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Old 06-22-2006, 07:14 PM   #1
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Unhappy Is it normal for a man to think....

Is it normal for a man to think of other women besides his wife, (mind you he is in a healthy loving marriage) when he masturbates?

I wish I would have never asked my husband if he thinks random thoughts about other women when pleasures himself cause I knew he'd tell me the truth and well, yeah the truth hurts. He said "yes he does, but the thinks of me too and he thinks I'm the best" Well....it is still hard to swallow, and right now we aren't having alot of sex casue we are expecting our 1st baby and he is afraid of hurting the baby. I told him he won't but he can't get it outta his head.

I've been struggling with the lack of intimacy we have been going through and things are hard for me. My husband is an honest guy and when I ask him questions, even if he thinks they are weird or questions women just don't ask, he is always trying to be honest w/me.

Well now I feel resentful towards him and I don't know what to do....can any of the males here (mainly the ones 30 or older) shed any light on this for me? My husband is 34 and I'm gonna be 30 in August.

Be gentle, I'm an emotional mess LOL
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Old 06-22-2006, 07:49 PM   #2
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Re: Is it normal for a man to think....

If you were likely not to like the answer you shouldnt have asked the question!

But, why cant he think of other women while masturbating? This is why all the glamourous women in the world are made into pin ups and cover girls, for mens gratification, especially if he isnt getting it from you. Mens needs are much more sexual and needy rather than womens cyclical emotive needs! Get over it and have you baby so you can both get back to your normal sex life (if thisis possible with a new born!) and dont worry about your man masturbating - Im sure you would rather he did this than found another woman?

Edit - Sorry, I wasnt very gentle!

Last edited by SpunkyStuart; 06-22-2006 at 07:50 PM.

 
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Old 06-23-2006, 08:55 AM   #3
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Re: Is it normal for a man to think....

well he is the one that doesn't want the sex, not me......you diudn't have to be so mean.
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Old 06-23-2006, 02:23 PM   #4
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Re: Is it normal for a man to think....

i wonder if the above poster thinks it's okay for his wife/girlfriend to think of other men while she masturbates???

 
Old 06-23-2006, 05:09 PM   #5
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Re: Is it normal for a man to think....

I think it is normal for men to think of others, but not so normal that they will admit it. Sometimes being honest like that equates to be insensitive.

Still, he should not be denying you in your time of need while he gets off, regardless of who he is thinking of. Some men have no trouble having sex with their pregnant wives, others just think it is wrong. Maybe you can give him oral and have him give you oral or manual - no worry about hurting the baby that way (not that intercourse will hurt the baby either, as it won't - unless the OB says you can't for medical reasons).

Tell your husband you need some imtimacy with him and that him doing it by himself hurts you as you want to share in some sexual pleasure. Don't bring up his fantasies, as the main issue here is his lack of closeness to you at this important time in your life.

 
Old 06-23-2006, 07:22 PM   #6
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Re: Is it normal for a man to think....

Well, it sounds like you really have two issues at play here. The first one is that you are pregnant (and I'm guessing hormonal and sensitive because of it) and you are feeling extra sensitive because of the fact that your husband doesn't seem to have much sexual interest in you right now. This is compounded by the fact that he just admitted to you that, instead of having sex with you, he is masturbating and thinking of other women.

OK, let's take the easy one first (and just so you know, I'm right around his age and in a totally committed relationship). Men think about other women all the time. To a man, it is no big deal. For example, the last time the two of you went grocery shopping together, in his mind, he had sex with the lady in line in front of you, the clean up girl in aisle 15, the check out girl, the girl on the cover of cosmo, his 7th grade teacher, his ex-girlfriend's roommate, and you (and probably your naughty nymphomaniac twin) - all between the time he put the milk on the conveyor belt and when he pushed the cart out of the store.

It is our nature to think like this. It is also our nature to forget all about it three minutes later because it really doesn't mean anything to us.

Now, for the more difficult parts......

