Hi everyone, I am 20 years old and I have an issue I need help with. I am a virgin, although I dated a girl for a year and a half. She was also a virgin. At first I had problems getting an erection because I was shy, nervous, etc. From there on out I had an off night here and there but I was pretty sexually charged and could get erections for when we had foreplay or oral sex. Perhaps I even felt a little more confident because she was inexperienced and I wasn't as nervous. When we decided to penetrate once or twice I would soften up, again i think from nerves, but eventually I stayed hard enough to get inside of her, although we didnt go all the way because it hurt her a lot.
Her and I broke up, both as virgins. I have started seeing an old girlfriend of mine. She does not know I am a virgin because I feel it more comfortable that way. Well she visited me at school and that weekend I wasnt feeling well so my sex drive was low and I couldnt stay hard when it came time for her pants to come off and do the job. I orally pleased her but it stil was frustrating. That whole week my sex drive was low, probably from embarrassment. The next weekend we saw each other and the same thing happened. got hard while making out and such but when her pants came off I went soft. She would joke with me but she cares about me and truly felt bad and was understanding. She is pretty well experienced sexually and I don't know if it's me thinking that i won't please her, or just nerves killing me or whatever.
This whole week for spring break I was home but she was on her period. We would dry hump and I was pretty horny this week, when dry humping or orally doing stuff I stayed hard and really wanted to have sex. The other night we were dry humping like wild and she said "Let's have sex for real" and told me her period was done. She rolled over and took her pants off and as horny as I was and ready to have sex, it seemed as soon as I found out her period was done and we could have sex I went soft again. I gave her oral for like 20 minutes and rubbed her and she was never more ready to go but once again, I wasn't. I told her I think it's because I'm nervous and she understood and said maybe next time and I felt so bad leaving her like that. Please anyone help me, it truly sounds to me like I'm far too nervous and I don't think it's ED or anything but why do I know she is understanding and wont judge me yet I am still not staying hard to penetrate her, even if a minute before I am hard as a rock? I don't get it and need answers fast, by this weekend even.
i don't know of a way to calm your nerves. i used to be a nervous person when it came to sex but i eventually out grew it. all i can think of is that maybe you can get to a doctor to try some medication that may keep you erect. like viagra.
Viagra? At 20 years of age? When I get hard erections but just op out when it is time to actually have sex? I really thought this was a mental problem that wouldn't require drugs, especially considering by this weekend I wanted to work it out because we will probably try again. If anyone has a second opinion and think it may just be nerves and have advice for me I would greatly appreciate it.
Being flippant will not encourage people to answer your questions, be patient and polite. Perhaps it is your attitude causing your erection to go away?
However, reading your post again, and after other comments if it is just in your head then you might do well using a dose or two of viagra to get you over that stumbling block! Dont go for a big dose, take it about 5 or 10 minutes before it is likely that you will have intercourse. Even if you have one just before, you will be surprised how you feel - it will give your mind a boost and you will not be so concerned about staying hard.
If you can successfully have intercourse with this girl once or twice and it all goes well you can then try with half the does, then none!
It is quite normal to be nervous about it, and you will get over it if you dont let it become a huge stumbling block that just gets in the way for you. So dont dismiss using something like viagra to get you over the first hurdle!
It could help if you try it on your own to get used to the effects, but do not use it too often or you will end up relying on it and that will have had the opposite effect than the one you want.
I would be willing to try viagra but I would have to make an appointment with a doctor and go through some unwanted hassle so I have to agree with aurelius and ask you spunk, is there any way we could obtain some over the counter stuff thats similar, or even like a free sample of viagra to try out?
OS25 if you are so sure I don't need it then can you explain what I should do to get around my problem. I am very attracted to the girl, I get erections normally just not when I am about to enter her, and I want to have sex but this is starting to get frustrating.
Lostboy relax I swear, I know this sort of thing is extremely common for firsttime sex or if its been a while between drinks. It happened to me when i was 18 (now 22) exactly what your saying. Was always hard but would soften up when about to penetrate. Also happened last month because I was with a new partner and had been a while. i think you'd be surprised how common this sort of thing is.
Try this ok. Dont plan to have sex. Just spend intimate times with her until you are really comfortable and it will just happen. If you plan to or feel pressured that you have to perform I think this might be your downfall. Also does she know your a virgin? If not I would come clean and tell her you are. She wouldnt care and it would make her more understanding why your having these problems and take some stress of you i think.
Once I penetrated the first time after a few attempts everything was fine there after and Im sure it will be the same for you.
I already told her I wasn't a virgin because as understanding as she is I wouldn't like to share that with her. At least you feel it is just nerves and I need to relax and hopefully I can. I just get so let down because we get so into it and she gets so ready then I soften up and it is killing me! Hopefully we will try this weekend because soon I fear she will grow tired of it.
Look alright I hope It goes well this weekend but I feel you might be setting yourself up for failure again, just the emphasis you seem to be placing on this. Just dont give a **** about sex. Tell yourself you dont care and it isnt that important. How long you been dating this girl? not long i figure. If she actually likes you then she wouldnt dump you over something so trivial. The problem only exists in your mind and you have to realise this.The more you think about ' will i get it up' the less likely you will. I know this because Ive through everything you've been saying. I know its easier said then done when the moment arrives but just be strong. Your the man remember that, and shes lucky to be with you!