my boyfriend had not had sex in the 5 years previous to our relationship. (no, he's not ugly!) And, he thinks male masturbation is "gay," so he does not do that. he is now 23. we started having sex 2 months ago, though, and he still has no stamina at all. we'll have sex daily, for maybe a minute or two, and then he's done. he says he can't control it. he's so frustrated, and i am being very patient with this "problem." is it his lack of experience? or, is it all mental? could it be that he is depressed? he also says that he's not hungry much, (if that helps at all). I should also add that he does sometimes masturbate to try and benefit our sex life, to last longer, but that doesn't even work all the time.
please, inform me of what to tell him, how to help him, and what this could be.
all the best to everyone,
Last edited by requiemforadream; 03-10-2006 at 10:00 AM.
I'm the same way. Just 30 seconds is not uncommon for me!!! Some guys say they can control it, I simply cannot! What sometimes helps a bit is if I masturbate about 30 minutes before sex. Maybe then I can last 2 minutes??
What helps is oral sex as part of foreplay. Without the oral she gets nothing out of it (intercourse). Also, my penis is small which doesn't help the situation either.
I've been afraid of trying any of those desensitizing creams cuz sometimes I lose my erection during oral. So I'm afraid if I lose it with that cream, I won't be able to get it back up!
I assume when you say he is done after 1 or 2 minutes you mean he has prematurely ejaculated. If so this is not an uncommon problem, especially for young men and inexperienced men. I never had that problem so I can't really adivse but I'm sure if you search this forum it must be discussed. Look for "premature ejaculation" or search on the web for that phrase. I think there are exercises he can do to improve his ability to hold off orgasm but I'm not familiar with them. Hopefully someone who knows will post.
Because he had a peculiar attitude towards masturbation, he didn't do it. Masturbation is practice for sex. It is a way to get to know your body, and how it feels and responds. He doesn't know his body. He hasn't given himself permission to learn how it works, its tolerances, or how it prepares to ejaculate. He can't read the signs.
Perhaps you can help him to learn his body. Masturbation can't be gay, even in his mind, if a woman is doing it to him. He needs to learn how to enjoy himself, and when to back off when he is getting too close, and wants to last. Watching his face and listening to his breathing might give you the clues you need to help him learn control.
Does he go full force the whole time? If so, then I understand why he isn't lasting long. He needs to change it up. Speed up and slow down throughout the session. Also change positions. Those two things should help greatly. If he is feeling close, he should stop thrusting and just rest for a few seconds.
i'm having the same problem with my boyfriend. 3 minutes is a long time for him. during the beginning of our relationship it wasn't like this. after about 3 months into the relationship the '1, 2, or 3 minute thing' started happening. i've gotten fed up and now i never even want to have sex anymore. we haven't done it in a couple weeks now.