel sure that it can be solved--but it will probably take time.
I ,too, messed around with porn for a while and I cannot emphasize enough how powerful of a factor it is in causing problems like yours. Unfortunately you programmed yourself for 12 years to have sex using porn, and it will take some retraining to get this turned around. First of all ,let me say I 've been there and am so glad I got out. My sex life is so happy and enjoyable now So many men are doing the same thing as you & I did, but it is reeking havoc on their relationships with their girlfriends and wives and they aren't always aware that porn is at the root of the problem.
Now for some suggestions:
1. Stop looking at porn now! This can be very difficult to do, after all, it is a very powerful addiction but I can't stress enough how important this is to do. Your success depends on it. There are web sites to go for help, if you need it.
2. Avoid masturbating as much as possible. This is very important, too. Again, you will really need to retrain yourself in this area. When you need release, try to get it only by making love to your girlfriend; concentrate on her and not on yourself and your needs. Try making her happy and you will find that you perform better than thinking about what you need and your sexual performance.
3. Only have sex when you are ready--don't try to when you are stressed,tired, or just not in the mood. Stress is a big factor in impotance. She will need to let you initiate sex.
4. Agree with her that it is okay for both of you not to orgasm every time. Concentrate on touching, caressing, spending time in each others arms.
Use music, candles, whatever enhances the pleasure of making love without necessarily having orgasm. This takes the pressure off you to have to perform every time. She sounds understanding, so that's good. In fact for the time being, I think it would be best not to attempt the sex act itself; just have several sessions where you are intimate in other ways and soon you will be ready to move on.
Buddy, I wish you and others like you the best of luck. Take it from me, you can deal with this and find your sex life better than you'd ever dreamed.
I know. It happened to me. I went from several years of no sex due to a similar problem until I got turned around and started concentrating on the right things. Best of Luck!

 
Old 02-13-2006, 08:37 PM   #4
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Lorelle thank you VERY much for your sincere reply.

In fact things have already improved since I posted

I have done a lot of thinking about this issue and have started to look at it in a different light. Years ago I learnt that if I wanted to make myself orgasm, even when my penis didn't feel like it, I could force myself to as long as I had some degree of erection. Why would I do that? For the release. The pleasurable stage of "getting to release" was instead swapped for a rapid pulling session, which was neither erotic, or much fun. The pleasure went out of sex.

So when I come to have sex with my girlfriend, my organs, mental processes are still trained in this very forced way. Also I don't feel very much from my penis as I had forgetton to feel the pleasure sensations and going straight for the release. My job is to train myself to feel the pleasure again.

In response to your post:-

Quote:
1. Stop looking at porn now! This can be very difficult to do, after all, it is a very powerful addiction but I can't stress enough how important this is to do. Your success depends on it. There are web sites to go for help, if you need it.
I have already done this. Porn holds no excitement for me now. I am not addicted, it was just the only means of release that I had.

Quote:
2. Avoid masturbating as much as possible. This is very important, too. Again, you will really need to retrain yourself in this area. When you need release, try to get it only by making love to your girlfriend; concentrate on her and not on yourself and your needs. Try making her happy and you will find that you perform better than thinking about what you need and your sexual performance.
Actually I think that proper mastubation can helpy to retrain me to feel the pleasure of sex. Now I masturbate myself, but very very gently and slowly, making sure to feel every sensation, as soon as I stop feeling, I stop, then start again. I have already noticed increased sensitivity.

Quote:
3. Only have sex when you are ready--don't try to when you are stressed,tired, or just not in the mood. Stress is a big factor in impotance. She will need to let you initiate sex.
I totally agree I will not try to perform sex I will only have it when I totally feel the need.

Quote:
4. Agree with her that it is okay for both of you not to orgasm every time. Concentrate on touching, caressing, spending time in each others arms.
Use music, candles, whatever enhances the pleasure of making love without necessarily having orgasm. This takes the pressure off you to have to perform every time. She sounds understanding, so that's good. In fact for the time being, I think it would be best not to attempt the sex act itself; just have several sessions where you are intimate in other ways and soon you will be ready to move on.
We already use music and candles, and we love each other so much that frankly we could just sit in the same room together, fully clothed, and I would still be having the time of my life. We have discussed how to move forward on this.

I see this as a very temporary time of adjustment, and I am not making a big deal over it, because if I do then it will not help things at all.


Thanks once again for your sincere post Lorelle, and hopefully I will be posting a sucessful story here in the near future.

Regards,

Chris.

Last edited by Mod-S4; 02-13-2006 at 08:55 PM. Reason: Terminology. TMI removed.

 
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