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Old 03-17-2007, 01:50 PM   #1
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Ebminor HB User
I can't have sex!

Hello everyone.

The basics: male, 17, minor self-diagnosed depression, bisexual, virgin, first relationship...

So I have this new girlfriend now, and I've stayed round her house a couple of times, but I just can't...."get in the mood." The first time, I put my lack of erectness down to drink, but the second time I was stone cold sober and still nothing. She's beautiful, and I completely fancy her, but I've just never been horny during the times when I've been with her. I wouldn't say I'm nervous in the bedroom, but I'm wondering if it's down to the fact that I'm new to the whole thing. The problem is likely to be psychological, as I have no problem achieving erections when I'm masturbating (which I probably only do about 2-3 times a week, so I generally have quite a low sex drive anyway). I'm starting to doubt my sexuality, but I've just never considered the fact that I might not like girls...can it be true?

Any answers or reassurance?

 
Old 03-17-2007, 04:50 PM   #2
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tigerlilyx61 HB User
Re: I can't have sex!

Yes ebminor, 'tis totally possible that you just don't like girls. I remember going out with this guy when I was 19 who couldn't get in the mood either. I mentioned to his friend, who happened to be my sisters bf, that I thought he was gay. He was like "NO WAY". Well guess what? Couple years later he came out.

When you masturbate what do use as incentive? That should be your first clue.

 
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Old 03-17-2007, 05:21 PM   #3
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Ebminor HB User
Re: I can't have sex!

But if it's just a simple case of lack of attraction then why does my body so adamantly refuse to cooperate with me? I mean, when I'm alone I can touch my penis and make it erect even if I'm not even thinking about anything, but when she's around I can touch and rub and poke and prod all I like but it will stay flaccid.

Also, I have had erections when I have been kissing her, but that is always when we're in a place where I KNOW it can't possibly lead to sex. This is why I think it's more about some kind of preoccupation I have with sex in general; it's just not clear-cut.

 
Old 03-17-2007, 05:43 PM   #4
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brook65 HB User
Re: I can't have sex!

Hi you say your a virgin, well then I would put it down to performance anxiety.

Surely if you were gay, then you wouldn't be telling us that you fancy her, would you?

 
Old 03-17-2007, 07:44 PM   #5
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ILiveForMyKIDS HB User
Re: I can't have sex!

Disregard Love and Peace. She isn't of age to be talking about adult topics. I wouldn't worry to much. Everyone gets nervous their first times. Alot of emotions, and pressure, and performance, expectations. So many things going on at once, it's very possible it is just anxiety. Take your time, maybe your not ready. Just because you don't have sexual thoughts, or a really strong sex drive doesn't mean it's a bad thing. Premature sex isn't exactly the best timing, perhaps it's a hint. Good Luck.

 
Old 03-24-2007, 01:11 AM   #6
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captainhoneycut HB User
Re: I can't have sex!

I think you need to start finding out who you really are.

Last edited by captainhoneycut; 04-18-2007 at 04:36 PM.

 
Old 04-14-2007, 04:08 PM   #7
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Ebminor HB User
Re: I can't have sex!

Sorry for the late update but everybody loves a happy ending...

Saying I may be gay was probably the obvious answer, but I was always pretty certain that that wasn't the case. Basically, I'm not attracted to horses, yet I could probably still get an erection around one if I played with myself enough! That wasn't the case around my girlfriend, though, which meant it was anxiety rather than a black 'n' white case of me not being attracted to her.

So what happened...the erection thing only happened on a few occasions, and after that the new problem was that I just couldn't come. I would literally be at it for half an hour, which might have actually pleased any other girl but my girlfriend happens to have issues with coming herself (never in her life), so the whole thing was just a big chore. I'd stop after I got too tired, and this happened about three times...

I still didn't know what was going on, but either way, progress was being made and I could sense it. The bottom line is, we actually now have a completely NORMAL relationship and sex life, and I can get erections and come like a madman.

I just found that I prefer to dictate when we have sex, rather than have her TRY to turn me on, which just put a weight of expectation on my shoulders and made me anxious. It still happens to an extent; she'll want sex and start to kiss me in that way that's intended to get me in the mood, but it just simply doesn't work for me. I'll say "later sweetheart," and then I'll sneak in with a surprise attack when she's not suspecting it.

Last edited by Ebminor; 04-14-2007 at 04:10 PM.

 
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