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trouble climaxing with another person...

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Old 07-27-2006, 12:04 PM   #1
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trouble climaxing with another person...

alright heres the deal i cannot reach an orgasm with another person, my girlfriend likes that i can last light years but gets discouraged that i cant seem to get off with her, or any other woman ive ever had sex with for that matter. she gets like this complex that she isnt good enough and its kind of a bummer. its not like she is loose she is actually quite tight, and i havent been wearing a condom and we will have sex for anywhere from 1/2 hour to an 1 1/2 hrs vigorisly(sp?), she has 2-3 orgasms everytime and i get nothing, iis it something mental, i can get off in 10 minutes or so with masterbation, but with her, or any other girl... nada. what can i do?

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Old 05-19-2007, 10:24 PM   #2
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Re: trouble climaxing with another person...

It is DEFINATELY due to materbating too much. You have desensitized yourself to the real thing. I ended a relationship with a man for this reason. He knew what the problem was and how to solve it, but wasn't willing to. It's very frustrating for the woman who tries everything to please her man and fails because her man would rather shake hands with the sheriff....
If you want this relationship or any future relationship to succeed you need to lay off the masterbating.....

Old 06-09-2007, 11:21 AM   #3
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Re: trouble climaxing with another person...


I do have the same problem.

Not doubting your opinion "rosequartz", do you really think too frequent masturbation can actually desensitize the penis muscles?

You say your previous relationship man was not willing to stop masturbating but have he ever done it for a while and achieved any results?

Again, I am not doubting you, I just want to try to figure out what my problem might be.

Thank you

Old 06-10-2007, 07:40 AM   #4
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JustDave4now HB User
Re: trouble climaxing with another person...

Just a point about Us keeping our hands off to hold off for that special moment.

It's a crapshoot,

Some Women are very particular about how, when and what order the Stars need to be in for a romantic encounter. They want to be charmed and Romanced or if not need to be the aggressive sexual mood.

Most men enjoy this too, but at times hate all the hoops and dance and red tape.

Sometimes waiting for the Stars to all line up Corectly is uncomfortable, need is not a good state to be in.

I guess some feel the wait is worth it, others feel they have far too much need. I wonder if it's the fact that we don't wait upon their whim that robs us of our ability to Complete the act.

Somehow I Just don't think it's as easy as masturbating less. I think its more of knowing that needs will be met with only one outlet when we are ready. once I am sure of that I will never masturbate again. but I know from long frustrating Night of expecting intimacy only to Come up wanting that a woman's needs are fickle thing that Waxes and wanes with the moon.

That is of Course Just my opinion and my Personal experience, I love my wife dearly but through all these years I still await the rising of the moon.

That I don't climax in her Should not hold that much Sway unless we are in the plans for children. many woman can't climax during intercourse So why are men held to that Standard?

Old 06-10-2007, 09:35 AM   #5
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Re: trouble climaxing with another person...

OK, you did touch some important points.

1 - the time from the beginning till the end of the sexual act.

Yes, I do like to have a nice foreplay before starting. And yes, I do realize that sometimes I am already "tired" even before we start. I mean, 1 hour of foreplay can be very enjoyable but it takes its toll. Sometimes I think that the reason for me not to reach climax is because I start to loose erection strength and I get tired of keep going because I don't feel much anymore.

2 - it is important to conceive

I am not married yet, and that doesn't really matter to me, but I do think about this problem and the fact that I do want to have kids. I wouldn't like to go for a kind of "artificial insemination" approach.

Also, despite the fact I have no other partners I keep using condoms. I don't want my girlfriend to take the pill because I really don't want her to mess with hormones before she actually gets pregnant. The only time I haven't used it I was so worried with the possible outcome that it was no way for me to be comfortable with it, therefore I cannot compare the experience with or without condom.

Last edited by novrod; 06-10-2007 at 09:36 AM.

Old 06-11-2007, 11:23 PM   #6
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Re: trouble climaxing with another person...

I agree with rosequartz. You've grown accustomed to the grip of your hand. No woman will ever be as strong as your grip. But ofcourse it's hard to stop. Waking up the following morning with blue balls is not cool. What you can do is masterbait lightly. Try not to target the head of the penis, stroke the shaft. Try using only 2 fingers. And ofcourse if you can help it, limit masterbation all together. GL

Old 06-11-2007, 11:34 PM   #7
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Re: trouble climaxing with another person...

