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Old 03-13-2006, 10:58 AM   #1
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Inquiring About Sex In A Relationship From A Guy's Perspective

Okay, just need your point of view on this:

I'm 29 years old, with very little experience on this. Due to cultural/family pressures, and some self consiousness, I have decided to abstain from sexual relations. I'm very pretty, intelligent, with a healthy fit body. I am now at the point in my life where I'm interested in settling down, having children and just be happily married.

However, here's the deal. I am casually talking to guys, being part of the social circle, - just getting out. But I'm concerned about one thing - I do not intend to have sex when in a relationship, and I do not know how to approach this, should the time near soon. I do not even intend on having oral sex, as I find this just very unnatural and utterly disgusting. I'm sorry. And I know I'll never change my mind.

How would I guy deal with this? I love displays of affection and emotion, and I just want to experience love - the old fashion way. I would never force the guy to marry me, and I could never see myself being clingy and calling him 12 times a day. I hate when my friends do that to their boyfriends!

But I think I will feel extremely guilty by not making love. And I'm thinking I'll constantly stress over the fact of "is he getting it some where else?" "Is he cheating?" - things like this. I would not ask him this, but it will always be on my mind.

I intend to respect him, absolutely remain committed in a relationship and show my affection. But not give into sex. I know eventually I will give into it after getting engaged, but then after having thought about it very much.

I've been told by guy friends that the guy will be the luckiest guy to be with me, however some told me to not really think about it too much! I just can't help it.

I want to remain a virgin for my husband or husband to be. This one guy, who seems interesting - we share many things in common and we are both attracted to each other, however, he has indicated to me that he has been dating a lot and has not found the one yet. This tells me that he has been VERY sexually active, and I think I am turned off by this. He said he was being honest in saying that sex is a big part in a relationship. I really don't know what to tell him, but let's see what time will tell.

So guys, would you want a girlfriend like me, or should I expect a guy to not bother with me after telling him "no" to sex?

 
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Old 03-13-2006, 11:38 AM   #2
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Re: Inquiring About Sex In A Relationship From A Guy's Perspective

In answer to your question, would I want a girl friend like you, yes indeed; in fact I've been married to such a lady for years.

 
Old 03-13-2006, 01:35 PM   #3
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Re: Inquiring About Sex In A Relationship From A Guy's Perspective

well about your question. I was my girlfriends first person. we have been goin out for nearly two years. But the answer to your question is YES. If the guy really likes/loves you he would wait till the end of the world for u to be ready. so i look at it as a way to see how much your man likes/loves you. if he waits till marriage then good. but i wouldn't worry bout it. if me and my girlfriend hadn't slept together we would still be together. a relationship i about connecting not about sex. i fell in love with my woman b4 we slept together and i would wait as long as needed. ohh yeah and i intend to marry my woman too.

 
Old 03-13-2006, 02:32 PM   #4
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Smile Re: Inquiring About Sex In A Relationship From A Guy's Perspective

Girl, please, keep your diamond, and give it to only your husband. Everyone cannot afford a diamond and so many times women find themselves giving it to anyone, they abuse it and misuse it, so treasure yours. Put a value it. Your husband will honor you and love you for this. My girlfriend has been married for 27 years, her husband was a virgin. She was 20. (She has two daughters, 25, 22 both are virgins) I think it is great that you are still a virgin, and you would definetly be an inspiriation for are young teenagers who are so anxious to have sex. I am in a church where alot of our young ladies are still virgins. Men will appreciate you for standing up for what you believe, girl you will be a challenge for the Hunter. My hope is that THE man will find you and be the best husband ever.

 
Old 03-13-2006, 03:06 PM   #5
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Re: Inquiring About Sex In A Relationship From A Guy's Perspective

Thank you all for the compliments, and Shanlo, I haven't heard of it referred to as a"diamond" but thank you! And for making me smile as well

I cannot speak this openly w/ my mother, as she is very "old-school" and would not want to hear anything about sex! We're Greek; tradition, morales mean everything.

However, I was not seeking compliments - just the "other" side of the issue. And I know many guys will turn me down; but they won't be worth my time. I just wanted some advice as to how to deal with the pressure, and how I can tell my guy to deal with the pressure. But like you guys said, if he'll love me he'll wait until I'm ready.

And of course I look forward to it! I'm sure it's wonderful. I just want it to be with "the one" who will think I'll be "the one" forever. I especially can't wait to have children, so I'm just wanting this to happen soon. I just hope my fear will not prevent me from meeting him. I have to be more self-assured. I guess my minor speech impediment, and my nervousness because of it, has prevented many experiences of life. I just have to hope I'll stop this dumb mentality now!

 
Old 03-13-2006, 05:33 PM   #6
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Re: Inquiring About Sex In A Relationship From A Guy's Perspective

How long have you been with him? It's no secret that sex is important to men. But I think that's a seperate issue from whether or not hes cheating, thats about trust. I say take it slow.. but don't feel obligated to do anything you really don't want to.

 
Old 03-14-2006, 02:33 AM   #7
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Re: Inquiring About Sex In A Relationship From A Guy's Perspective

I have to say that I give you a lot of respect for being who you are. Its VERY hard to not want to give in. I told myself that I wanted to wait until I at least got engaged to the man I loved...but it didn't happen unfortunately. I did wait until I was 21 to give it up though. And I'm 23 now. I actually have a friend who is feeling the same way and how wants to just give it to the one man that deserves ALL her love. She's very sure of herself and doesnt want to waste her time in petty little games with the immature ones who arent ready to settle down. That's great that you want that too. I'll say that it is difficult though with the whole "waiting" factor. A lot of guys want sex and then they'll think about if they want to be with you. That's tough. A lot of guys definitely look at you as marriage material. Cause that is what you are. The man who cares about you so much will wait for you. I believe in that. I believe the right man will respect you and wont leave you for not having sex with him. Men think about marriage too...its just a matter of what phase they are in their lives.

 
Old 03-14-2006, 05:05 AM   #8
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Re: Inquiring About Sex In A Relationship From A Guy's Perspective

Based on the information that you have provided To be honest and not be mean the answer to your question my answer is no I wouldnt want to be with a woman of your type. The main reason is that. You seem like the type that will jump to conclusions and accuse him for cheating even if he isnt. By not having sex you will assume he is getting it other places. You are the one who admitted it may happen. To me the virginity of a woman isnt important, its a woman that can trust me as well as one that I can trust that is most important.

Last edited by wildcat66; 03-14-2006 at 05:20 AM.

 
Old 03-14-2006, 09:00 AM   #9
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Re: Inquiring About Sex In A Relationship From A Guy's Perspective

Quote:
Originally Posted by wildcat66
The main reason is that. You seem like the type that will jump to conclusions and accuse him for cheating even if he isnt. By not having sex you will assume he is getting it other places. You are the one who admitted it may happen.
What I said was that by not giving into sex, it would be in the back of my mind, that "what if" feeling. However, I said I would not verbalize this to him. I would only feel that way because I can only understand how important sex is to men. But for God's sake, you are not animals, so there should be some self-control! (joke).

The truth is, is that I cannot really know how it will be like until I'm in the actual situation. So, I am only assuming at the moment. But I could only think that if a guy will agree with me, and appreciate my feelings, he will understand where I'm coming from. It's all about mutual understanding.

 
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