I am going on a reading week trip soon to Mexico. I am pretty excited to go and get of the country to just relax, but at the same time I know that there will be a lot of partying going on. I have no problem with this, but people always seem to think that you have to have random sex with other people just to have fun. I was not raised in this way...I was raised in a christian home with a huge moral upbringing and although I'm not practicing my faith right now doesn't mean that I can totally erase it from my head. Nor do I want to because I do believe that living a moral life is good.
I guess I am a little anxious about what people are going to expect of me and I don't want to make a huge mistake that I regret for the rest of my life. I am a virgin at this point and I am terrified of STD's. I would like to wait for someone special and not have sex with a totally random person where I would have no idea if they are infected or not.
How do you think I should approach this? I don't want my friends to think that I am not straight by not having sex, but I feel that they sometimes do. If I told them I was christian, they would likely laugh in my face, or at least it feels they would.
Please, any advice would be appreciated!
P.S. I am now 20 years old and I feel like I am the only person this old who still has their virginity...
Everybody first has sex at a different age, some very young, some much older than you. There is absolutely no shame in not having sex. Likewise there is no shame in having sex if that is what you want.
A down side that I can see with not losing your virginity is that the longer you leave it the bigger the anxiety about it can become. But to be honest it is not worth worrying about, it will happen to you when you either want it to or not.
It is also easy to get into a circle of worry about stds, I know that some can be very bad, but most are very treatable. That is not to say go out there and get some! By being pretty careful you can avoid stds - condoms are essential use, but also if you sleep with someone who is from a low risk category (ie not a drug user, not a prostitute) you reduce the risk considerably. It is a risk, but dont get paranoid.
I also think that maybe you are worrying about what others may think more than you need to. Let them get on with their life, leaving you do do yours. If you really have to defend the reason you are not partying with every chick on your reading trip then these people are not really your friends and you may as well just ignore them. Having said that, dont draw attention to your situation, and dont criticise their activities as this opens you up to criticism back!
Without telling you to get new friends, I can appriciate what men can be like regarding sex. If you desperately felt the need to prove to them you're not gay, as some men feel the need to, you could always leave a club with a girl but then tell her your not interested before you get home...cruel, but one solution.
Alternatively, instead of getting hung up on it, just relax. Why let it bother you? Does it matter if your friends call you 'gay'? And anyway, when you do start to enjoy yourself, who knows what might happen. I mean, it's usually when you least expect it, right?
I guess it's not so much that I think that my friends will think I'm gay, but rather the shame of being ostracized (i don't know if I'm spelling that right). They may be pretty understanding about my situation and they have been in the past. So maybe it's more of a psychological thing such as the anxiety of being a little different than many of my friends.
With that said, I will not and have not judged people who do have sex...we all make choices in life for whatever reasons and I totally respect that. I just hope that my friends can do the same for me. I've always been a mature kid when it comes to stuff like this...I mean having sex when you are ****** drunk usually isn't the smartest choice, but that's just my opinion. It will happen when it happens, and my stance is that I want to have sex with someone I can trust and love.