For a while i couldn't climax with one particular girl who was extremely tight. She was over all the time so I rarely had time to masterbait, she was always down for sex. And after about a dozen or two times, I was finally able to ejaculate.

I don't look at porno much anymore either, because I'm sure i'd get use to seeing "perfect" women all of the time. This would definately suck if the girl doesn't match up to industry standards...

Last edited by chancer; 06-11-2007 at 11:35 PM.

Old 06-12-2007, 11:08 AM   #8
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Re: trouble climaxing with another person...

I definitely agree with you. After getting so used to hand work my girlfriend seems loose. And that's exactly the opposite of reality. I once tried the 2 fingers trick and I did feel the difference.

Also, it is now my anniversary... 2 days without masturbating. Not a record but when alone it is. One of my biggest problems is being surrounded by porn.
Even a naive search for movies on the internet always ends up looking at the latest porn movies titles.

Originally Posted by chancer View Post
I agree with rosequartz. You've grown accustomed to the grip of your hand. No woman will ever be as strong as your grip. But ofcourse it's hard to stop. Waking up the following morning with blue balls is not cool. What you can do is masterbait lightly. Try not to target the head of the penis, stroke the shaft. Try using only 2 fingers. And ofcourse if you can help it, limit masterbation all together. GL

Old 06-28-2007, 06:45 PM   #9
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Re: trouble climaxing with another person...


I've been away from the boards for quite a while now. But it is curious to see how many people are finally coming out with their delayed orgasm's. I guess with more info being available now on the internet, more people are assuming it as a problem.

To make my story very brief, I must of first must joined healthboards back in 2003 when I had alot of questions regarding my situation and couldn't find any answers. You could read up on premature ejaculation almost everywhere but never on delayed ejaculation.

I've been with two women in my life including my girlfriend for the last 4 years. We have been living together in this amount of time as well. I can sadly report in all my sexual encounters with her and the previous girl, I've never achieved orgasm during penetration. The routine always end's with my gf masturbating me to climax.

Now, I'm an outward and very (very) sexual person. I think about sex countless times a day, I admit to being an avid porn viewer, because I just love sex. I have no problems getting an erection and get really excited just to see my gf come off everytime.But I always seem to miss that extra bit of feeling to start that point of no return. Sometimes I see this as a gift, but others it's a big burden, especially on day's where you are feeling tired and just want to enjoy the moment.

In regards to masturbation, it depends on my mood really. Sometimes I go weeks without masturbating, other times I might masturbate about 3 to 4 times a week. I have however, never masturbated every single day nor feel the need to masturbate every single day. I must of masturbated more than once in the same day only a handful of times in my life (I'm 26 btw). I like to keep that excited feeling to when I have sex with my gf (we mostly do it during the weekends, so around 2 maybe 3 times a week)

There is a website which relates to people who learn to masturbate the wrong way (in this case in the prone position) and can't recreate the feeling when having sex with a woman. The site is full on info and there are alot of user comments. There is even a technique on how to regain the right sensitivity again. Basically you stop touching yourself in any way and draw up a countdown schedule where you anticipate when you will next masturbate again. The scheme says to start off with a week and then decrease it until you are able to masturbate properly.

I never masturbated prone, but I have always masturbated in a way where I squeeze my legs and thighs really strong in order to have a really strong orgasm. It's kind like forcing to have an orgasm, very weird. I have tried various different techniques and haven't been able to overcome it yet.

At times I've been almost a month without masturbating or having sex or touching myself and then had sex or tried masturbating normally to no result. I tried another technique where I just had sex with my gf until she climaxed and I would hold my climax for another time (also went for a month using this technique, in other words having sex and not reaching ejaculation and not ejaculating or masturbating in between sex rounds). I have tried seeing a therapist who recommended Yoga (lol). I even tried sex toys. But nothing...

The only reason this is a burden to my relationship, is because I feel I would like to try being with other women and see what it is like. My love for sex feels very unaccomplished due to the fact I've only been with my gf and another girl (long time ago). But sex isn't everything in a relationship and I've got something good going on, to good to give it away over it. But yeah, the feeling still resides inside. And yes, this is something I talk with my gf about, we are very open with each other.

