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Old 06-06-2006, 10:28 AM   #1
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Meggan87 HB User
Question !!Please Help!!

Hey guys I have a question about my boyfriend. We were in the middle of sex last night and we switched psitions, I got on top. After about 5 minutes of me being on top I stopped to turn the fan off wich took no more then 10 seconds and i went to get back on my boyfriend and he no longer had an erection?! He said "suck it for a little" and I looked up at him, the whole time feeling so....unsure of myself. I gave him a look and all he said was "dont even start to huff and puff" What the hell is going on?!?! I'll give you guys some more facts about us maybe it will help. First of all this is NOT the first time this has happened. I am 18 years old my boyfriend is 27. We have been dating for a year, but have been "friends with benifits" for about 3. I am not a ugly person at all, I'm actually very attractive (not to sound concieted) but I get hit on all the time and there are alot of men who want me. So i just cant figure out what the problem is. Could it be that he is cheating on me? Ive asked him if he is still attracted to me and he says yes he is.I've also ask if he is or has cheated and he says no but what guy would actually admit to it.So i just dont know whats going on.Is this common or normal? What could be causing this?
I know this may seem stupid but honestly this has ruined sex for me. I dont even want to have sex with him anymore because I am so worried about him not being turned on by me or thinking of other women just to get aroused. So all the help anyone can give will be very much appreciated!!!!
Also this question may be stupid but what do guys usually think about during sex....Honestly.
Thank you so much for whatever help your willing to give me.
Megan

 
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Old 06-06-2006, 11:25 AM   #2
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humanrain120 HB User
Re: !!Please Help!!

. . . . . . . . . .

Last edited by humanrain120; 01-10-2007 at 06:45 PM.

 
Old 06-06-2006, 11:48 AM   #3
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StenoLady1 HB UserStenoLady1 HB User
Re: !!Please Help!!

I think this is pretty common with guys. I definitely don't think it's you.

I know sometimes doing oral on my hubby, I'll get a bit cotton-mouthed and have to stop, roll over on the bed, step over the dogs and find my water bottle, drink, step back over dogs, roll back on the bed and we're back to square one, i.e., not the erection he had when I rolled over. All of this takes about 10 seconds. Personally, I like the challenge

Something I've found with at least my guy, sometimes folks like a little variety during sex. It wasn't this way when I first met my hubby, but now after 15 years, in a two-hour span, we'll have massages, oral, penetration, more oral, more penetration, maybe some fuzzy handcuffs or bouncing on an exercise ball. Definitely keeps things interesting!

Best of Luck

 
Old 06-06-2006, 03:11 PM   #4
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Halls HB User
Re: !!Please Help!!

3 years? HUM......your 18 and he is 27. So, he started sleeping with you when he was 24 and you were 15??

I think you have something more to worry about than your boyfriends erections.

 
Old 06-07-2006, 12:38 PM   #5
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Angel77 HB User
Re: !!Please Help!!

I agree with Halls. I think he's using his age and experience to take advantage of you. It is wrong. You may think you're in love with this guy, but it sounds to me as if he's using you. That is quite an age difference...you see it later in life and it's no big deal, but that's because by the time you're in your mid to late 20's, you'll have learned quite a bit more about life than you do in your teenage years. And saying you were just friends with benefits at such a young age, IMO was his way of avoiding responsibility.

Do your parents or friends know about this situation? What's their take on this? I have a gut feeling, something is seriously wrong with this whole situation.

How does he treat you out of the bedroom? Is he a gentleman? Do you two live together? What's the relationship like other than in the bedroom?

Please tell me you're using protection with this guy...he doesn't sound like daddy material.

I don't mean to sound mean, but I'm just being honest.

Good luck, you're going to need it.
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Old 06-07-2006, 04:20 PM   #6
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plasva HB User
Re: !!Please Help!!

Him losing his erection is totally normal and has nothing to do with you and does NOT mean he is cheating. Some guys just lose it easily, especially as they approach 30 or as they get older.

Oral is the best way for him to get it again; that may be why he asked for it.
But he should have asked nicely.

Please make SURE you feel respected by him. If you don't feel he loves and respects you, it might be time to move on with your life and find someone who will make you feel loved.

 
Old 06-08-2006, 02:52 PM   #7
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Exclamation Re: !!Please Help!!

Hey well to answer the questions about him, yes we live together with my mother right now, we are currently looking for an apartment. He doesnt treat me that bad at all, he actually changed a lot for me. One thing I didnt mention though was that he was with a girl for 10 years he started cheating on her with me and then eventually she left him and we started dating....

