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Old 11-01-2006, 02:02 PM   #1
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My Problems, oh where to start

well, I am a 25 year old male in the UK.

Am not sure if what i have is social anxiety or something simular, i will give a bit of history and problems i have.

since i was a younger my mum and dad have sorta lived seperate lives, my dad works and drikns all the time and my mum is very lonely and i think had depression and possibly mental issues as she has no friends or does anything and also says she regularly hears voices and has certain obsessive issues.

As a family we dont ever do aything together and never have done, we dont sit and eat together, go out anywhere together or anything like that.

I am an only child and still live at home in the middle of all this as i am not really confident enough to just get a place n go.

Due to my mum never wanting me to do anything at all through my life, never wnating me to go out places with friends i found that when i left school at 15 i had no friends and sorta led a non existant life until recently.

My dad has never offered any type of love or effection, only money. I now find my self being what i think is pretty unsociable, i cant talk to girls at all, i still find it very child like thinkin what is she / her m8s going to think if i ask, it doesn't even come into my mind to even say hi as i am so negative about myself.
Even mixing with people and trying to make friends i find hard, because i dont do much i find i dont have a lot to say to people my age and generaly find i only really get on with perople who are a lot older than me.

I just find most social situations daunting and always presume the worst, i cant bare to even just say hi or smile at people through feeling so self concious about lots of things, i see my self as fat even tough i had lost a lot of weight and am prob not that bad, i am 6'2 and about 16 stone. i was previously about 20.

Other than not having any m8s and never having a girlfriend or been close to girls at all and not doin things that everyone else enjoys like going out, going on holidays, meeting friends, having friends to chat to and to built my life with and to find who i am, i also have some sorts personal issues which i have known about for ages but i certainly wouldn't see my gp about as i have had problems with him as i will explain shortly.

Being annonymous i will post them here as hopefuly i can find advice i hope, i find myself getting erections extremly easy and i get them a lot just sitting on the bus, i have felt myself about to get them just from a girl i find attractive standing pretty closish to me, god knows what id do if i was out with a girl or in a bar / club and a give went to kiss me or asked me to dance or for my number, i think id prob just get one right at that second lol but its not really funny it stops me from wanting to move my life on

Another personal problem i have is, i presume an anxiety, i cant seem to pass urine in a toilet when people are around, i dont know why but i just find that no matter how much i wanted to go the flow seems to just halt itsself, and i can stand there for ages and nothin happens at all.
This also is a reason that makes me not want to move my life on, because there few times i have been out places i have found myself coming home really needing to go.

Recently, i have met a few nice people who have taken me out although they only know some of my problems, certainly not the above 2 personal ones and i fiound the toilet thing was a problem as the first time i went (which was also the first time i had been in them toilets at all) i dived right for the cubical one as i would have no chance were everyone else stands next to each other, and there was no door on it, and i pretty soon realised that a lad was waiting for me and i couldn;t do anything for after a bit i just flushes it and walked out still needing to go.

It was later on when it was quiter i got to go when i knew no one was waiting for me, this really causes me to always want to say no when people ask me to go out as i dont want to look stupid or pathetic in front of people.

There was a point in the night were everyone i was with wanted to dance and i followed them as i thought it would seem a bit anti social not to and i just completly froze, i spent the whole time standin there just lookin at them and feeling very stupid that i was just standing there and felt more stupid that i just coundt get any movement going, i just have a big problem with expressing myself social i guess.

I hope this isn't to boring to read though but i really dont know what to do, also i did mention about my gp, i have previously been for councelling for over a year about everything which seems to help a bit, but i have menioned most of this to my gp and asked if i could go out where or go to a phycologist and he sorts laughes and said a phycologist wouldn't see me for that and wanted me to goto a councellor again which i refused.

There are probably a lot of spelling / grammer mistakes all over this as i have typed it all out fast trying to think about everything i wanted to mention so sorry about that if parts are hard to understand.

Thanks

James

 
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Old 11-01-2006, 03:43 PM   #2
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Re: My Problems, oh where to start

You've had a very dysfunctional upbringing and need professional help. Some kind of psychological therapy. All these problems will not go away by themselves. the fact that you recognize them and are asking for help is a good first step. Now find a therapist. Good luck.

 
Old 11-01-2006, 05:34 PM   #3
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Footie123 HB User
Re: My Problems, oh where to start

The toilet issue i used to get alot lol in clubs, just keep using the cubical and as you go more you will be able to use the urinals, its nothing major, once you have had a couple of beers, you have to go, you cant wait about waiting for the cubical !! So just go, and well, nature will do its deed lol.

Good luck with the other stuff.

 
Old 11-06-2006, 04:15 PM   #4
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hairier yet.. HB User
Re: My Problems, oh where to start

James,

I feel your pain and am really sorry. I think the most important thing is something you've already done, accept the fact that you have this problem and address it aggressively. Then find the right help. The other thing to remember is you can only take what life has dealt you and do your very best with it. That's all any of us can do.

As one of the others said, your problems probably come from your parents not contributing much of anything to your life during the formative years of your childhood. At least that's what it sounds like. A parent, especially a father not being involved in the life of his son can have devastating effects on his life.

James please take heart because there is help for you out there. There is a counselor who will take time with you and really help. If you're not getting satisfaction with your current, please stop going to him, seek advice or reccommendation from someone and get a counselor who is patient and more so, compassionate. Also, never forget the power of the Almighty. He knows your needs better than anyone. I wish the very best for you.

Take care.

-h

Last edited by hairier yet..; 11-06-2006 at 04:18 PM.

 
Old 11-09-2006, 02:07 AM   #5
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Emelle HB User
Re: My Problems, oh where to start

James

If I was you I'd force myself to make a complete break with the past

Leave home, get a job elsewhere - a completely new start. You don't say what your job is at the moment - but there are usually some kind of jobs you can get that provide accommodation.

It'll be terrifying at first and you'll make a complete fool of yourself at times, but don't worry, we all do it.

You have to force yourself to join the human race. Your problems are not at all serious and will sort themselves out once you stop worrying about them.

Really you need to learn to have fun now while you are young.

Good luck

 
Old 11-11-2006, 03:45 AM   #6
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SomePerson12 HB User
Re: My Problems, oh where to start

The reason you can't **** in front of others is because you get a shy bladder. You seem to have a lot of anxiety issues which makes me think that this thread should of been posted there. Anyways, I can relate to the whole social aspect of your life.

I am 21 and I haven't had friends since late 2001. I have basically lost all social skills too, sorta like you. I don't have any money and still live and home. I've never had a girlfriend and havent talked to a girl in years. One thing I noticed is that if you tell yourself you are "wasting your youth" it will only make things harder. You'll only be putting more pressure on yourself.

The reason you are probably so self-concious is because you want people to like you so badly. You feel you need their acceptance because you are inferior too them, but of course I don't know for sure thats how you feel. If you convince yourself that these people aren't better than you in anyway than you won't be so anxious around them, it's as simple as that.

 
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