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Old 03-11-2007, 05:12 AM   #1
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Lotus_Blossom HB User
My Fiancé's refusal of Sex

My Fiancé and I are a long distance a part at the moment and have quiet a few arguements about his not being sexual over Telephone.He is 29 I am 34 and I find it very strange he refusing being the age he is.He attributes his wanting to wait until after we're Married because of his conversion from Catholicism to Christianity.We've been engaged 16 months and have came close 1 time.I have tried to no avail to help him understand it hurts me physically when I need him.This is an issue we can't reach a mutual understanding on,so am needing tips on what to do.I respect his views on waiting,however I will be furious if he is using converting as a Scapegoat so he won't have to.He won't even admit Masturbating (which I know he does!).Not only am I needing to feel that closeness with him I also need to hear his response when sexually aroused.I mean I don't want him to lay their like a "dead Fish".He told me he would never allow me to give him a Blowjob or he return the favor to me.He told me it is dirty in the Eyes of God.I hope he wasn't being serious.I am so frustrated!

Last edited by Lotus_Blossom; 03-11-2007 at 05:13 AM.

 
Old 03-11-2007, 06:24 AM   #2
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ILYF HB User
Re: My Fiancé's refusal of Sex

First of all let me clarify Catholicism...Catholics ARE Christians! What would make him think that he wasn't a Christian when he was Catholic. I was raised a Catholic and let me assure you there's NOTHING non Christian about it!

Personally I wouldn't stay in this relationship. IF he says he doesn't believe in oral sex then that's what he means. I have a sister that's a very fanatical Christian and that is her view also! She believes that oral sex is being perverted and would never do such a thing. If sex IS an important part of a relationship then you need someone that believes the same way as you do about having sex...this man is obviously on a totally different planet than you are when it comes to sex! So when are you supposed to be married? Are you supposed to go without sex for years until you finally get married? So then if you do get married, what is your sex life going to be like? Will he only want to have sex to produce children?...some fanatical Christians believe that's the only reason for sex is for procreation. Will he care less if he satisfies you and only cares if he is pleasured?

 
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Old 03-11-2007, 12:06 PM   #3
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duzford HB User
Re: My Fiancé's refusal of Sex

Do you love him or lust for him? I waited until I was married to prove that there was more to the relationship then JUST SEX. And it was worth the wait - m hubby was frustrated before the wedding and now sometimes has to blow the whistle so he can take a break.

What if something happened to one of you and you could never have sex again? Would you then leave him? For your own sake consider this before you walk down the aisle.

Good luck!

 
Old 03-11-2007, 05:38 PM   #4
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Re: My Fiancé's refusal of Sex

Lotus - I was not trying to judge you and do not thing you are a cold hearted ****. It was more of something for you to consider then anything else. I hope I did not offend you, it was not intended that way but re-reading what I wrote I can see how it could have been.

 
Old 03-11-2007, 08:01 PM   #5
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Blastoff9600 HB UserBlastoff9600 HB User
Re: My Fiancé's refusal of Sex

So you want to have phone sex with him to help you wait until marriage. Doesnt seem like it shoudl be a big deal really or a huge request for him to help you with. It is kind of puzzling but then again he could easily be embarressed to talk that way. It can be hard when one isnt use to that kind of thing. You could ask him if that is what the problem is.
Next thing you need to tackle is talk to him about oral. If you really want that to be a part of your marriage then you need to lay that out on the table now. Let him know that it doe mean a lot to you share that with him both giving and receiving. If he tries to use religion as a means of getting out of it then tell him that means only one positon when it comes to sex when you two do get married. And even then to be truly strict it can only be done to conceive a child and not for enjoyment. It may seem mean but if he wants to try to use religion as an excuse turn it around on him. Though make sure you read up those areas in the bible so you can be ready with where he can double check your info.
You truly do need to sit him down and work all this out before you marry because if you dont then how you feel now wont change once you are married unless by some miracle he changes once the ring is on. If he wont talk then tell him you want to see a relationship counselor with him.
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Old 03-11-2007, 08:37 PM   #6
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Re: My Fiancé's refusal of Sex

ILYF,
Let me clarify a mistake.It was early Morning when I posted.I meant to say converted from Catholicism to Pentecostal.Well,when he told me he wouldn't allow me to give him a Blowjob and vice versa I thought he was kidding as he had told me before he wants Blowjobs.He was also at Work so Colleagues may have been around.He also told me he always wanted to talk sex with the Woman he intends to Marry then turned around several Months later and told me he won't talk sex until after Marriage and we're in bed.We are getting Married in the Fall.He obviously expects me to go without until we're Married.Well,that is why I am asking for sex now even if it is over Telephone as I need to know what his responses are,so I will have some kind of an idea what it will be after Marriage.I would only hope he is of the thought sex is for exchange of love,pleasure and gratification too.Something I will discuss with him.

 
Old 03-12-2007, 05:57 AM   #7
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ILYF HB User
Re: My Fiancé's refusal of Sex

You definately need to get this out on the table BEFORE wedding day! You need to make sure that he feels the same way about sex as you do. If he truely believes that oral sex is bad(evil) and you want it then believe you me, that's going to create problems in your marriage! You need to find out what he expects out of a sex life and see if that's compatible with your needs! You can pretend all you want that this doesn't matter but it WILL matter and it DOES matter! Remember...marriage is forever! And that's a long long time to live in frustration!

 
Old 03-12-2007, 06:13 AM   #8
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StenoLady1 HB UserStenoLady1 HB User
Re: My Fiancé's refusal of Sex

I, too, agree with the PP that you two need to have a serious discussion about your sexual compatibility before the marriage. I don't think this can be achieved with phone sex "so I will have some kind of an idea what it will be after Marriage."

And I wouldn't play games. I wouldn't manipulate. There's a few things that need to be seriously discussed before the wedding day between a couple ... finances, stance on kids and child-rearing, and sex -- especially if y'all are choosing to refrain from sex until you're married.

Last edited by StenoLady1; 03-12-2007 at 06:13 AM.

 
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