DH has his first urologist appointment in a couple weeks, specifically a consult for a vasectomy. We're in our mid 30s and DO NOT want children. The pill destroyed my libido for years, so anything hormonal won't work on my end. The non-hormonal IUD is contraindicated for me as I haven't had kids and my periods can be heavy.
My question is twofold: First, any words of wisdom, advice or suggestions for his consult on the vasectomy? I understand he will really have to insist being that he's in his 30s and hasn't had kids. We've talked about it at length over the years, and he always says even if I were to die tomorrow and he were to meet someone new, his feelings for children wouldn't change.
My next question is a little different, but still pertains to his urology appointment. DH & I had gone about eight years with little to no sex. I went off the pill earlier this year, and my libido is back full force. I'm pouncing on him if we've gone more than two days without. He's very happy about this, but sometimes it takes him about an hour to orgasm. He tells me he no longer masturbates (unless it's my time of the month), which it wouldn't bother me if he did, and he knows this. He has to wear a condom for vaginal intercourse, which makes him limp in a matter of seconds. While I love anal, he's terribly afraid of hurting me, and that causes him to go limp, too.
This leaves us with oral -- which is perfectly, perfectly heavenly. Even during our dating years ('91 through '98), we've always loved oral. I just don't remember it taking 30 to 60 minutes for him to orgasm. Nowadays, he'll often want to go a second time, too, and my jaw is killing me after two hours of oral. I've shared with him my idea of a "perfect" day is after winning Lotto so we don't have to worry with careers and bills, and performing oral on him all day. While I truly love it, I do need some Tylenol to help my jaw pain after a couple rounds, and I worry that something might be physically wrong.
We talk, talk, talk about everything. We both wonder if masturbation for so long has sort of desensitized him. We also wonder if maybe he should get his hormones checked -- although we're not sure if hormones would do this. He doesn't have a problem maintaining an erection, I suppose. During the course of one of our "hours," he'll vary from rock hard erect to pretty hard to semi-hard, back to rock hard, etc. He's very vocal about what he likes, and he assures me what I do is good, i.e., no teeth, good suction, involving other fetishes he likes.
Do y'all think he needs to bring this up with the urologist? If so, what can he/we expect?
Please feel free to ask questions if I've been unclear
I had a vasectomy 10 years ago, while it is not the most pleasent thing to go through it was well worth it. I have had no ill effects and everything works just fine. It hurt like hell for a day and had some swelling and bruising but it went away in a few days.
The oral thing is a tuffy, I applaude you for giving oral for hours (clap,clap). I do not think years of masterbation would cause this. I give my wife oral till she cannot stand to be touched there anymore and by that time I am ready to bust, I have never had an issue with this. While not giving a how too usually while going down on her I tend to pleasure myself while doing her. Not sure what your skill level is but a combo of hand mouth or deep throat will do it evey time. I do not however think its a urology problem. The only time I have trouble with that is if I have had to many drinks. That seems to have a numbing effect for me.
Yes, I'm trying to avoid how-to's or TMI here, myself.
Thanks for your words on the vasectomy. He's more nervous about being naked in front of strangers than anything else. I'm trying to be sympathetic, but it's hard. Women go through this type of stuff yearly at least, often with painful procedures with no anesthetic, procedures that are described to us as feeling a "pinch." Yeah, right, "pinch," as they're scraping a chunk of my cervix off to send to a lab. They make joke, lol.
Yeah, the oral thing is a tuffy for us, too. I *think* I'm pretty skilled. We watch porn, and I love reading erotica. Deep-throating and hand/mouth combo is always done. He's pretty good about telling me if something's off, like if he's laying in a position that isn't doing it or "do that," "do this." We've also talked out of the bedroom about anything I should be doing that I'm not or vice versa, and he tells me not to change a thing. We're very uninhibited. Pretty much anything goes as long as it doesn't involve others, and we don't have trouble communicating.
Funny you should mention alcohol. I definitely notice a difference with duration. Sometimes, tho, we (both of us) just aren't in the mood without a couple drinks to take the edge off. We'll work on that and play around with quantity of alco-beverages.
After reading through old posts trying to find a solution/suggestions, I suppose things could be worse. DH doesn't seem to mind our "endless" sessions, since his talk around the water cooler with the guys is generally the opposite. Most of his colleagues are worried and taking meds to help them last longer than a few minutes or even maintain an erection at all. I guess I should be careful what I wish for?
Yah I guess it could be alot worse, I have never had that quick trigger even as a teenager. If masterbation caused desencitzing I would have no feeling from toes to my neck haha
Tell your husband that they will give him a valuim and he will not care who is seeing his stuff, while I was getting mine done all the nurses were commenting on the interesting shave job my wife had given me, guess it would be described as a hitler look lol, I didn't care. The initial numbing shot hurt but after that it was not too bad, of course they had to break out the bolt cutters for me lol
Last edited by Mod-S4; 07-05-2006 at 08:08 PM.
Reason: Unnecessary info deleted.
Well its ok to chuckle now but had they chuckled during that might have made a difference. Do you know why your husband is so intimidated by someone checking his package so to speak
One thing I did not do is the post swim count. The clinic I got mine done at only checked the samples one day a week. I did the deed that morning and rushed my little sample up to the clinic and went to hand it to the young girl at the counter and she said we only do that on Tuesdays I felt so rejected I could not even give my semen away. I don't deal with rejection too well, I never ended up going back and having them checked to see if the vas worked. I guess its like rolling the dice
Oh yah my wife was very happy when I got this done, she said this was much easier then swallowing those condoms hahahaha
Last edited by Rangerboat; 07-05-2006 at 11:42 AM.
He's just very shy, even with me. I think it has to do with his upbringing, strict Catholic school, "Leave it to Beaver" parents who never, ever discussed sex with him or really taught him anything about his body. Since he was a very small child -- too young to remember -- I've been the only one to see him naked. You'd think he'd be nervous about the procedure, the bruising after, the list of scary potential side effects, the needle, but no...it's a stranger seeing him naked
He's got a great body, too! Coming from someone who was raised by a '60s hippy nudist, I honestly don't think he needs to worry
Ooooh, I'll pass along the info about what days to bring the sample. Never even thought about that. I'd feel safer knowing the procedure "took."
He asked me yesterday to pose these questions to my "sex health forum friends," lol.