First, I'm wondering about your self-image. I'm wondering if you would have been as hurt about this new information about his "habits" if you weren't pregnant and felt more sexually attractive.

Next, he won't hurt the baby. Now, either he really is worried about this (in which case he should just think about how many people would be walking around with dented-in heads if this were a real problem), or he's worried about your emotional state (and just doesn't know quite how to deal with it), or he just doesn't find pregnant women attractive.

If it is the latter, don't worry, it's not YOU he's not attracted to, it's the pregnancy he's not attracted to. Think about this in a very practical, male, caveman sense. A prehistoric male's biological job is to go out an find women to impregnate - preferrably as many as possible. If one is currently pregnant then he's either done his job or somebody's beaten him to it. Either way, he'll have to wait it out until the pregnancy is over. So, that's my theory....somewhere in the back of prehistoric man-brain he's thinking "well, your work here is done - at least for the next nine months".

Personally, I don't find pregnant women sexually attractive either. Sorry. Some guys do, some guys even have a fetish for it. But, I think it is normal for your husband to not be that interested at the moment.

As for the masturbating and thinking about every female under the sun. He's been doing it since he was 13 and he'll do it until he dies. That doesn't mean he doesn't love you, it doesn't mean he isn't totally committed to you. It's just his temporary fix while you are pregnant.

Now, if you have the baby and get back into shape and he's still acting this way, then we'll have a different talk. But I don't think this will happen.

 
Old 06-24-2006, 09:27 PM   #7
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Re: Is it normal for a man to think....

Sorry...some of what was posted seem like a lot of bull. I'm 30..have had two girls...when I was pregnant my husband and I still had amazing sex. To dump your "emotions and resentment" on your pregnancy seem ludicris. I would have had those same feelings today...and no I'm not pregnant. Men are visual beings...but so are women. your original post made me think of this saying I saw ..."Why is that men want EVERY WOMAN to satisfy his one need and Women want ONE MAN to satisfy her every need?" I honestly don't have any advice or encouraging words to say...but I just though it was a bunch of horse hockey to chuck your feelings up to pregnancy...they are genuine..regardless if your pregnant, cycling or otherwise.

 
Old 06-26-2006, 12:39 PM   #8
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Unhappy Re: Is it normal for a man to think....

Hello, and thanks for the responses and thoughts.

I might mention that my husband never admitted this in the past, thinking of other women, but I knew that he did and I guess this last time I asked him I did tell him to be brutally honest with me and he was...obviously. I just thought I wouldn't care, but now I do.

namehere2, I'm not dumping my emotions on my pregnancy I am just saying I may be overly emotionally due to the added hormones, however this would all still bug me even if I weren't pregnant.

snice...my husband didn't tell me he is mast. on a regular basis, in fact he told me he isn't. He has some issues w/his diabeties and that is part of the problem....along with the fact that he says he's never been much of a sexual guy as far as mast. everyday. True or not, I have no way of knowing FOR SURE.

The other thing is, that he is VERY TICKLISH down there and everytime I try to touch him he is laughing, (which sort of ruins the mood). He isn't circumsized and he's had a lot of problems with rashes and stuff. He has to clean himself often......and he complains that he is small....so there is a lot more to it then just this...

but the issue at hand for me is that I'm thinking now constantly how he is having all these thoughts about other women. I even think that at some point I'm OVERLY thinking the thoughts he is having and making it all seem worse then it is.....like one of you said, the thoughts are forgotten fairly quickly.

Just from a woman's perspective, IT SUCKS and I don't know if I'll ever understand his need to do that.
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Old 06-26-2006, 01:51 PM   #9
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Re: Is it normal for a man to think....

Ok.. ok.. So, men are visual creatures... they have sex with 30 people in their mind while shopping, etc. Got it. Let's turn this around.

What if you were married to a women like this? A women who has a libido that matches an 18 year old boys and could walk into a grocery store and do the same thing? How then men, would this make you feel? Would you want to know if your girl friend or wife was masturbating and thinking of other men?

