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Old 03-18-2006, 04:16 AM   #1
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Join Date: Mar 2006
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somerlass HB User
Question No sex drive ?

Hi,
I'm new to these boards and have a problem that I need some advice with. My partner and I have been together for almost a year, friends for a few years before. In 12 months we have had sex about 3 times. We live together.
I knew before we got together that my partner had lalmost no sex drive. He is impotent - we think from years of heavy drug abuse and being messed about in relationships.
He seems to have this mental block about sex and even gentle kissing can lead him to pull away from me - just that has resulted in him bursting into floods of tears with frustration. Last night we were talking about sex and he said he was almost at a point with it where he felt like he really didn't want to have sex anymore. It is causing him so much frustration and he refuses to take viagra as he says he would rather have no sex than rely on drugs for a sex life.
Despite the fact my partner has said he wouldn't have a problem with me getting sex elsewhere I love him very very much and if he really doesn't want to have sex for the rest of his life I would rather that, than turn elsewhere for sex. The doctors don't seem to be taking us seriously, my partner doesn't want us to go together as a couple though but the only way the doctors have said to fix the problem is to use viagra.
This whole problem is psychological I think and I am hurting big time that my partner is at a point of giving up even trying to have an intimate relationship with me. Don't get me wrong , our relationship is as solid as a rock in every other area. But sex is an important part of any relationship and whilst I am quite content to have my own little sex life with myself, it hurts me that my partner doesn't even feel he can be part of that.
I really need some advice. What options are open to us? We spoke last night alot about this and I told him I am not ever going to stop trying and he said the same thing . He is bi-polar depressive an going through a down point at the moment and I just really need some re-assurance from a stranger that there are other couple's out there going through the same problems.
See my partner doesn't even have horny thoughts - he sits there trying to - he's been trying so hard but that just causes him even more frustration. I try hard not to put him under any pressure and would so love for him to get past the mental block about performing so that we could enjoy one another physically. I think we should both go to the doctors together but my partner is stuck on this thought "what if I never want to have sex again?" Can anyone help me with some advice ? Anyone been through this or going through this ? Is there anything we should be saying to the doctors or any treatment we should be asking for ? My partner, I think, is finding it incredibly hard to come to terms with the fact that he may never be able to get an erection just with his own mind ever again and seems to be very unenthusiastic about viagra (we have one downstairs but he is scared by it) or even anything else for that matter.
I feel really low today, I know he loves me very very much and am so sad to think that we may never have a sex life with one another. Today I am thinking that life is really **** and what have I done to deserve the most beautiful, loving, close relationship that has no physical intimacy with it? Yeah - I am feeliing sorry for myself and I know I am entitled to but I need to stop it as it acheives nothing.
Thankyou if you have read thus far, I don't really have anyone other than my partner to talk to about all this. I have spoken to my mum as my Dad suffers ED but she doesn't really understand the bit about having no sex drive. My dad has never lost that - my partner totally has lost his sex drive.
Thanks in advance of any advice.
somerlass

 
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