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Old 02-17-2007, 10:42 PM   #1
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stevenitis HB User
sex drives don't match...a different question

I'm new here, this is my first post actually. My problem is like a lot of others but I haven't come across this particular question yet.

My sex drive is very high and my wifes' is just about at zero. All of the suggestions I've seen in other boards say for us to either go to a counselor or for her to see a doctor for drugs that will increase her sex drive.

She doesn't want to do either as she's fine with the way things are. Is there a drug prescription or otherwise that I can take to lower my sex drive?

I'm 38 and in above average health. We've been married for over 10 years.

 
Old 02-18-2007, 07:00 AM   #2
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Re: sex drives don't match...a different question

BC pills, anti-depressants, & hair growth meds will all kill the sex drive.

 
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Old 02-18-2007, 10:22 PM   #3
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Re: sex drives don't match...a different question

Thanks but I was asking if there are any drugs that I can take to lower mine. Or are you telling ME to take BC pills or anti-depressants?

 
Old 02-19-2007, 04:09 PM   #4
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Re: sex drives don't match...a different question

SSRI's and SNRI's will kill the libido (not Wellbutrin). They use Potassium Nitrate in the service (boot camp)to keep them focused on the training.

 
Old 02-19-2007, 08:45 PM   #5
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Re: sex drives don't match...a different question

Quote:
Originally Posted by stevenitis View Post
She doesn't want to do either as she's fine with the way things are. Is there a drug prescription or otherwise that I can take to lower my sex drive?
First part: I think couples should be willing to compromise on every aspect of their marriage, and that includes when there is an incompatibility in their sex drives. I agree with anyone else who's suggested councelling. IMO, her not wanting to work on this is a bad sign and doesn't bode well for the marriage in general.

As for a drug solution, I think it's a terrible idea to go messing with drugs that have other purposes and side effects just to reduced your perfectly normal and natural sex drive. I guess suggeseting masturbation isn't much of a suggestion, but at least it's drug-free and won't go messing with your moods, sleep, hair, etc etc etc. Hopefully your wife doesn't have a problem with you masturbating, does she?

 
Old 02-20-2007, 05:10 AM   #6
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Re: sex drives don't match...a different question

Quote:
Originally Posted by stevenitis View Post
Thanks but I was asking if there are any drugs that I can take to lower mine. Or are you telling ME to take BC pills or anti-depressants?
NO. I was commenting on why your wife was at zero sex drive. If she is taking any of those that I mentioned that could be the reason.

Try to get her to have her testosterone & estrogen tested. Low testosterone and/or high estrogen will lower the sex drive.

Trying to lower your with drugs make cause it to go too low & not recover.

A little estradiol E2 will lower your sex drive, but it will cause you to start boob growth & gain weight.

Last edited by JinL; 02-20-2007 at 05:13 AM.

 
Old 02-22-2007, 01:21 PM   #7
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Re: sex drives don't match...a different question

Ok, thanks. I don't really need boob growth or weight gain. I'll have to come up with something else.

 
Old 02-23-2007, 09:39 AM   #8
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Re: sex drives don't match...a different question

masturbation is the easiest, most common method of fixing this problem.

 
Old 02-24-2007, 07:05 AM   #9
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Re: sex drives don't match...a different question

Try working on her sex drive, yours is more normal.

 
Old 04-06-2011, 11:36 AM   #10
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Re: sex drives don't match...a different question

This problem is not going to get better, especially since she doesn't see it as a problem. Its going to cause resentment and anger to build up and eventually it will be the downfall of your relationship. Don't waste your time and money on counseling. She is who she is and thats not going to change.

 
Old 04-12-2011, 06:49 AM   #11
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Re: sex drives don't match...a different question

I'm in the same boat brother. Wife is on BC Pills, and an SSRI for depression--neither of which she is willing to go off. She has no libido and doesn't see a problem with it. She's been like this for 10+ years of our 12 years together. I love her but her lack of desire pushes me away. Then she gets upset for me not wanting to meet her emotional needs but says she's just not interested in meeting my need for sex in our relationship. Very frustrating. We've spent a small fortune on counseling and I don't have any hope things will get better.

I'm considering the medication route as well for myself. I do believe I am mildly depressed as a result of our relationship issues. It's not debilitating and I can get out of bed every morning. It's more like a gray cloud, not a black one. I rarely have days when I am happy, more like ho-hum most of the time.

So I feel the medication would help me since I don't have an alternative, other than divorce; which I don't want right now. It's been a few years since my last physical anyway so was thinking about asking my doc about this soon.

I wish there were an herbal alternative to prescription meds for this. It's impossible to find on Google things to lower libido because everything is talking about increasing it.

 
Old 04-12-2011, 12:02 PM   #12
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Re: sex drives don't match...a different question

This won't be an answer you're looking for, and I hope it's not the case for you, but I had a similar problem throughout 14 years with my ex-wife (7 married).

Mine wasn't on any anti-depressants or other meds... until she started taking Welbutrin. Welbutrin increased her sex drive to where I could barely keep up. She stayed on it for a few months, as she didn't like how it affected her mood and other things, and I didn't disagree. It wasn't for her. But the sex drive went back to near zero.

Long story short, we divorced several years ago (she left for another man), and when we discussed things some months later, as closure, she opened up to me and let me know that she had always loved me, was in love with me, but wasn't physically attracted to me. She had left for another man, because he had made her feel things she had never felt about me since we had first started dating. Basically, she was only ever sexually attracted to me at the onset of our relationship, when everything is shiny and new and exciting. But because she did love me, she held this from me for almost 14 years until she couldn't live like that anymore. This was hard to hear, but I'm glad she told me, and it was honest.

As I said, I hope that isn't the case with you, but it's something to think about. It's entirely possible to be in love with someone but not feel sexually attracted to them. And don't take it personally, either. I'm an attractive guy, clean cut, don't have trouble with the ladies, etc. But that doesn't mean every woman is going to throw themselves at you, either. I learned that the hard way, and there's really not a whole lot you can do about that, unless what makes you unattractive to somebody is fixable (ie. hygiene, weight gain, etc.). In my case, at least according to my ex, it was none of the above. I just didn't do "it" for her, and she never knew why. It happens.

 
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