Wow, really glad that I found this site. Been having a problem that has been bugging the heck out of me and my girlfriend.
I'm 18 years old, still a virgin, and can not get a full out erection with my girl. She is 20 going on 21 and obviously has experience. We dated for about 2 months before we became officially together which was about a week ago.
Anyway, she has tried to give me head like 4-5 times and each time I could not get hard. A couple of the times I was completely limp, and the other times I had like a half-a$$ed erection. I only got really hard once one time, (she was not giving me head) I was totally relaxed and not thinking about it and we were just chillin. We couldnt do anything because her friend was with us.
So we tried having sex with me, her, and her friend on a night that I totally was just not feeling it. Didn't work out and she was very upset.
So what can be the cause of me not getting hard with my girlfriend? I'm only 18 and don't have any diseases that I know of. I have read it could be from anxiety/stress of some sort which I have felt before but I'm not sure. Any help ASAP would be much appreciated!
Do you have any problem when masturbating? Do you wake up with good erections in the night or morning? If so this is probably just nerves. You said yourself you are a virgin and she is experienced. Maybe you are nervous that you wont know what to do or whatever. If so why in the world did you try to do it with her friend at the same time? Boy that would add more stress for me.
Just relax. Dont worry about knowing what to do. It will come naturally and she will probably tell you what she likes. Maybe having a beer would help but too much can also cause trouble.
I haven't masturbated in like a week and a half or so because I felt that too much masturbation would cause me not to get hard with a girl. Historically I usually do wake up with good erections in the night and morning but I can't remember if I have as of late. I think it is nerves, although I tell myself I'm not nervous and we have talked about having sex several times. I think it is some sort of anxiety I have about it. And the whole threesome thing with her friend was their idea and they were kind of forcing it on me so I went with it. Wasn't a wise choice but I know that now. She has told me what she likes and I know stuff to do (slowly learning).
Update: Tonight I had her over and got real hard 2 times, the first time we just messed around (kept it in my pants) and it went away. She was dissappointed and frustrated. I managed a little later on to get it up again even harder when she was sitting on me and we played a little bit and she tried giving me head. As I started pulling off my shorts and boxers I had a feeling it was getting limp. She went down there and tried but it went limp in less than a minute. I am making progress with getting hard in the first place, and I'll admit that tonight I had a little anxiety before she tried giving me head. Is this still just because of nerves?
Maybe try leaving your pants on longer with her sitting on you like you did last night. Forget the oral sex. Try rubbing her with it while your pants are on. When youre good an excited you should get beyond the point of caring about any anxiety and just drop the pants and put it in. I think once you get past the anxiety you will be fine from that point on.
I think you guys are right. I did leave my shorts on longer and rub it more and it was harder. But as soon as she went down there and touched it it was limp. She thinks its because of her. I gotta get rid of the anxiety because I can tell shes pretty frustrated about the whole thing. I just want the problem to go away. Anyway I think I'm making progress so I will keep you guys updated next time something happens.
Concentrate on how good it is going to feel and how much your girl wants this, concentrate hard on this and it may help foget the anxiety that you will lose it. Also, be sure to reassure her it is not her and you need her help overcoming this. If she understands and wants to help, that will also help take the pressure off.
I believe I am making some progress, but still haven't been able to have sex with her yet. I am able to get hard now with my clothes on and all, and a lot more often than I used to be. I tried to lighten my spirits by being in a better mood which helped bring down the anxiety but I think I dont really feel the anxiety anymore, yet I cant get hard. Does that make sense? I feel like I am completly comfortable with her, I can get the erection, but as soon as I either start to touch her or she starts to touch me, the hardness slowly goes away! Do I have ED or what? Or do I have some sort of uncomortableness/anxiety hiding away deep down that I can't get rid of? I truly am attracted to her and really want to have sex with her, and she gets kind of offended when I can't get it up.
Please, I'm willing to try anything now. I'm her boyfriend and need to be able to give her what she needs. Should I see a doctor?
Think about what it is that turns YOU on. For me, it's soft luscious kisses. They really get me in the mood. Secondly, try masturbating, not to ejaculate, but to just get hard and experience the sensation. Try to keep the erection as long as you can. The purpose is not to ejaculate, but to just stay erect. That in itself can be reassuring; knowing you CAN get, and hold an erection.