This is the first time I have been to this site and my first post. I have a situation and I need help fast:
I recently started a relationship with my girlfriend after almost 4 years since my divorce and no sex at all. I was divorced in 2003 and it was very, very hard on me. My wife cheated on me and we mutually ended the marriage.
I am 26 years old now and in good health. When I was a teenager I had a huge sex drive, but didn't have sex. I didn't have sex until I was 18 with my high-school sweetheart, who I then married at age 20. We had sex, but my sex drive wasn't high. Often I "wasn't in the mood" or had trouble getting excited about sex. We were both in a very stressful period of our lives. After the divorce, I was uninterested in any sex whatsoever.
Now I have recently met my current girlfriend and we love eachother. I have made out with her and gone down on her and she loved that, but I have been very, very nervous about intercourse or even her touching me. I have been having trouble getting a full erection. When I do get an erection, it seems partial or dies quickly (especially when she touches me). She tried going down on me the other morning and my erection died almost immediately.
We talked about my lack of origination on sex and I beat around the bush about it, unwilling to tell her that I was having erection issues and confidence issues. I told her that I feel nervous and some other stuff, but not directly.
My sex drive is definitely not very good. I really want to fix this and please her, as sex is an important part of a good, healthy relationship. I started taking Zenerex at the beginning of January 2007 which is a natual herbal suppliment for men, but recenlty have been on the Master's cleanse, which means no suppliments, food or anything accept a special lemon juice for 10 days. I finish this cleanse on Wednesday this week (3 days).
My question is: What can I do to safely and effectively increase my sex drive and erection strength/duration?
THanks so much for reading this and your input. This is very, very important and scary to me.
Get your Testosterone & Estradiol E2 hormones tested. Get and keep a copy of your tests. The "T" should be in the upper 1/4 of the range & the "E2" should be in the lower 1/4 of the range.
Your testosterone is probably too low and your E2 is probably too high.
Thanks for the tip! I'm very new to this and don't understand a lot about hormones, etc. I do know that my physician told me when I was young that I had adrenal gland problems, etc. I haven't seen a doctor about this in a while. Would you suggest a normal doctor to do this check up/test?
Also, providing that it was hormone-related: what are the methods and ramifications/costs of treating such a condition?
It's hard to say for sure Ocean. Sounds like your sex drive was very normal earlier. Do you think it's just anxiety related? It sounds like it may be. I know when you're nervous, the penis goes into hibernation..
Ask yourself this - If you fantasize and/or masturbate do you have trouble with erections? If not, then that's probably your answer. Can you acheive good, firm erections otherwise? What about morning erections? I'm 42 and still have good morning erections.
You answered your own question mate... the thought of her touching you makes you nervous... sounds like the problem isnt hormonal... its confidence you need bro! We've all been there... im younger than you and when i got out of a four year relationship, the first time i had sex with another person i really struggled getting aroused... its catch 22, the more you think about it like "get hard, get hard, hot girl, get hard" the less chance you've got of actually getting anything thatw would resemble an erection... my opinion... and of course this is only opinion, im not a doc or anything, but it sounds like its the head on your shoulders that needs a good shake
I'd like to keep my eye on this post... and im confident one day soon your gonna reply sayin "you know what worrier, i did it... and the first time was...totally not what i expected! And now, i have no problems at all! we are happy in our relationship, im comfortable and my sex life is awesome."
This is just a suggestion, but instead of buyin drugs and stuff for it... and i know this may sound corny... but try a paul mckenna book called "how to change your life in seven days" it deals with confidence issues etc...
Thanks guys, that's good advice. I would completely agree that it's all mental, except for one thing:
To answer Hairier's questions: I do have a hard time getting a full erection while masturbating. I haven't had a full erection in some time. Actually I wasn't masturbating for a long time and when I finally started again, to "prime the pump", I was confused as to why my penis wasn't getting fully erect. I did it many times and it was the same thing. Once or twice I got it hard, but it's not often.
I also find that it's easier to get it up in different positions, ie, standing vs. lying down.
I do agree that the more I think about it, the more frustrating it is. I don't want to take drugs at all. I just want to be normal and happy and not embarrassed. My girlfriend really made me feel embarrassed when she talked to me about my lack of sexual intimacy with her. I felt like a criminal, robbing her of a much-desired necessity. That pressure made it even harder (no pun intended) for me to get aroused.
I can't let this drag on too long. She already thinks it's strange that I'm not all over her! I haven't been totally frank with her about the erection issue though, either.