 
Old 06-08-2006, 02:59 PM   #8
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Arrow Re: !!Please Help!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Angel77
I agree with Halls. I think he's using his age and experience to take advantage of you. It is wrong. You may think you're in love with this guy, but it sounds to me as if he's using you.And saying you were just friends with benefits at such a young age, IMO was his way of avoiding responsibility.
Do your parents or friends know about this situation? What's their take on this? I have a gut feeling, something is seriously wrong with this whole situation.
How does he treat you out of the bedroom? Is he a gentleman? Do you two live together? What's the relationship like other than in the bedroom?
Please tell me you're using protection with this guy...he doesn't sound like daddy material.
Avoiding responsability? what do you mean by that? We were friends with benefits because he had a girlfriend of like 10 years and he always went back to her but I've always loved him..Im not saying it wouldve been differant if he were single but maybe....And how could he be taking advantage of me? I dont really understand that, I mean we have been together for a year so doesnt that count for something? maybe he really does love me? Everyone in my life knows about this situation. We actually live with my mother. Some of my friends and family dont want me with him, but my close ones know how I feel and just let it be. He treats me a lot better now out of the bedroom then eer before. Im not using protection with him we actually were going to have a baby but I lost it in my 3rd month But he has told me he wants to have kids with me and would like to marry me once we get our life situated. He also already has a son....

 
Old 06-08-2006, 06:45 PM   #9
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Re: !!Please Help!!

What I meant by responsibility is that it is a lot of work to take care of someone else and when you don't have a set commitment it's easier to walk away. I'm not saying he would, I'm saying he could. There is a difference.

I am also not questioning whether or not he loves you, only you and him know that. It's possible for it to work, but there is so much more to it.

I was 17 when my husband and I got married and there's still a lot of growing up to do at that age....I'm still working on it and can honestly say that only the last couple of years have been "worth" it. Everything else was ten times harder and I believe a lot of that had to do with immaturity. I don't mean deliberate, but you can't know what you haven't experienced.

I also would recommend against deliberately trying to get pregnant. It is so hard raising a child at that age. You are still a 'baby' for lack of a better term. I can tell you from experience here. I was 17 when I had my first, and 24 when I had my second, and the difference that makes is so huge. If you want to marry him, be married first, live on your own together and see where it takes your relationship.

There's time for children, honey you are still young. And teens becoming pregnant is a high risk category for pregnancy....I was on bedrest with my first for 3 months and second for 4...much of the first was because of my age.

I don't want to be a downer and I know what I say may be upsetting, but it is not meant to degrade or dismiss you or your feelings, this is from experience and also attending a school for young mothers. Getting married these days, there's a high divorce rate, that goes through the roof the younger you are when you marry.

I am coming up on my 12th anniversary this month, so it is possible, but I'll tell you, my husband and I are a rare exception and it came with a price. It was worth it, but a lot more work than you can imagine.

I wish you the best of luck, I just want you to think it through logically, the heart can only tell you so much.
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Old 06-09-2006, 05:37 AM   #10
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tucker73 HB User
Re: !!Please Help!!

sheeeese!! it doesn't sound like he shows you much respect. if you're a "Hottie" that gets hit on all the time i wouldn't think you'd put up with that kind of treatment. There are a lot of guys out there that will appreciate you more and treat you better than that. ( i'm talking about the "huff & puff" thing. )

also, if he cheated on his other girl of ten years he will probably cheat on you too.

Last edited by tucker73; 06-09-2006 at 05:38 AM.

 
Old 06-10-2006, 08:49 PM   #11
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snice HB User
Re: !!Please Help!!

I know that some guys have some difficulty with that position. As long as everything is in motion, it's not a big deal, but as soon as things stop....things really, uh, stop. So, don't think it is because he doesn't think you are attractive. It's probably more likely to be the fact that he is 27 (roughly 9 years past the male sexual prime), has his mind on somthing else, and is lying in a position which doesn't distribute the blood flow in a "favorable" way. Also, if there was any alcohol involved, that might have contributed too.

The others have brought up few valid points that you should think about.

 
Old 06-11-2006, 08:58 AM   #12
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namehere2 HB User
Re: !!Please Help!!

I honestly don't know about your bf losing his erection-thing...but what the others say it true among several other issues as well. I wonder thgough if you should be "trying" to conceive especially since you are having issues. I was married at 21 and had our first child at 23...married him after my first 3 years of college. I hadn't had the chance to go and explore life and experience things on my own. I do regret that portion....but in retrospect, I have had the opportunity to do all of those things with him. We have a solid relationship...I have a twin sister who married the same year as me....to a man 12 years older...they marriage is not so hot. She thought having a baby to solidify things. He may have been older, but very much immature. He needed to grow up. They now have two children...and she's miserable and thinking about leaving him, with their two chidren in tow. She wanted someone to love her and they started off being sexual from day one. I guess you could call it friends with benefits. Don't make such life changing decisions until you sit and think things through. You'll know whats best for you. Don't let anyone tell you what to do....listen, then do what you need to do. Eighteen is young, but you're an adult...be responsible for yourself. The decisions you're facing are ones that WILL effect your way of life forever. I hope things work out...which ever direction you go. The most important person you need to worry about is yourself....if you don't then it's hard to move forward. Best of luck

 
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