None of this is meant hateful, I'm just curious. Pick a mans brain, other than my husbands.

 
Old 06-26-2006, 01:53 PM   #10
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Re: Is it normal for a man to think....

As hard as it may be, what snice says is true. Men think about sex all the time, and sex with other women. etc. But, the good news is that your hubby said you're the best, and that's all that matters, and thats all you have to know! It sounds like he is committed to you and that he loves you. The rest of it is just nature -- a man's animal instinct is to sleep with as many women as possible so he can " spread his seed around" -- you know, get his genes out there, survival of the fittest type instinct. Think of it as biology or science. I would say this is so extremely common and wouldn't worry about him cheating just because of this. It may be hard to come to terms with, but thats why we usually don't discuss these sort of things. At least he is honest with you -- think of all the guys who lie about this sort of thing!

 
Old 06-27-2006, 03:44 AM   #11
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Re: Is it normal for a man to think....

Your husband is being honest. How many men give their partner an honest answer when questioned about something of this nature? Majority of males will tell their partner what they think their partner wants to hear and the answer which will get them into the least amount of hot water.

 
Old 06-27-2006, 11:57 AM   #12
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Well personally I think guys will continue "defending" the way they think about women and trying to explain how it is SO RIGHT...and, well......I say whatever....cause as a women it feels pretty much wrong, and it feels like guys disrespect women the way they think about them and fantasize about other women when they have a woman of their own....and are supposedly SO HAPPY.......

I say cut the crap........I just am really bitter about all of it.

You can sit there and tell me how going to strip joints isn't cheating, and how men that are in committed relationships should still be able to fantasize about ex girlfriends, strippers, or other women of the sorts while they masturbate....and I think its a bunch of bull.

Yes I asked my husband for the truth, and yes he told me the truth (to some extent) but as a woman, NO MAN will ever know how it feels to be on the receiving end of it...so you guys can be all macho and act like there is nothing wrong with it and it is no big deal...but at some point you might want to put yourself in our shoes.......we are the ones being crapped on because men plain just disrepsect women when it comes to this stuff....you think you can do anything you want and act like it isn't hurting someone and that its alright.....so be it!

I think its a bunch of malarky.
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Last edited by Mod-S4; 06-27-2006 at 07:43 PM. Reason: Terminology.

 
Old 06-27-2006, 01:04 PM   #13
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Re: Is it normal for a man to think....

I asked my husband about the whole men looking at other women and thinking about them while masturbating thing and he had this to say...

It is normal for men to notice other women, ie. finding them attractive. Women do this to other men. It's normal. But, if you're finding yourself actually masturbating while thinking of other women then there's a deeper problem.

I'm not saying that is the case with you and your husband, but for the sanity of a healthy pregnancy, I would definatly make sure you express to him how much this is bothering you then get you guys some counseling before that baby comes.

Even though your pregnant and he doesn't find that attractive, he should still love you and want to keep you satisfied. Especially, since his baby is growing inside of you! He has some issues that need to get worked out and it needs to get done before the baby arrives or a lot of resentment and negativity can only come of this.

This is all only my opinion. Do with it what you may. I wish you luck and happiness and a very healthy and happy baby!

 
Old 06-29-2006, 12:10 PM   #14
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Re: Is it normal for a man to think....

Well I seriously don't think that he ONLY thinks of other women and never thinks of me, but seriously do believe that he thinks random thoughts of women and sex, who those women are, I have no clue but he claims to still think of me too.

I guess there is NO WAY to ever really know, I can't be inside his brain.
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Old 06-29-2006, 01:46 PM   #15
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Re: Is it normal for a man to think....

This may be a little off topic but is related to a line in your post. Why are and hubby not having sex if you aren't due for 2 more months. With our first child my wife asked her Dr when we should stop having sex? He replied on the way to the hospital, laughed and said stop worrying.

 
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