I had a similar erection issue, though none of you psychological problems. I will tell you that the problem is probably in your head. Here is what I did: stop maturbating and get rid of your porn immediately so you will not be tempted. Talk to your mate; this helps a lot. Just tell her that you know it's in your mind and you need help getting over it. Have her touch you first and put the condom on if you are using one. Try not to think about it too much, though I know from experience that this is impossible. It will get better; I got over my issue using these methods in a few days. My biggest step was intercourse where I didn't lose my erection, which I did without a condom. It helped a lot b/c there was a lot of sensation. Thus, I didn't lose my erection. Once I did that, I knew it was in my head. After that, it is mind over matter. Now, I am having sex atleast 2 times a day without any issue. Just keep at it, and the problems will fade. Also, men arevery visual so get her naked and you will be more easily aroused.
Ocean, if you have trouble with full erections when masturbating or trying manual stimulation (when you're not under pressure) it sounds like there's something else going on besides anxiety. Sure, anxiety will kill erections, but sounds like you might need to discuss it with a doctor or urologist.
Thank you guys very much. This is the first time I have ever discussed this or even put much thought into it. I basically shut out sex from my life for 4 years after my divorce nightmare and I am finally getting back on track. I will talk to a doctor and also continue to communicate with my girlfriend about it. I'll keep you informed.
If anyone else has more info or data on the hormones imbalances, please drop a line.
Last edited by Ocean02; 02-01-2007 at 12:04 PM.
Reason: I didn't see the 2nd page and I replied to an earlier post.
I have had great success with bee royal jelly and bee pollen. It has really worked for me and, like you, I didn't want to take any drugs. This is all natural and will help your body to make it's own hormones. It is also full of natural B vitamins to help calm you down plus give you more energy (this is the beauty of the B vitamins). It shouldn't interfere with your Master's Diet at all because it is all natural. I will warn you though it tastes real bad but it works. I really think it might help you regain some of your drive naturally. It has helped me stay longer and stronger.
If you decide to give it a try just be aware that there are some companies out there that "water" it down to sell it cheap. The two best places [deleted] I hope this helps you.
shouldabnacwby
Last edited by Mod-S4; 02-01-2007 at 05:09 PM.
Reason: Posting commercial web sites is against the Posting Rules.
The doctor writes an order & someone draws some blood for the tests.
Get the testosterone & estradiol E2 tested as a minimum. Get & keep a copy of your test rsesults.
The most effective way to increase testosterone is by self injection of testosterone cyp with a 27ga needle on a 1cc syringe into the thigh. It is about $25 per month. The main side effect of any testosterone treatment is it will shut dow sperm production & shrink the testicles. Rub on AndroGel is about $250+ per month
Many knowledgeable doctors will start a man on HCG first. It is about $50 per month. This causes the testicle to naturally produce more testosterone.
I was reading thru and you said you haven't talked with your partner about this well I think that is the #1 thing you should do first. it is best to talk about this situation so that she doesn't think that it is all her.
I was reading thru and you said you haven't talked with your partner about this well I think that is the #1 thing you should do first. it is best to talk about this situation so that she doesn't think that it is all her.
Thanks for your feedback. I went to the doctor yesterday and had a great visit. This is the first time I have every talked to anyone about this. He was very helpful. He made me feel very comfortable and gave me some good advice. I got my blood drawn and will be getting the test results back soon. He also gave me a sample of Viagra.
I tried the Viagra on Tuesday night and felt a bit of a flush in the face and my penis got semi-erect for about an hour. Then I tried it last night with my honey. I had some wine and popcorn while we were watching a video at home and I got another semi-erection. We still didn't have sex. We woke up together and I got a full erection after about 15 minutes. It stayed hard for half and hour .... We still didn't have sex, but I felt so much more confident.
I'm feeling better about myself, which is what the doctor wanted me to do. He felt that the drug may help me get passed that initial embarrassment and then build my self-confidence back up so that I naturally feel good with getting erect with my girl.
I'll keep you informed with my progress and the test results!!!
Last edited by Mod-S4; 02-15-2007 at 09:22 AM.
Reason: TMI. Exact details of every event are not necessary. Thanks.
I'm glad that you went to the Dr. and that you have some great potential going on there.
I agree that you should talk to your gf about this. It really isn't fair to leave her in the dark wondering what is going on and thinking of all the worst-case-senerios about what the problem could be.
It is also not good to start a relationship by hiding something like this.
