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Old 02-21-2006, 03:50 AM   #1
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First sex for a year and was terrible!!

Thankyou to those who replied to my previous post. Please bare with me this one because I really desperately need help.Im a freshly turned 22 male.

Last night was the first time in nearly a year that I had sex and it was far from satisfying, infact it was quite distressing the whole night. I have been kind of seeing this girl for about 3-4 weeks and slept at her place many times but never had sex but always has great erections. Last night everything was fine while we were making out until she said lets have sex. I got so nervous! I dont know why! its just been so long and the last time I tried to I couldnt get an erection which was playing in the back of my mind. Probably like a self fulfilling prophecy.

Anyway I entered her with a relatvely hard erection and stayed in for about a minute or so in one position with no problems. We then changed postions and everything was cool and then I popped out and started going soft. This was 4am in the morning however I just told her I was tired and everything would be fine when we tried again in the morning.

Morning came and started making out again with a great erections. Put A condom on and started going soft straight away. I couldnt believe this was happening! It was a nightmare but it got even worse. I tried on 2 more occasions. Got hard and went soft when put condom on. It was humiliating! She is an awesome girl but I could tell she was very surprirsed at what was going on and she told me later I thought I wasnt attracted to her.

sometime later i finally managed to get an erection and enter her vagina which felt like a dream come true and it lasted for a while and then I became soft again. Did some more kissing and went hard again and entered again. Sex felt good but not as good as my past experiences. Id say i was having sex for about 15 minutes but I could not ejaculate, although at times I thought I was going to. I seemed to often go soft when I took the penis out and got ready for a new position and then recoverd. is that normal?

I just feel so freaked out about the whole situation! I am obsessing over my erection difficulties yet I rarely have problems if theres no pressure.. I dont know if its just performance anxiety or if its something else. I have been coming out of depression and at the end of the last year my testosterone levels were lower than normal which apparently can be because of stress.
I have noticed my erections have been improving. I held one for hours with this girl but I am too afraid to go and get another test. Should I? or is everything normal and just in my mind?

Secondly the fact the I couldnt ejaculate! I have always ejaculated from sex in the past and this was the first time. I dont know what to do. I cant ejaculate from oral sex. It just usually feels uncomfortable and never feels close to ejaculating. I have only ejaculated from oral sex three times my life and both took extending periods. What the hell is going on?

I really like this girl but I am so embarrassed over my issues. Im sure some if not all is in the mind but I'm terrified I might have a physical problem. I just dont need this crap to happen to me ive been through enough. What can I do to enjoy my sex life and stop worrying and make everything better? One final thing . When she was naked I was not extremely attracted to her body. Infact i was thinking about the last girl i had sex with. is that really bad? If i wasnt attracted enough to her could that be causing some of my issues?

-Rick-

Last edited by dirkson4; 02-21-2006 at 03:58 AM.

 
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Old 02-21-2006, 06:25 AM   #2
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Re: First sex for a year and was terrible!!

I think your problem is that you have been out of the groove for awhile accompanied by nerves . First of all the first time with a new partner can be difficult . Just relax and be cool, if this woman cares about you she will understand. Just take your time and dont try to hard let everything fall into place.

 
Old 02-21-2006, 10:50 AM   #3
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Re: First sex for a year and was terrible!!

wow man i had almost the same experience over the weekend, i been going out with this girl (who is now officially my girlfriend) for about a month and a half, we had sex for the first time...well i kept going soft and it was ******* me off, but i think it was due to some alcohol that i drank, but besides that everything else went well, and she said it was the best orgasm anyone ever gave her, so that made me happy..she was very understand of me going soft and said it was ok, and not to worry about it..so i made up for that in other ways anyways im seeing her all this weekend, so im hoping i do a little better (since i havent had sex before this last time)

 
Old 02-21-2006, 05:54 PM   #4
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Re: First sex for a year and was terrible!!

If you are hard when you wake up in the morning, there is no problem physically.
You are right, worrying about going soft is a self-fulfilling prophesy. You need to learn a way to shut off the self-talk. Forget about yourself, and think about pleasing her.

 
Old 02-22-2006, 02:57 AM   #5
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dirkson4 HB User
Re: First sex for a year and was terrible!!

Well I do normally wake up with semi hard or hard erection nowadays, But when I was on anti depressants a few months back i never did but that was because they can cause sexual dysfunction. It was soon after that that I found out i had low testosterone. Could my testosterone levels come back to normal in only a few months? I got a blood test today so i guess we'll see. Im terrified og what im going to do if i am still low

How can I just shut off all this negative self talk about worrying if i will get an erection and if i will ejaculate etc? it seems easier said than done! Do you think seeing a sex therapist is an option?

Please reply

Last edited by dirkson4; 02-22-2006 at 03:00 AM.

 
Old 02-24-2006, 01:31 AM   #6
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Accutane Dude HB User
This is absolutely unreal!! I read this post and i swear to god i thought i wrote it.

Tonight the SAME thing happened to me. it's 5 in the morning and i had this girl over. We had gone out a few times and got hammered and came back tomy place but she woulnd't really sleep with me. Well i mean same thing as you described.. everything was fine then she got out the condom put it on me and suddenly i was just kinda like half limp you know. I wasn't rock hard anymore. It was brutal. this is not the first time. I'm gonna make a post im very confused.

Last edited by Mod-S4; 02-24-2006 at 03:26 PM. Reason: Vulgar language is not allowed on these boards.

 
Old 02-25-2006, 04:13 PM   #7
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systemofadown HB User
Re: First sex for a year and was terrible!!

dam same exact thing happened to me again last night. im wondering if its the type of condoms im using?? im using durex ultra or some ****, anyways im gonna try different ones tonight and see what happens...i can get hard until i put the condom on, and i hate condoms but i know if she wants to have unprotected sex... anyways, why is it so hard to get really hard when im about to enter her, yet when im by myself and masturbate its no problem at all..

 
Old 02-26-2006, 01:43 AM   #8
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Re: First sex for a year and was terrible!!

I dunno man. It sure does suck going soft though when you most need it!! For me i think its been a while and I want it so much and worried about if i will get a good erection that kills me. Im seeing my girl again in a few days and god I hope everythings ok. Hope everything works out for u!

-Rick-

 
Old 03-05-2006, 03:16 AM   #9
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dirkson4 HB User
Re: First sex for a year and was terrible!!

Im so relieved. Ive had great sex with my gf this week three times. Had hard erections and reached orgasm all three times . All my problems were in my mind after all it seems. Hope things have worked out for you other guys aswell

-Rick-

 
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