Last edited by Mod-S4; 06-28-2007 at 08:09 PM. Reason: Giving instructions on how to find web sites is also not allowed. Do not try to get around the rules.

Old 08-05-2007, 05:54 AM   #10
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Re: trouble climaxing with another person...

Here's a lesson for all of you suffering with DE.

I have suffered with delayed ejaculation for about eight years. I'm 24 now and it has been a big, big problem for me. I have NEVER been able to ejaculate by any other means than self masturbation, this includes during sex or even by a womans hand. It was a feature throughout my relationship which ended in April having lasted fourteen months. Although it wasn't a reason for the split, I was told a few weeks prior to the split by my girlfriend that it felt that we never finished and that she felt it must be something to do with her. The same story I've seen countless times on here.

I have an astronomically high sex drive, and go stir crazy if I don't get the relief at least once a day. It unusual for me to go an entire day without masturbating whether I am in a relationship or not, and most of these days it's twice, sometimes more depending on various things. Excessive certainly, I'm a bit of a ****** really!

Anyhow, without this I feel on edge, and find myself getting turned on throughout the day making it difficult to think of anything else. It's pretty much been the case for a few years now that I get little enjoyment out of ejaculating. It's kind of like the release of a build up of tension rather than any great pleasure. Suppose I'm desensitised to it really. I think back and laugh to a time when I was 14 and would close my eyes and pull a daft face due to the sheer unbelievable feeling of it all! Sounds funny eh, but I haven't experienced anything like that in years. During sex with my girlfriend I could easily last a few hours, giving her many many multiple orgasms to the point where she was exhausted. I'd never had 'a quickie', and the kudos that went with lasting ages was replaced by annoyance really. I suppose part of it was anxiety too. On the rare occasion I felt as if I may just get there, I over analysed it and the feeling went.

I got back with my girlfriend a few weeks ago, and I made a decision that I would go a few weeks without polishing one out myself. It was unbelievably difficult. The sheer will power it took was astonishing. I can't believe that giving up smoking can be this difficult. I can't simply avoid my Penis like I could avoid buying a cigarette! I'd been fourteen whole days without ejaculating, and hadn't come involuntarily during the night (strangely I never really have). This is potentially 20-30 missed self love sessions!

Anyhow, last night my ex came round and we slept together for the first time in four months. I was so wound up, so god damn frustrated that I came within about three minutes during the sex itself, obviously preceded by about forty minutes foreplay! I could have avoided coming early, but I pretty much told my girlfriend what was on the way and she wanted me to! And it was the most amazing orgasm I've had in my life. I'd have won the world gurning championships. The pleasure was back, and I felt what a genuine orgasm was like for the first time in about eight years. Two birds killed with one stone!

Now I'm looking to find a happy medium. I can't walk around with a loaded weapon all the time, but I can and will certainly limit the amount of times I shake hands with the sheriff.

If I can do this, or all people, then I don't see why anyone else can't. Abtain for a bit gentlemen!

The rewards are great!

Last edited by Chris_302; 08-05-2007 at 05:56 AM.

Old 08-05-2007, 04:01 PM   #11
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jobin HB User
Re: trouble climaxing with another person...

Sometimes very slow for me too. Although i sure enjoy the ride, exhaustion for both of us takes its toll. Additionally, all my 'partners' now are prostitutes and some have time limits. So once last week a new girl grew a bit weary (for them it's always 'the sooner the better'; always!) and while i was in her and thrusting away, she reached down and gripped my penis with her hand or hands (?) as it slid in and out. i was surprised but said nothing and soon found with that with that bit of increased friction i was on my way to orgasm quite quickly. A neat trick! I have also found that masturbating too frequently decreases my ability to orgasm. I think each man must find for himself the limit as many factors are involved. Just as in most physical recovery rates from injury, the young folks bounce back much sooner. I am doing well to orgasm and ejaculate 3 times a week but i am pretty old, 63. I can well remember my youth and how frequently i would 'shake hands'.. And that life was without internet porn, only underwear catalogs!

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